Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace by Christine Porath

I think we’ve all, at one time or another, worked with one of “those” people- the ones who are rude, who take all the credit, who won’t look up from their phones during meetings, send an email when they should call, or make you do work that they find boring or unimportant.

Before I read Mastering Civility, I assumed that this was behavior I had to endure until the perpetrator got another job or experienced a spontaneous personality overhaul.

Author Christine Porath asserts that tolerating incivility in the workplace is a bad idea because it spreads like a virus. Once rudeness or intolerance enters the scene, it effects everyone it touches and can sink the ship causing everything from profit loss to poor job performance.

Throughout the book, Porath teaches the reader how to recognize incivility in oneself, how to assist coworkers in reforming poor behavior, and how to end working relationships with employees who either can’t or won’t toe the line. Sounding a clarion call for employers and employees alike, Porath rallies readers everywhere to join her in making the workplace civil again.

“Incivility usually arises not from malice but from ignorance. I started my research thinking that jerks out there were intentionally ruining workplaces; I now see that most bad behavior reflects a lack of self-awareness. We don’t want to hurt others, but we do.” pg 12. Until I read this book, I thought that too.

“…incivility has a way of pulling people off track and preventing them from doing their best. I’ve found this to be true in every study I’ve conducted. Even witnesses working around incivility take a hit.” pg 24.

I thought that was especially chilling because Porath ran a bunch of studies. “Many people think of rudeness as a self-contained experience, limited to one person or interaction. In truth, incivility is a virus that spreads, making the lives of everyone exposed to it more difficult. … Left unchecked, incivility can drag down an entire organization, making everyone less kind, less patient, less energetic, less fun- simply less.” pg 39.

Ewww, you got your incivility all over my desk.

Those are the don’ts. Here are a few do’s: “If you want to connect with your employee or team, lead with warmth. Most of us are in a hurry to prove our competence, but warmth contributes significantly more to other’s evaluations. .. It facilitates trust, information, and idea sharing.” pg 71

“… the single biggest complaint I hear from employees about their bosses is that they fail to tune in. Do yourself and others a favor: When you speak or meet with someone, put away your smartphone. Make others the priority.” pg 114. Amen.

I laughed when Porath suggested eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep to help foster a civil atmosphere in the workplace. Common sense stuff, yes, but how many of us have lashed out because we’re “hangry”? Change starts with you so: eat breakfast, people.

Recommended for people experiencing or who have experienced incivility in the workplace. Porath gives you some concrete methods to turn it all around. Some further business related reading that I’ve enjoyed: Do the Work, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work and The Art of Exceptional Living.

Thanks for reading!

The Optimistic Workplace: Creating an Environment That Energizes Everyone by Shawn Murphy

The Optimistic Workplace is a complex but useful manual on how to shift the environment at work. Shawn Murphy talks about all aspects of business from the individual to management to all the levels in-between. There weren’t many surprises in these pages, but the advice was solid.

I knew that leadership was important to the overall vibe in the work space and Murphy does say that it’s important: “…your leadership style impacts climate by up to 70 percent. Think about that 70 percent. It’s mostly how you show up and interact with others that shapes the climate that influences your team’s performance.” pg 9 But, it isn’t the only thing that matters.

There are also ways in which the individual can change the work space. It all starts with greater self knowledge: “Workplace optimism thrives when people understand why they show up to work. Not only is the purpose and meaning of work important, but so, too, are the personal implications. … Personal expression through work is a major contributor to your employees’ well-being. Doing work that matters facilitates the expression of one’s talents.” pg 19 Makes sense. Know thyself does seem to be the foundation of most major life-changing movements.

“..the benefit to positively shaping the climate for your team is getting to know yourself better and discovering how to fulfill your own potential. You position yourself to love your work. In doing so, you set the tone and lead the way to help your employees realize their own potential and find greater meaning in their work and life.” pg 48 Sort of a trickle-down effect of optimistic workplace awesomeness.

Of all of the myriad of studies included in this book, my favorite was the study of “ikigai” : “Your health is linked to a sense of purpose in life, or, as the Japanese all it, ikigai. … A 2008 study in Japan by Toshimasa Sone and his colleagues sought to understand how, if at all, ikigai contributed to longevity in life. … Mortality risks were higher in those who did not have a sense of being and of joy. Those lacking clarity in intentional living had a higher incidence of cardiovascular disease and other life-threatening illnesses.” pg 89 Purpose or death.

