You Do You: How to Be Who You Are and Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want by Sarah Knight

The self-styled “anti-guru” Sarah Knight adds another volume to her quirky, profanity-laden self-help series with You Do You.

The focus, as you can guess from the title, is the art of allowing your authentic self to shine through without feeling guilt or being so far out of the social norms that you border on “psychopath.”

You Do You is about accepting your strengths and your flaws, whether those flaws are self-identified, or just things that you’re perfectly happy about but that other people seem to have a problem with. Or, should I say, that you WOULD be happy about, if you felt a little more confident in yourself…” loc 146, ebook.

And, like the previous books, Knight doesn’t stint on the bad words. She admits she kept the title clean so a certain publication *cough* New York Times *cough* would print the all the words of the title in their sought after Best Seller list.

Which Knight has made before… but had her titles censored for their content.

“The advice in this book boils down to one simple mantra: Stand up for who you are and what you want. How do you do that? Stop letting other people tell you what to do, how to do it, or why it can’t be done.” loc 188, ebook.

I enjoyed You Do You, but I felt it wasn’t as strong as Knight’s other titles because she spends so much time rehashing material she has already covered elsewhere.

That being said, I like Knight’s style, her famous diagrams and her illuminating stories. This is an author who has been there, done that and cussed about it.

Photo by Anna Nekrashevich on Pexels.com

My favorite diagram in You Do You is Knight’s “ouroboros” or symbolic, conjoined serpent of wisdom picture. The text with the cute doodle says: “Is it right or wrong? You won’t know unless you have the confidence to take a risk and find out. If you regret your decision, then accept the consequences, swallow the lesson, and start over. With confidence.” loc 1995, ebook.

Verges on mystic Eastern wisdom, doesn’t it?

She encourages all readers everywhere to let the strange sides of yourself out- within certain boundaries. Don’t hurt anybody. Don’t take advantage of people. Be reasonable within your freakishness.

“Now, with those ground rules established, I do declare that we, as a society, should celebrate weirdness in all its forms- and that the right to be weird should be inalienable- just like the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” loc 2130, ebook.

“You do you” and let everybody else do them. It’s that simple. It’s that hard.

Sarah Knight may be a bit of an acquired taste. Please don’t read unless you have a high tolerance for bad words and, dare I say, mild snark.

But, if you are someone in need of encouragement to let your freak flag fly, look no further.

Thank you to NetGalley and Little Brown and Company for a free digital copy of this book. And thank you for reading!

Read my reviews of Sarah Knight’s other titles:

The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight

Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight

Life Is Like a Musical: How Broadway Can Help You Live Your Best Life by Tim Federle

Life is Like a Musical is a cute, self-helpish book, full of the wisdom Tim Federle gleaned from years of experience on the stage.

“Basically, think of this book as ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’ with jazz hands.” Introduction.

Tim’s advice is common sense, but I appreciated it anyway. Make your weaknesses your strengths. Be nice to everybody. Pay attention. Don’t try to be a perfectionist, and so on.

He pairs these nuggets with his life stories. So, it’s part-memoir, part-self help.

“When Bob Fosse had a bald spot, he put on a stylish hat. Where’s your bald spot? Or blind spot? Or thing that you can barely accept about yourself? Go put a hat on it, and make it something wonderful.” pg 23. There’s nothing wrong with advice like that.

First off, the key to approximately 90 percent of adulthood is appearing more interested in something than you actually are. Seriously.” pg 31.

Truth bombs, people.

Don’t give your power away. Remember who you are: “Please, never forget you’re the leading character in your own life. Read that sentence again: You aren’t the supporting cast. You’re it, baby.” pg 48.

And most importantly of all, have a sense of humor about the whole thing.

“Forgive yourself when you screw up. Develop a sense of humor that allows you to snort-giggle before anyone else can.” pg 139.

None of us are getting out of this thing called life alive. We may as well make the most of it.

