Author Elaine Aron defines “highly sensitive persons” (HSPs) and gives a plethora of coping mechanisms as well as case studies to support the definition. She also includes tests so you can discover where you are in the HSP world.

“The trait was always there, of course, just called by other names. But its essential elements were not known, so it was described by external behaviors only, such as ‘shy’ or ‘introverted.'” pg 54, ebook

This was only the second book I’ve read about HSPs. Prior to this, I have heard HSPs being described as having sensory processing disorders, which exist on a spectrum like most everything else in the psychology universe, or simple shyness.

“My term for it is sensory processing sensitivity, but the same trait is also called environmental sensitivity or reactivity; biological sensitivity to context; differential susceptibility or vantage sensitivity; or identified by the names of certain genetic variations or as in animals, sometimes termed behavioral plasticity or flexibility.” pg 82, ebook

Despite my lack of background in the topic, there was very little new information in this book. A big take-away was to improve your communication style and keep in touch with the people in your life who love you. So many problems can be cleared up with clear, concise communication.

Also, attempt to address any troubles you may have from a dysfunctional childhood or relationships prior to embarking on a new relationship. Healer, heal thyself.

Another coping mechanism I use regularly, but didn’t realize I did, is handling over arousal. Whenever I find myself being overwhelmed by life, I find a backroom and take a minute or two to myself. Sometimes I just breathe. If I’m not at work, I pick up a book or get a hot drink.

“Anger is a highly stimulating emotion. HSPs are strongly affected by it, even when we just witness it. pg 77, ebook

Aron encourages readers to find their “optimal level of arousal” since it varies from person to person. Know yourself and your limits, and tell your loved ones. Also, give yourself permission to turn off your sensitivity. It may seem silly- but that never occurred to me.

“All HSPs, men or women, are more aware of what other people are feeling, what they want and need. Thanks to your spontaneous deep processing, you also can sense what will happen if others don’t receive what they need- they may suffer, fail at what they want to do, become angry with you, feel disappointed with you. And being more sensitive, when they feel bad, you will be bothered too… pg 56, ebook

I tried to treat everyone the same and it led to some serious problems in my personal as well as professional life.

One of the most helpful parts of this book was Aron’s invitation to reframe my past in light of my new self knowledge. Prior to learning about HSPs, I was barely functioning in a world that didn’t necessary make room for me. Now I know I’m not alone in this- and have more tools in my metaphorical belt to help me get through the day.

I’m not entirely convinced by the final section of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love that discusses HSPs being more spiritual or falling harder in love than non-HSPs. It’s a romantic sentiment perhaps, but I was unconvinced by the evidence. I think we’re all in this love game together.

Recommended for readers who are or have a loved one who is a highly sensitive person. I’m curious to know what others in the community think about this book. If you do have a chance to pick it up, please write a review and let me know. 🙂

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