The only critical thing I have to say about The Optimistic Workplace is that it’s so broad. Towards the end, I despaired of ever having the time to implement all of the changes suggested, even though they seem like good ones. My boss suggested that I take my favorites and start there. I think I will.

Recommended for those who have plenty of time for reflection and transformative meetings- I think that this book has huge potential. I just wonder how many businesses would be able to take the time and actually work their way through it. Some further reading: Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work, and Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead.

Thanks for reading!

Surviving Death: Evidence of the Afterlife by Leslie Kean

Investigative journalist Leslie Kean takes a close look at a wide variety of unexplained phenomena in order to answer the age old question — does human consciousness survive death intact with the memories, personality, and uniqueness that was exhibited in life?

I found her evidence astonishing.

Much of her research into near-death experiences (NDEs), I had been exposed to in other books. But, the chapters about children remembering past lives, psychic mediums and physical mediums was entirely new to me.

As I read, I kept getting goose bumps up and down my arms. The stories are that powerful.

(Reminder, the following quotes were taken from an advance reader’s copy and may change or be edited in the final printed version.)

Why did Kean write this book? “My intention is to present some of the most interesting evidence from diverse sources and show how it interconnects, making it accessible for the intelligent and curious reader encountering the material for the first time. Strict journalistic protocols can be applied to any topic for which there is data, no matter how unusual or even indeterminate.” loc 51, ebook.

I think she succeeded admirably. Most of Surviving Death is easy to understand, no matter how far-out the material may be.

I’ll admit to losing interest in the passages where she tries to distinguish between intelligence coming from the living human psyche or dead ones, the psi theory vs the survival theory. But, since that was the point of the book, that may be some people’s favorite part so don’t let me put you off.

Take these death bed descriptions of the other side by those about to leave this world: “The great inventor Edison, just hours before his death, emerged from a coma, opened his eyes, looked up, and said: “It’s very beautiful over there.” And more recently, the sister of Steve Jobs reported that just before he died, Jobs looked over the shoulders of his family members, right past them, and said, “Oh wow. Oh Wow. OH WOW!!” loc 2176, ebook.

I was not present when my grandpa passed, but Grandma told me later that at the moment he took his last breath, that a light came into his eyes and his face became so completely peaceful that he looked thirty years younger. I can’t say that I know for sure what waits for us beyond this life, but I can say that I’m not afraid. If you happen to have any fears in that regard, Surviving Death could be of great help to you.

Kean doesn’t answer the question she poses definitively because, of course, she hasn’t died and come back to tell us about it, but the stories and evidence that she presents is compelling. Throughout the chapters, Kean writes about personal, first-hand experiences that she has had. I believe that they are genuine. The hardcore skeptics may disagree.

The most extraordinary part of this book were the physical manifestations that Kean observed in the medium seances. Apparently, these seances have been going on for hundreds of years in certain areas of the world.

Did you know that in the 1920s in Warsaw, Poland, bowls of wax were placed in the seance chapter and apparitions were able to make molds of their hands? “In the Warsaw experiments, gloves were produced with interlocking fingers, with two hands clasping one another, and with the five fingers spread wide apart. Needless to say, the removal of a human hand from such formations would be impossible. Dematerialization was the only method that would leave the molds intact.” loc 4504, ebook. How had I never heard of this!

Recommended for readers who are prepared to have their minds blown. Surviving Death is incredible and almost indescribable. If you are interested in such studies, it is an absolute must-read. You may also want to look into Wisdom of Near Death Experiences: How Understanding NDEs Can Help Us Live More Fully and The Map of Heaven: How Science, Religion, and Ordinary People Are Proving the Afterlife.

Thank you to NetGalley and Crown Publishing for a free digital copy of this book. And, thank you for reading!

It Works: The Famous Little Red Book That Makes Your Dreams Come True! by RHJ

It Works by RHJ is a short book, pamphlet really, on the Law of Attraction. I was fortunate enough to pick up the deluxe version that not only had the text of the original work, but also a PDF of the way it appeared in its first printing.

A short chapter was also included that discussed the nearly-anonymous author.

