Chieftain of Andor by Andrew Offutt

I thought I would enjoy Chieftain of Andor but this reprint of a 1976 classic wasn’t to my liking. Unfortunately, the anachronistic treatment of a majority of the women in the writing of the story, as either sex object or victim, ruined any possible enjoyment that I might have had in the adventure.

As for the story itself, it’s straight forward and may appeal to true fans of pulp science fiction. Robert Cleve is seeking an adventure. A shadowy company on Earth offers to transfer his consciousness to a man on a hugely distant planet where magic is real: “You will have adventures, Mr. Cleve- yes, plural, and in abundance. The opportunity for greatness- although your friends will never know of your achievements. And the opportunity to die. In which case your friends will never be certain. For once you agree, Robert Cleve- … you vanish from this world.” loc 27, ebook.

The women are the ones who are able to do magic on the planet, Andor. In this aspect, it was vaguely reminiscent of Dune: “..she was Starpowered, and of Starinor, oldest of families. Down to her had come centuries of generations of Andorite witchery.” loc, 289, ebook. But, even with these magical powers, the females are never able to secure power, which I found puzzling. They act primarily as a sort of supporting role for the chieftains because… that’s how it’s done, I suppose. Offutt tries to dissect gender roles a little bit in Chieftain of Andor but I never found it satisfying.

Robert Cleve doesn’t believe in magic and so, his troubles begin from almost the first moment that he arrives in his new body: “…Robert Cleve was of Earth. Worse, he was of America, where belief in magic is laughed at and sneered at, save only in church and on Wall Street. …despite all he had seen and heard here, despite the beliefs of his peers and of the memories he now possessed… Cleve found it most difficult to accept witches and witchery. loc 419, ebook. Of course, the sorceress does not care if he believes in her or not…

As I mentioned before, readers who loved Dune may eat this up with a spoon as it has some similar themes. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend it for the modern female reader.

Thank you to NetGalley and Endeavor Publishing for the opportunity to read this book.

And, thanks for reading!

The Autumnlands V. 1: Tooth & Claw by Kurt Busiek

Excellent introduction to a world where anthropomorphized animals live on cities that float in the sky with the help of a magic that is fading from existence.

To combat this magic shortage, a talented magic user gathers a coalition of wizards to bring a great warrior from the past to the present in order to reawaken the powers.

The warrior is surprising, his summoning has unintended consequences, and the reader, after just a few pages, finds herself quickly caught up in a strange new world.

Highly recommended for adult readers who enjoy fantasy graphic novels.

There is a bunch of graphic violence and full frontal male nudity in here so, head’s up librarians. Make sure to shelve The Autumnlands in the appropriate section.

Some similar graphic novels, though I didn’t enjoy them nearly as much as this book: Monstress, Volume 1: Awakening or Wild’s End, Vol. 1: First Light.

Thanks for reading!

Running with a Police Escort: Tales from the Back of the Pack by Jill Grunenwald

A Cleveland librarian chronicles the emergence of her inner road warrior. Jill was very unhealthy- tipping the scales at nearly 300 pounds when an email from her younger sister convinced her that she needs to change her ways.

Self described “slow runner”, Jill often finds herself at the end of races with organizers closing the course behind her. Thus the title of her eventual podcast and this book: Running with a Police Escort.

Jill reminded me of my younger sister, another “slow runner” who took up running for health reasons.

I have a great deal of respect for people who have the courage to make major life changes- be that taking up a sport, counting calories, or giving up meat products.

It is so easy to let life determine who you are becoming instead of taking full responsibility for your choices. Jill’s point in this memoir is that it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you go, you win if you’re making even the smallest steps towards your goals.

In this passage, she’s closing down the race, like usual: “…I happened to see one of the policemen on the street gesture to get my attention and point to the car following me. I pulled out my earbuds and from the sidewalk he called out with a supportive smile, “You must be a very important person to have a police escort!” loc 72, ebook.