I enjoyed this book. I was also a huge fan of his drink recipe book mixed with classic book titles: Tequila Mockingbird: Cocktails with a Literary Twist.

Recommended for people who are looking for a peppy voice to get them back on track and singing throughout the soundtrack of their own lives. This read will do the trick.

Thanks for reading!

The Power by Naomi Alderman

In The Power, young women have developed the ability to control electricity. It shifts the balance of power between the sexes and the world begins to come apart at the seams.

It is told from the point of view of a few women and a man. They each have different stories and experiences that Naomi Alderman blends together to create a powerful statement about how we live.

This is one of the most disturbing books I’ve ever read, but also, most brilliant. It made me think about all of the internal biases I have when it comes to gender, cultural expectations and roles.

Who was it who said: “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” This book is an examination of power and how it has shaped the world, not always for the better.

The monumental societal shift starts out small enough. A man named Tunde captures a moment between a young woman and a man who was hitting on her at the grocery store: “Tunde is recording when she turns around. … There she is, bringing her hand to his arm when he smiles and thinks she is performing mock-fury for his amusement. If you pause the video for a moment at this point, you can see the charge jump.” loc 261, ebook.

Those who have been abused are more likely to become abusers. And there are many, many abused women in the world.

“A strange new kind of fighting which leaves boys- mostly boys, sometimes girls- breathless and twitching, with scars like unfurling leaves winding up their arms or legs or across the soft flesh of their middles. Their first thought after disease is a new weapon, something these kids are bringing into school, but as the first week trickles into the second they know that’s not it.” loc 316, ebook.

Entire governments crumble to powerful women. Women who have been locked up their entire lives roam the streets, free. Soon enough, they’re locking up and abusing the men, because they can.

Religions change. Sexual predilections change. New politicians are elected. New soldiers are trained.

“Allie thinks, God is telling the world that there is to be a new order. That the old way is overturned. The old centuries are done.”loc 681, ebook.

The new scourge of third world countries are powerful, uncontrolled women.

“He wounds three of the women in the leg or arm and the others are on him like a tide. There is a sound like eggs frying. When Tunde gets close enough to show what has been done, he is perfectly still, the twisted-vine marks across his face and neck so thick that his features are barely discernible.” loc 884, ebook.

I think book clubs may find plenty to talk about in this book- if they can make it through. There are some very disturbing scenes.

“Gender is a shell game. What is a man? Whatever a woman isn’t. What is a woman? Whatever a man is not. Tap on it and it’s hollow. Look under the shells: it’s not there.” loc 4780, ebook.

In a time when so many women may feel powerless or voiceless, The Power may speak directly to them. It is, as I’ve said, a disturbing book, but also a conversation starter.

To quote Victor Hugo: Nothing is as powerful as an idea whose time has come. And, in my mind, it was the perfect time for this book to be written.

Thank you to NetGalley for a free digital copy of this book and thanks for reading.

Leaving Tinkertown by Tanya Ward Goodman

This is Tanya Ward Goodman‘s memoir about how she loses her father and grandmother- first through Alzheimer’s and then to death. Leaving Tinkertown is a powerful look at end-of-life issues and family love.

It is an incredibly raw and straight forward account of a period of unimaginable change in the author’s life.

Tanya handles the deterioration of her father very well. I suspect that this ability to quickly and seamlessly accustom herself to change probably evolved from her childhood experiences with her father at carnivals and on road trips. With the background changing continuously, she had to change too but hold on to some essential part of herself. This characteristic served her well during her adult years.

Tanya’s father was a prolific artist. Because of his extreme creativity, I think that she was exposed to his mercurial moods long before he began losing his battle with Alzheimer’s. Artistic types seem to walk a fine line between logical thinking and madness. Their families get to walk that journey with them. That doesn’t mean that his descent into darkness didn’t hurt Tanya, but that she was more able to cope with his moment to moment shifts in behavior because she had experienced them before.

Through this adversity, she grows closer to her brother, step-mom, and mother as they work together to care for her dad.