I’ve read a lot of New Age/New Thought material, but I focused on this one because a certain loved one of mine is struggling. I won’t mention him by name because he says that I talk about him too much in my reviews, but suffice to say, I see him every day. Over a year and a half ago, he was laid off from a job that he enjoyed, had worked at for more than a decade, and he hasn’t found anything else yet to occupy his time. Part of the trouble, I think, is that he doesn’t know what he wants in a new occupation. It Works addresses that directly.

The mechanics of it are simple. Make a list of what you want, think about it every day, don’t tell anybody that you’re doing it. The assumption is that there is a force beyond our comprehension that responds to our thoughts and directs our lives based on what we choose to turn our thoughts towards.

The Abraham Hicks materials cover this in depth, but It Works was published in 1926, long before Abraham and The Secret burst into popular consciousness. This was, in fact, one of the first published books of its kind and even influenced the writings of that titan of new age thought, Napolean Hill.

To get what you want is no more mysterious or uncertain than the radio waves all around you. Tune in correctly and you get a perfect result…” pg 14.

“(Write down exactly what you want and the date you want it.) This may seem very foolish at first, but you can never realize your desires if you do not know positively and in detail what you want and when you want it. If you cannot decide this, you are not in earnest. You must be definite, and when you are, results will be surprising and almost unbelievable.” pg 20.

So, let’s cut to the chase. Does it really work?

The jury is still out. I made my list. 🙂 I guess we’ll see.

Recommended for fans of Abraham Hicks, Napoleon Hill and Pam Grout.

Thanks for reading!

The Queen of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling, #1) by Erika Johansen

****Spoilers abound in this review. Please do not read if you haven’t read the book yet.****

Kelsea was born to be queen. Marked by fire and in possession of two magical sapphire necklaces, she’s taken away from the only home she’s ever known on her 18th birthday to go rule her country. Kelsea’s uncle, the regent, wants her dead. In the neighboring country, the perpetually young Red witch queen, who’s been ruling her people for a century, also wants her dead. There are very few people who don’t want Kelsea dead. She, obviously, wants to live and rule justly. So, our story begins.

I’m not so sure about this fantasy. First of all, the characterizations were so simplistic. Kelsea is good because she reads a lot and doesn’t want people to exist in poverty or slavery. Her mother was bad because she liked to wear dresses, have a lot of pillows on her bed, and sleep with a bunch of dudes. Lazarus is good because he wants the young queen to live long enough to make a difference and is quick with his sword. Arlen Thorne is bad because he supports the black market slave trade and black mails people to have his way. The Red Queen is bad because she keep slaves and rules with an iron fist. I think the most ridiculous characterization was the noble whose crown Kelsea commandeers in her coronation. (I listened to the audiobook so I’m having trouble recalling the name.) She is bad because she literally barred the doors of her keep against her own people when the neighboring army was invading. Not a lot of grey area, is there.

I thought, with the flat characterizations, that this was a young adult offering, but then, the author would slip in some graphic child rape details or language and I’d be reminded that this wasn’t for young adults. I couldn’t quite figure out the audience that Queen of the Tearling was reaching for. Maybe something entirely new like “cozy fantasy”? I suppose she could have been appealing to people who wanted to like a fantasy, but didn’t want to have to think too hard about it. Game of Thrones Lite or Diet Malazan Book of the Fallen.

Two of my best friends love this book. It grew on me a bit. I mean, towards the end, after fourteen hours of narration, I did feel like I wanted things to work out for Kelsea. But, I didn’t feel like the author gave us any of the details that were important. Who is Kelsea’s father for pete’s sake? It was only hinted at a dozen times. Inquiring minds need to know.

Lazarus’ past? More about Tearling history? We’re told that Kelsea spent her formative years with a historian who didn’t want to teach her any history. Why not! Or how about that intriguing scene with the Red Queen and the talking shadow? I could have read another six chapters about that alone.

Also, I had a bit of an issue about the world building. So it takes place in our world, but something cataclysmic happened or society fell apart? Then why is there magic. Did nuclear fall out mutate people so now magic is real? Basing this story in our world felt lazy to me. The author uses our monetary system, our names for drugs… it is the small details that make the world and all of these were so boringly familiar. I would much rather have had Kelsea spending sea stars or her uncle sniffing ground unicorn horn. But, maybe that’s just me.