Jill relates her unathletic/uncoordinated childhood and I felt a lot of sympathy for her bookworm tendencies: “While (my classmates) ran wild, I’d find a quiet corner along the brick wall of the building and bury myself in a book. My favorites were the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series, the macabre illustrations haunting my dreams.” loc 162, ebook.

That probably would have been one of my favorites too, but my school library’s copy was always checked out. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Jill reminds the reader that people don’t get to nearly 300 pounds without a reason why- an underlying pain that they’re insulating themselves from. For Jill, it seems that she was chronically lacking in self esteem and self love.

I loved reading about her getting her mojo back: Truthfully, I didn’t even know how much I weighed because the analog scale that I owned didn’t go up that high. … I don’t know if I can verbally express what it means to be so heavy that you literally outweigh your scale’s capabilities. Like, seriously. Just think about that for a second, okay? A scale has a pretty basic function… and I had gotten so big, I put my scale out of work.” loc 312, ebook.

Running with a Police Escort is a great book for those who are struggling with their weight or the decision to become more healthy.

Jill isn’t afraid to laugh at herself and there is quite a lot of wisdom in these pages: “…it’s these simple decisions that compound as we make them every single second of every single moment of every single day. It is not the Friday nights or Saturday evenings that determine who we are and where we go: it is the Thursday afternoons or Monday mornings that mentor and counsel our being into a full-fledged sense of self.” loc 818, ebook.

Beware, there’s a bunch of swearing too. If you don’t appreciate that, you may have to find another book.

I also found it to be repetitive after the first couple of races, but it’s clear that Jill is writing from the heart and has been changed by every single mile that she’s undertaken. Share this book with others who may need encouragement because Jill is a natural cheerleader for the novice runner or athlete of any type.

Some further reading: Confessions of an Unlikely Runner: A Guide to Racing and Obstacle Courses for the Averagely Fit and Halfway Dedicated, Running Like a Girl, and Down Size: 12 Truths for Turning Pants-Splitting Frustration into Pants-Fitting Success.

Thank you to NetGalley and Skyhorse Publishing for a free advance reading copy of this book!

Thanks for reading!

Splintered by A.G. Howard

Alyssa is a descendant of Alice Liddell- the Alice who inspired Carroll to write his tale of white rabbits and fantastical creatures. But, Alyssa has a family secret: the women of her bloodline go insane when they come of age.

She tries to look on the positive side of this: At least one good thing has come out of my inherited insanity. Without the delusions, I might never have found my artistic medium.” pg 10, ebook.

Alyssa is in love with Jeb, a dark and brooding young man with a penchant for grunge clothing and a lip piercing (that she talks about all the time). But, he is dating the most popular girl in Alyssa’s high school class, Taelor (of course).

Things get really exciting when Alyssa starts to hear voices coming from the bugs and plants.

After a brief introduction where the reader learns that Jeb is freakishly controlling and Alyssa’s mother is in an insane asylum, she falls through a mirror and after some trials, finds her way into Wonderland.

I thought this could have been a potentially interesting re-telling of the classic Alice in Wonderland story, but Splintered‘s uniqueness is stifled under a bunch of teen angst and a love triangle.

Granted, I’m not the target audience for this book, but I’d been on a roll lately with awesome fairy tale re-tellings and I thought I’d give it a shot. Oh well.

I actually enjoyed A.G. Howard’s interpretation of Wonderland itself. The characters were familiar but twisted slightly.

Here’s a passage from the tea party- my favorite part: “Now we need to get back to our world. Like yesterday.” “Yesterday, you say?” the hatmaker warbles in his bouncing timbre. “Yesterday is doable.” Guffawing, the hare slaps a knee and adds, “Although two yesterdays would be impossible.” The Door Mouse snickers, slipping back into his uniform. “No, no! You can retrogress as many yesterdays as you please. Simply walk backward the rest of your life.” pg 187, ebook.

See? Howard nailed the classic characterizations, but Carroll’s original creations were far superior to Alyssa, Jeb, and Morpheus, who were her main contributions to the story.

Disregard my opinions on this book if you simply must read any and all fairy tale re-tellings because, at the very least, it is that.

