
How to Talk About Places You’ve Never Been is a funny little non-fiction book about the skill of conversing about places you’ve never actually been.
At first, I couldn’t figure out what tone the author was wanting to convey because he, quite seriously, discusses why and how to describe places that the reader has never been- a topic that I, before I read this, didn’t take seriously at all.
I eventually settled my inner dialogue’s tone to “slightly grizzled professor who is smiling while lecturing” and that seemed to fit the bill.
There’s a lot to enjoy in here like Marco Polo’s hilarious description of unicorns.
Polo is presented as an armchair traveler because he left out so many important details about the area he was describing (like the Great Wall) and, quite brazenly, made other stuff up: “They have great numbers of elephants and also great numbers of unicorns, which are not smaller than the elephants. Here is what they look like: they have the same hide as a buffalo, feet like an elephant, and they have very thick, black horns in the middle of their foreheads.” pg 9

Oddly enough, that sounds rather like the Siberian unicorn, doesn’t it? Only problem is- they became extinct so long ago, that Polo would have never seen one.
The character Phileas Fogg from Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne, goes around the world and never leaves his cabin to see the sights.
Bayard thinks this is an excellent strategy: “The idea of staying in your cabin for the entire journey highlights the importance of the imagination and reflection in our approach to place. These are activities that Fogg is able to commit himself to completely vis-a-vis the places passed through, with all the more energy because he doesn’t waste precious time visiting them.” pg 29
Chateaubriand went beyond simply trying to describe his travels in Ohio, he put an island into the middle of it in his “memoir.”

Bayard applauds his imaginative creation as precise accuracy of physical locations is not what is necessarily important to an armchair traveler:“As Jean-Claude Berchet recalls, (the island) was first situated in what is now Florida at the time of Travels in America. Migrating, it then made a foray into the Mississippi at the time of an 1834 manuscript, before, following its movement northward, it found itself here in Ohio, several thousand kilometers away, clearly justifying the epithet of “a floating island.” pg 57
Bayard’s reasons why the reader may, one day, have to convince someone that they had been somewhere that they actually had not been: “The first is adultery. … The second, murder, is fortunately less common, but any one of us might become confronted with the necessity of having to take this route to ensure our peace and quiet one day. pg 103
How exciting and dramatic! And here I thought this book was just about sitting in your chair and day dreaming. 🙂

“It is impossible to hope to speak with any conviction of places you haven’t been to without a vivid imagination. The capacity to dream and to make others dream is essential to anyone wanting to describe an unknown place and hoping to capture the imagination of their readers and listeners.” pg 123
Dream on, readers, dream on!
If you enjoyed How to Talk About Places You’ve Never Been, you may want to pick up The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton or The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World by Chris Guillebeau but, keep in mind, these books recommend that you actually go to the places, not just dream it.
I received this book through the Good Reads First Reads program. Thanks for reading!
- Steve Cox and Matthew Walker’s Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom, a review
- Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, a review
- Edward Berger’s The Ballad of a Small Player, a review
- Otherwhere: A Field Guide to Nonphysical Reality for the Out-Of-Body Traveler by Kurt Leland
- Psychic Dreamwalking: Explorations at the Edge of Self by Michelle Belanger


Under the Empyrean Sky is the story of Cael and his friends, Rigo and Lane. They live in the Heartland, an agrarian world of genetically modified corn where no other crops thrive because of the aggressiveness of the new crop. There is little to no opportunity for education or work because the Empyreans, a separate section of their society that cruises overhead on their giant, flying machines, controls every aspect of their life from the food that they eat to who they can marry. Cael is the head of a scavenger crew who, in the course of their work day, stumbles across a forbidden garden and their lives change course forever.
A wholly original shape-shifter tale that also delves into identity, gender roles, and love. Alok is a college professor who is approached one night by a person who claims to be more than a man. Alok doesn’t believe the stranger until an unbelievable vision, caused by the man’s hypnotic words, appears in Alok’s mind. Suddenly, the stranger’s claims that he’s a werewolf don’t seem so far fetched. The stranger, who won’t reveal his name, has a job for Alok, the transcription of an ancient narrative that was written by a shape-shifter, a creature of magic and blood that consumes humans like prey. Through his work on the story, Alok comes to know the stranger and a world that is beyond anything he ever dreamed.
Warning: minor spoilers ahead! Read with caution.
Typical young adult fantasy in that the ‘big twist’ was obvious from the start, but this story still has some charm. Cinder is a cyborg mechanic who wants to go to the ball, but she doesn’t have the time or money to do so. She lives in a world where cyborgs are despised, but tolerated. Humankind is suffering from a plague, one which strikes without warning and leaves the affected dead within days. There’s a draft for cyborgs to be tested upon in order to find a cure for this disease but Cinder is lucky in that her number hasn’t been drawn yet.
This book was very strange. It reminded me of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl. Moers writes page after page of strange creatures, worlds, and circumstances that are only connected because Bluebear passes through them. And, like in Dahl’s book, I felt like the author was always hinting about a greater truth behind the story, as if The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear was more a gigantic allegory than a children’s book. I enjoyed the fantastic nature of it but I didn’t like the long lists of creatures that read more like crazy encyclopedic entries than an actual story with characters.
Sometimes life kills you before you die. It’s not a death of the body but a slow wearing away of the spirit that you carried from your birth through your childhood until wherever it is that time finds you now. That flickering flame of beliefs and dreams that you somehow knew was a true vision of reality but you had no real reason to believe so, except that inner feeling in your chest that would incline its head in quiet acknowledgment when you consult it. I thought that life had devoured my romantic streak but then this little book of poetry made me cry and I realized that my flame still burns. Some things can never be lost. That’s what this collection made me feel. I suppose all good poetry should make you feel like that.