I’m not sure who to recommend this to. With the material, I’d certainly lean towards the 18+, but I don’t think that the story is complex enough to really entertain adults. I did listen to the whole thing, so that’s saying something and, like I said, I know at least two discerning friends who loved it. I’m going to have to have an in-depth discussion with those ladies. I was neither thoroughly charmed nor disgusted by The Queen of Tearling and feel decidedly middle of the road about the whole thing.

Thanks for reading!

The Girl of Fire and Thorns (Fire and Thorns, #1) by Rae Carson

The Girl of Fire and Thorns takes navel gazing to a whole new level… but seriously. In this world, once in a hundred years, one person is chosen by God to do something (the main character is never quite sure what this is) and her position as the chosen one is indicated by a large jewel that mystically implants itself in the person’s belly button. To be fair, I was never really able to get over the silliness of this main premise to truly appreciate the story. The whole Godstone thing was too funny to me. It reminded me of Dark Helmet’s ring in Spaceballs, a religious artifact that inspires fear and reverence but was also patently ridiculous.

The main part of the action takes place in a desert setting (reminiscent of Dune). Elisa, the bejeweled heroine, doesn’t know her own strength, moves through tests that teach her that strength, and then it all leads to a conclusive, final action that was so hilarious that I had to put the book (e-reader) down for a moment to process it.

Now, the cultural struggle between Elisa’s people and the Invernie was interesting. I liked the juxtaposition of an earthy, animalistic, nomadic culture with the more civilized, religiously structured, city culture. I also liked the heroine herself. She seems to have an eating disorder and some seriously raging teen hormones, but otherwise, Elisa is a strong, female role model in the vein of Katniss Everdeen and Tris Prior.

If the reader can overlook the whole belly button situation, he or she may really enjoy The Girl of Fire and Thorns. You may also enjoy the young adult reads: The Sin Eater’s Daughter by Melinda Salisbury or The Girl, the Gypsy and the Gargoyle by Darcy Pattison.

Thanks for reading!

The Stone Heart (The Nameless City #2) by Faith Erin Hicks

The Nameless City graphic novels are excellent for kids aged 10 to 14. The Stone Heart like The Nameless City is well drawn with diverse characters and a plot that can be followed by young readers. It presents the difficulties of balancing cultural expectations, politics, and belonging with the natural emotions of friendship and understanding.

The kids, Kai and Rat, are from completely different social castes, but it doesn’t matter to them. If only the rest of the world didn’t live with prejudiced blinders over their eyes, then life could be sweet in the Nameless City. But, that’s not how it is.

The General of Blades wants to make a council of all of the nations within the city walls to decide and rule on all matters of importance within the Nameless City. His son, the heir apparent, wants the power that he’s been promised his entire life- to rule the city as the rightful conqueror. They can’t both have their way.

Meanwhile, rumors abound of the ancient power of the builders of the city itself. The monks may know something about it and, if in the wrong hands, this power could bring down the city that it helped to build.

Highly recommended for reluctant readers. There’s very little downtime in these pages.

A huge thank you to NetGalley and First Second Books publishing for an advance reader’s copy of this book. And, thank you for reading!

Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How to Break Free of Negativity and Drama by Doreen Virtue

This book wasn’t for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sparkling.

But, what dulls my sparkle is considering all of the ways in which the world raises my histamine levels, which seems to be Doreen Virtue’s thesis for this book: “…the next day as I was walking along Post Street in Union Square, I heard the inner message that is the basis of this book. … “The reason why you and so many people are experiencing life drama is because you’re addicted to histamine.” loc 81, ebook.

She goes on to list various ways that one may lower this including: major dietary changes, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, certain types of exercise, therapy, dry cleaning chemicals, what types of plastic bottles to drink from, what types of television programs to expose yourself to, what types of make up to wear and much, much more.

I hope that the readers who are looking for this type of information find Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle because it is one of the most complete types of books of this kind that I’ve ever read.

The thing is, I could make myself crazy if I tried to control all of that stuff.

I’ve discovered, through my own life, that if I do the inner work of feeling better then external circumstances sort of fall into place on their own without me dancing around trying to make it so.

Don’t get me wrong- I am all for self care. Regular massages, aromatherapy, professional therapy, organic foods, support groups, whatever you need to make yourself feel better, do it.