Just be aware what you’re picking up- a young adult romance/coming of age- and if that’s what you’re in the mood for, you may really enjoy it.

I find that my expectations shape my opinion of a book almost as much as the text itself. For example, I think if I had been warned that Alice in Zombieland had really very little to do with the Wonderland story, I may not have disliked it as much as I did.

Splintered actually has a lot of the original Wonderland in it and, if I had to choose between Alice in Zombieland or Splintered, I’d pick this in a heartbeat.

Some highly recommended horror/fairy tale re-tellings (for adults): Alice or All Darling Children.

Thanks for reading!

After a While You Just Get Used to It: A Tale of Family Clutter by Gwendolyn Knapp

Sometimes poignant, other times appalling memoir by Gwendolyn (Wendy) Knapp that describes her dysfunctional family, drama filled relationships, and quest to find a job as a struggling writer in New Orleans.

The poverty level and drug addicted aunt described in After a While You Just Get Used to Itreally reminded me of Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis except that instead of in Appalachia, Gwendolyn describes a childhood in Florida. I suppose that some struggles are universal.

Although I enjoyed the stories, I wanted to read more about how the family dealt with Gwendolyn’s mother’s hoarding. Anybody else binge watch episodes of A&E’s Hoarders? It’s strangely compelling.

One lady collected every single flower bouquet message card that she had ever received- a leaning tower of Pisa in miniature, just perpetually collecting dust on one of her many side tables.

Anyway, the hoarding angle isn’t what this book is really about. The focus is mainly on Gwendolyn’s coming of age and early adulthood.

Gwendolyn is slightly older than me, but I enjoyed hearing about specific details from her childhood because I remembered some of those things in mine, like: “I applied my Dr Pepper lip gloss and pulled on my deflated Nike Airs, watching Mom give John a hug before saying her world-famous line, “Well, excuse our junk.” pg 6.

Not to brag, but I think I had a Dr Pepper lip gloss and a Mint Chocolate Chip chapstick. Those were the days…

I knew that hoarders were emotionally attached to their belongings, but what I didn’t realize is that they’re also connected to their relatives through their stuff, though it makes sense when you think about it.

This is what happened when Gwendolyn’s grandpa died: “When an old relative dies, pack rats usually take in all they can from the person’s home as if they’re adopting abandoned children. It’s their duty. Since Grandma kept all his things, her kids had to find new ways to fill their void. Pack rats build up the world around them, separating themselves with a cloak of comfort from the outside world…” pg 16

Gwendolyn’s large, extended family has a passive aggressive, sometimes overtly aggressive love/hate thing going for it.

She describes her holidays as: “It was cacophonous, ear piercing, and annoying. Don’t worry, you might warn a newcomer, some bewildered boyfriend or classmate you’d invited and would never hear from again, after a while you just get used to it. Once the first jug of wine was finished, the racist diatribes and Burl Ives impersonations reared their ugly heads like gophers in need of malleting. … It wasn’t a holiday until my mother, and everybody else for that matter, had left Grandma’s feeling victimized by their loved ones.” pgs 54-55.

Reading scads of memoirs has made me truly appreciate my own family and our very low levels of dysfunction, especially considering how large we are.

Here was the moment when I thought that we were going to deal with the hoarder thing for good, but Gwendolyn records this realization and time just marches on: “Imagine your mother burying herself alive. Imagine knowing there’s nothing you can do to help her. Imagine this every day of your life.” pg 85

Recommended for readers who grew up during the late 70’s/early 80’s or for people who like to read about dysfunctional families. Some further suggestions: Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis (similar themes like poverty and drug addiction), Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned” (struggling writer comes of age, details failed relationships), The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories (coming of age theme, but far more serious treatment than this book).

Thanks for reading!

Marie Antoinette’s Darkest Days: Prisoner No. 280 in the Conciergerie by Will Bashor

I thought that after the King and Queen of France were taken by the Revolutionaries that what happened went like, “You were the monarchs but now we have a Republic. Off with your heads.” and boom, it was done.

How wrong I was.