Tanya doesn’t gloss over her family’s shortcomings but comes to accept everything that each person brings to the table: “… I am starting to understand that doing all you can do, even if it doesn’t seem like very much, is enough.” pg 193.

When a strong, vital person in your life is no longer able to care for themselves, it’s heartbreaking.

My own grandfather, a force of nature, lost some of his heart when the family had to take the keys to the car away because he didn’t have the strength to drive safely anymore. This book was hard for me to read because Tanya knows what it feels like to cause that type of pain too.

It brought back so many small moments when I was in a care-taking position for him. You want to provide the best quality of life that you can, but when the person can no longer clean, feed, or clothe themselves, then the really difficult decision making begins. Tanya and her relatives seem to make the process relatively simple even though I know that it is anything but that.

We all know that we’re not going to live forever but when you’re dealing with loss of physical strength or mental capacity in your own life or the lives of those you love, you get very close to that idea. It’s like the difference between looking through a window and having your face smashed up against the glass. When it’s right there, you can’t look away.

I’d recommend this for anyone who is caring for an aging or ill family member and needs a reminder that it’s all going to turn out alright. As Tanya reminds us, we just need to do all that we can do even if it doesn’t seem like it is very much.

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads program. Thanks for reading!

Pigs Can’t Swim: A Memoir by Helen Peppe

Pigs Can’t Swim is a collection of essays based on Helen Peppe‘s childhood memories. Frankly, it is amazing that she managed to live to adulthood.

The youngest of nine children, she was by turns ignored or over-directed. Her family lived on a farm in Maine on a dead end road in the middle of nowhere.

Helen tells her tale, all of it, without flinching from what she perceives the truth to be: her family’s wild behavior, prejudices, poverty, dysfunction, and an episode with a child predator that was truly horrific.

I had to keep reminding myself that she made it out alive and, at least, managed to write a book because this memoir had some truly terrifying bits in it.

I think Pigs Can’t Swim is an amazing piece of non-fiction writing not only for its content but also for its execution.

Helen’s parents weren’t perfect but she doesn’t seem to blame or justify their behavior. In Pigs Can’t Swim, she just tells what happened and leaves a majority of the interpretation in the hands of the reader.

I couldn’t put this book down.

Its flowing narration reminded me of a much grittier version of Life Among the Savages.

Its personal and tell-all style reminded me of She Got Up Off the Couch: And Other Heroic Acts from Mooreland, Indiana. Similar to She Got Up Off the Couch, this book talks about overcoming poverty and adversity to become something more.

If you enjoyed either of these books, you’ll probably love Pigs Can’t Swim.

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads program. Thanks for reading!

Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In by Anjali Kumar

Anjali Kumar is a lawyer who is used to having all the answers. After she had a daughter, Anjali realized she knew very little about the big questions: why are we here? What is it all about? Is there a God?

“In 2010, when my daughter Zia was born, I decided that I needed to find God.” loc 24, ebook.

Anjali went on a quest to find out the answers, not only for the sake of her daughter, but also herself. She touches all the bases – from meditation to faith healing to Burning Man to yoni worship – Anjali leaves no stone unturned in her search to find what is real.

“Along the way, I learned to chant, to meditate, and to marvel. I wrestled with my own identity, from my ethnic and cultural roots in India, to my femininity, to my role as a woman, daughter, mother, and wife. … I fancied myself an explorer, no different really than Magellan or Columbus. I was looking for a new world.” locs 148-163.

It’s a fascinating memoir.

Before each experience, Anjali puts in her research in an effort to find the science behind the beliefs. It’s not always as concrete as she would like it to be, but Anjali tries to engage her brain and her heart in her quest.