I just don’t need to adjust those things to sparkle. I feel innately sparkly. I am a veritable disco ball of sparkles.

Beyond the histamine issue, it is clear that Dr. Doreen Virtue had another career in psychotherapy. If you’ve experienced drama of any kind, trouble finding that special someone or encountered difficult personalities, she will help you get past that in this book.

There again, my significant other and friends are all quite normal and low drama- sparkling, if you will.

But, if you’ve had relationship troubles, this could be the book that you’re looking for. So, seriously, don’t let me deter you if you feel you need to read it.

“Remember, it’s not about how many friends you have; it’s the quality of the friendships that matter. Even one good friendship, built upon mutual respect and other healthy qualities, will help you sparkle throughout the day.” loc 2034, ebook.

Meditation and yoga, two of my favorite things, are highlighted in this book as ways to improve your life. I couldn’t agree more!

In this passage, Doreen is talking about dealing with potential drama in your family or with in-laws: “…any way you slice it, the situation will bring up stress hormones in your brain and body, and part of being responsible is taking care of yourself. So, go do yoga as soon as you can. Play gentle music, meditate, eat a low-histamine diet, and avoid chemicals.” loc 1961, ebook.

The trouble is: brownies are not low-histamine. That’s a deal breaker for me.

I recommend this book if you’re sick and fed up with the way life is going and you want to try something drastic to turn it all around. Otherwise, I’d have to suggest borrowing this one from the library.

I’ve heard that high library usage lowers histamine levels and makes you sparkle too. Kidding.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hay House publishing for a free digital copy of this book. And, thank you for reading!

On the Move: A Life (Oliver Sacks’ memoirs #2) by Oliver Sacks

I knew nothing about Dr. Oliver Sacks before I read this book other than the fact that he was a prolific writer. Now I know much, much more.

I loved that Dr. Sacks didn’t hesitate to jump into the nitty gritty details of his life. One line that really stuck out to me: “It was just as well that I had no foreknowledge of the future for after that sweet birthday fling I was to have no sex for the next thirty-five years.” pg 203 Boom. It’s the last line of a chapter section, he neither explains it nor dwells on it. How extraordinary.

I also liked reading about the dramatic parts of his life like his early drug addiction, love of motorcycling, wild nights at the Y, and stint with the American truckers. I found myself dragging through his reminiscing about research or intellectual friends. I think the problem is that I don’t find the inner workings of the mind nearly as fascinating as he did.

Dr. Sacks lists his research pursuits in page after page of case studies, reading, and memories and it wasn’t very fun to slog through. I would probably enjoy the books that he wrote during these times more than this one that was about the writing of them. Another problem, sometimes during the narration, he moves backwards and forwards in time without noting that he is doing so other than writing the date. That was frustrating for me.

Despite some slow portions, Dr. Sacks does have some very beautiful writing in On the Move. Take this passage, where he’s thinking about why he lived so many years of his life on the East coast of the US when he really loved the West coast: “I suspect my nostalgia may be not only for the place itself but for youth, and a very different time, and being in love, and being able to say, “The future is before me.” pg 131

He also struck a chord with me in this line where he’s talking about his love of journaling: “My journals are not written for others, nor do I usually look at them myself, but they are a special, indispensable form of talking to myself.” pg 383 I feel that way too. I pour myself out on written pages in ways that I feel unable to do in the rest of my life through conversations or whatever else.

Dr. Sacks was extraordinarily bright, interested in life and all of its internal mechanisms. At least, after reading this memoir, one can say that he lived fully and well.

I received a free copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program. Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace by Christine Porath

The Optimistic Workplace: Creating an Environment That Energizes Everyone by Shawn Murphy

Surviving Death: Evidence of the Afterlife by Leslie Kean

It Works: The Famous Little Red Book That Makes Your Dreams Come True! by RHJ

The Queen of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling, #1) by Erika Johansen

The Girl of Fire and Thorns (Fire and Thorns, #1) by Rae Carson

The Stone Heart (The Nameless City #2) by Faith Erin Hicks

Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How to Break Free of Negativity and Drama by Doreen Virtue

On the Move: A Life (Oliver Sacks’ memoirs #2) by Oliver Sacks

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