Did you know, that both Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were given very brief public “trials”? Did you know that Marie Antoinette languished in a prison for weeks after her husband was executed?

Did you know that the bodies of both former monarchs were dumped in unmarked graves?

Marie Antoinette’s Darkest Days taught me so much about this horrific period of French history.

At times, especially during the actual transcripts of the Queen’s trial, the story dragged, but for the most part, this was a fascinating study of the last days of a much maligned monarch.

“Generations of authors have reveled in reliving the queen’s reign amid the splendors of the court of Versailles and the Petit Trianon, but few have ever found the space (or perhaps the courage) in their voluminous biographies to narrate her final imprisonment in a fetid dungeon cell at the Conciergerie.” loc 198, ebook.

I am a huge fan of historical fiction and I had never heard a whisper about this. Many thanks to Bashor for filling that gap!

The King promised his family to say goodbye before he was taken to the guillotine but he never went to them. Can you imagine the heartbreak?

“Say to the queen, my dear children, and my sister,” he continued, “that I had promised to see them this morning, but that I desired to spare them the agony of such a bitter separation twice over. How much it has cost me to depart without receiving their last embraces!” loc 862 ebook.

Cruelly, Marie Antoinette was also separated from her children and her sister-in-law and transported to a different prison. As a mother myself, Marie Antoinette’s heartbreak about having her children taken from her was the hardest part of the book for me to get through.

Even though her sham 48 hour trial didn’t prove definitively that she had done anything wrong, Marie Antoinette was sentenced to death.

Here is a passage that gives the gist of the thing: “Herman: You have never ceased for one moment wanting to destroy liberty. You wanted to reign at any price and retake the throne on the cadavers of patriots. Queen: Whether it was necessary to retake the throne or not, we only desired the happiness of France. If France was happy, we were always content.” loc 1901, ebook.

Back and forth it went. Accusations of wrong doing, her denial, and then more accusations. I can’t believe that they killed her after that- it’s shocking what a mob mentality can justify.

But the public absolutely hated her. “It was also true that Marie Antoinette was “ill-treated” in the French press and elsewhere. An abundant number of provocative and obscene pamphlets were distributed throughout the capital, the provinces of France, and other European capitals. They argued not only that the queen corrupted the morals of her people but that her luxurious habits were the cause of their hunger. She was even said to powder her hair with the precious flour needed for the people’s bread.” loc 2046. Ugh.

The press has always been a powerful tool to sway public opinion, but what sad results when that power is used generate hate rather than inform and educate.

Marie Antoinette was hard core to the end. She refused to take her last rites from priests who had sworn an oath to the Revolutionaries. This is what she said to the priest who demanded to hear her confession before she was led to her execution:“You are guilty,” said the priest. “Ah, sometimes careless,” said the queen. “Never guilty.” loc 3005 ebook. I may have to use that one.

Recommended for anybody who wants to know more about the last days of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette but also for those interested in what happens to a society when hatred and fear are allowed free reign. Some further reading: Abundance (excellent historical fiction about Marie Antoinette).

Thank you to NetGalley and Rowman & Littlefield Publishing for a free digital copy of this book! And, thank you for reading.

Texts from Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg

Though the premise was clever, Texts from Jane Eyre reads a lot like text message conversations in real life- shallow and repetitive after the first few lines.

Also, there wasn’t a synopsis included in these pages, so if you hadn’t read a classic or, if you’d read it so long ago that you’d forgotten most of it, you were out of luck.

The best of the lot was the Samuel Taylor Coleridge chapter that starts on pg 43 in which he’s on a ramble about the golden palace of Kubla Khan and then a delivery guy comes to the door and ruins his flow.

The worst was the Harry Potter chapter in which Ron and Hermione have a ‘conversation’ but Ron is written as a complete moron and she is confounded by his idiocy. Very mediocre and unworthy of either of those characters.

If you feel the need to read this one, check it out from the library. A related read if you enjoyed it: When Parents Text: So Much Said…So Little Understood.

Thanks for reading!