This is before she goes to her first “para-tan sounding”: “According to string theory, the entire universe is basically humming – all of it and all of us. Add that to the fact that the chanting of mantras has a long, compelling spiritual history, that cancer researchers are using sound- high-intensity focused ultrasound- to successfully destroy prostate cancer cells … and this whole Paramji thing starts to look like it might be grounded in a bit of hard science…” loc 500

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com

Anjali tries to keep an open mind, even when things sound very strange: “One thing I had to be cognizant of… was how difficult it is as an outsider to come to terms with what are easy to perceive as the odd behaviors and strange beliefs of ‘other people.’ … as outsiders we have no idea what those behaviors and traditions stand for or mean.” loc 904.

She finds layers of meaning, even when particular experiences weren’t all that she hoped they would be. Anjali also experiences a few surprises along the way.

“I was looking for a theory of everything spiritual for Anjali and Zia. And yet, so far, just like those physicists had failed to find a theory of everything in the entire universe, I had failed to find a theory of everything for my own spirituality.” loc 1343.

And she never gives up because: “A spiritual home is something that we all have to find for ourselves.” loc 2853.

Recommended for seekers everywhere. Anjali’s discoveries may not be earth-shattering, but they’re real and worth the read.

Thank you to NetGalley and Seal Press for a free advance reader copy of this book. Reminder: the short quotations in this review may change or be omitted in the final printed version.

Thanks for reading!

Dear Girls Above Me: Inspired by a True Story by Charlie McDowell

Dear Girls Above Me is about Charlie McDowell’s time living beneath a loud group of gossiping young women (names have been changed to protect the innocent). He claims to have learned much about love, life and himself through his eavesdropping.

From the description, I thought this book was going to be cute. Instead, I found it very creepy.

“I most definitely did not expect to be the unwilling audience of a twenty-four-hour slumber party between the Winston Churchill and Benjamin Franklin of the 90210 generation.” pg 6, ebook.

But, shortly after professing his irritation for the girls, he spends an inordinate amount of time wandering around his apartment, looking for the location with the best “reception” of their voices.

“…I’m living underneath a couple of Kardashian wannabes who spend their time gossiping, starving themselves, and throwing noisy parties.” pg 21, ebook.

Instead of ignoring them or moving to a new apartment, Charlie creates a Twitter account where he mercilessly mocks the snippets of conversation he overhears. It seemed very passive-aggressive to me.

“As my Dear Girls Above Me Twitter following grew, so did my guilt and anxiety. Each day, more and more people were discovering my ‘letters’ to the girls, and I felt as if it was only a matter of time before they stumbled across it.” pg 113, ebook.

But not guilty enough to stop tweeting about it.

Charlie does try to build reader sympathy by sharing some fairly embarrassing stories about his own personal life, but it didn’t really work. I found myself feeling embarrassed for everyone in this book rather than amused.

The low point of this tale was this: Dear Girls Above Me, ‘The psychic said I have a serious stalker in my life!’ I much prefer ‘a friend who always listens,’ thank you very much. pg 194, ebook.

No, stalker is more appropriate. Sorry.

I don’t recommend this book.

Thanks for reading!

Gnarr: How I Became the Mayor of a Large City in Iceland and Changed the World by Jón Gnarr

Jon Gnarr ran for mayor of the largest city in Iceland not because he had experience as a politician, but because he was a comic and was, at first, poking fun at the system. But then, he realized that politics as usual was getting his country no where. So, he took the election seriously. Imagine his surprise when he won.

“Leo Tolstoy once said, ‘Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself.’ But I feel that I have changed myself. I’ve done my homework. And next I want to try- just try, mind you!- to change the world. pg 6-7, ebook.

Iceland is unique in that it has a very small population of around 330,000 people. That’s about the equivalent of Santa Ana, California, or Corpus Christi, Texas. In other words, it’s not that big of a place.

“The most famous Icelander is Bjork. … Abroad, she constantly has to flee from fans and journalists who pursue her into every little corner, while in Iceland you run into her in the pool, on the bus, or in the shops. In general, she’s left alone. In Iceland I was famous by the time I was fourteen. I was a fourteen-year-old with a Mohawk and a ring through his nose, and this too was news.” pg 13-14, ebook.

Here’s the scene: Iceland is quite small, the entire country was in an uproar because of the banking collapse, and the people were more than ready for change. But, Jon Gnarr was not ready for politics.

“Thanks to Dad, the newspapers, and the constant discussions broadcast on radio and television, I developed an aversion to politics. Politics was dumb, irritating, and boring. pg 23, ebook.

A self-described ‘peaceful anarchist’, Gnarr was a comic and showman. He created The Best Party as a joke. But, somewhere along the line, the joke became a reality.

“Do you have to understand something down to the last detail before you can contribute to it? Do you have to be a scientist to become interested in science? … No. And it’s no different with politics. You don’t need to be a politician to have the right to participate in political life.” pg 41, ebook.

Even though he started to take the race seriously, Gnarr never took himself too seriously. And it worked.

“Every time another party made any election promises, we sat down together and discussed how we could top them. The Left-Green Alliance promised children and teens free access to swimming pools- our response was to offer free admission for all- with free towels included.” pg 54, ebook.

By not playing politics as usual, Gnarr and The Best Party won. I think he shows what’s possible when people bring a sense of humor and a desire to do good to the table. I think we can accomplish great things.

It just takes someone with a smidgen of imagination and a willingness to try.

Recommended for anyone who’s tired with politics as usual and for all the peaceful anarchists of the world.

Thanks for reading!

A Death on Diamond Mountain: A True Story of Obsession, Madness, and the Path to Enlightenment by Scott Carney

In A Death on Diamond Mountain, Scott Carney has crafted an excellent examination of an untimely death, cult-like Buddhist practices, madness along the spiritual journey, and the dangers of extreme religious practices like multi-year, silent meditation retreats and fasting.

He also provides not only extensive backgrounds for all of the main actors in this tragedy, but also a dissection of the birth of Eastern philosophy in the West, including many different religions and belief systems.

This is the first non-fiction book that I’ve ever read that discusses potential negative effects of meditation.

In this eye-opening analysis, Carney talks about potential research bias in meditation studies. He mentions researchers habitually attributing consistently positive results to meditation and reporting any negative results as pre-existing conditions in the practitioners rather than a side effect of the practice itself.

I think that this is an indication that moderation in all things, including meditation, may be the best way forward. I was unaware of the potential, catastrophic consequences of abusing traditional spiritual methods.

The sad thing is that the tragedy detailed in this book could have been prevented.

The death of Ian Thornson reads like a soap opera.

Carney has written these dysfunctional yet charismatic people with such skill that their personalities almost leap off the page.

I pitied Ian’s mother while reading about her struggles to extract her son from what she felt sure was a cult. Then, when his spiritual search eventually killed him, I can’t imagine the pain that she went through.

I’m certain that any mother would be proud for her child to exhibit the sort of spiritual drive that Ian had, however, the extremes that he took it too were obviously unhealthy. Again, it appears that moderation is the key to success.

Readers who enjoy non-fictional survival stories like Into the Wild may enjoy A Death on Diamond Mountain.

This book could also appeal to readers who enjoy learning about Buddhist philosophy or meditation methods. It is a shining example of how not to proceed on the spiritual path.

Thanks for reading! I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads.

The Help Desk Book Blog

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Category: Non-Fiction

You Do You: How to Be Who You Are and Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want by Sarah Knight

Life Is Like a Musical: How Broadway Can Help You Live Your Best Life by Tim Federle

The Power by Naomi Alderman

Leaving Tinkertown by Tanya Ward Goodman

Pigs Can’t Swim: A Memoir by Helen Peppe

Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In by Anjali Kumar

Dear Girls Above Me: Inspired by a True Story by Charlie McDowell

Gnarr: How I Became the Mayor of a Large City in Iceland and Changed the World by Jón Gnarr

A Death on Diamond Mountain: A True Story of Obsession, Madness, and the Path to Enlightenment by Scott Carney

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