Get Your Sht Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight

Knight is an acquired taste, but I generally enjoyed Get Your Sh*t Together. Her self help books are full of useful tips, profanity, and irreverent humor so don’t pick this title up if you’re easily offended.

If you know someone who seriously needs to get their you-know-what together, this could be the title you’ve been waiting for!

Knight keeps it real from the first page: “(This book) is more of a let-me-help-you-help-yourself-help book, with “me” here to “help” when your “self” gets in the way. Let’s face it- if you could help yourself, you’d have done it by now, right? Also, unlike many traditional self-help authors, I am going to use the word sh*t 332 times (including several sh*tmanteaus of my own invention), so please do not go on Amazon saying you were expecting sunshine and kittens and got sh*tstorms and sh*ttens.” loc 31, ebook. And so on, and so forth.

I’ve also enjoyed The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do and I felt as if Knight shared more of herself in this offering than that one.

We learn that she had/has anxiety attacks and had to pull her life together because it was falling apart. Not many self help authors display their humanity and imperfections like that and I really appreciated her honesty.

Plus, readers get to reap the benefits of her hard won wisdom and we know it works because she got her stuff together enough to write the book.

I really like Knight’s various life philosophies, which she sprinkles throughout.

Here’s one of my favorites: “In my book- and in the Game of Life- you’re competing exclusively against yourself. Not other players, not even the computer. … Winning is getting what you want out of your time on planet Earth, whatever that entails. It could be the house, job, car, partner, or hairstyle of your dreams.” loc 502, ebook.

Be the best you that you can be and forget about the rest. Good advice.

Knight also gives a ‘nod’ to Marie Kondo’s internationally best selling title and Knight’s thoughts about it may appeal to more readers than the original material: “At this point, we’re living in a post-tidying society. … People get their tidying groove on for a few months, or even just a few weeks, and then… kinda lose the thread. … Why is that? Well, I submit that if they had their sh*t together in the first place, the tidying bug would have stuck.” loc 2547, ebook. Sound familiar to anyone?

Among the many life issues that Knight tackles, her thoughts on perfectionism struck particularly close to home for me: “When you accept that failure is an option, you move it from the realm of anxiety-inducing anticipation into a reality that you’ll deal with when (and more importantly, IF) that ever happens. Your energy is better spent on accomplishing goals in the here and now than on worrying about failure in the abstract.” loc 3049, ebook.

Recommended for people who need self help but don’t like reading self help, probably 18+ because of the language.

Sarah Knight will give you some life changing tips and along the way, you may learn some unique new uses for the word: sh*t. Some further reading: The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do, The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy, and How to Be Dull: Standing Out Next to Genius.

Thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for a free ARC of this book! And, thank you for reading.

Zen Dogs by Alexandra Cearns

This unique book is a series of pictures of dogs in a ‘zen’ state. Even though I’m more of a cat than a dog person (gasp, I know!), I found it completely charming.

See more of the photos here: http://www.boredpanda.com/relaxed-pet…

Fun, aren’t they?

As I enjoyed the pictures, I found myself becoming more relaxed. Cearns reminds us in the introduction: “Like the dogs in these photos and the canine companion on your couch, we all need to stop, take a break, relax, and unwind- to breathe it all in and be fully present in each and every experience.” Preach.

The best part of the collection is comparing the ‘zen’ photos to the regular photos of each pooch. I couldn’t believe the difference that eyes opened vs eyes closed made. Check this book out and see for yourself! Recommended for everyone with two legs or four.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Category: Reviews

Chieftain of Andor by Andrew Offutt

The Autumnlands V. 1: Tooth & Claw by Kurt Busiek

Running with a Police Escort: Tales from the Back of the Pack by Jill Grunenwald

Splintered by A.G. Howard

After a While You Just Get Used to It: A Tale of Family Clutter by Gwendolyn Knapp

Marie Antoinette’s Darkest Days: Prisoner No. 280 in the Conciergerie by Will Bashor

Texts from Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg

Get Your Sht Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight

Zen Dogs by Alexandra Cearns

Menu

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Menu