Love People, Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works by Joshua Fields Millburn

Love People, Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works by Joshua Fields Millburn

‘The Minimalists,’ Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, share their life journeys towards intentional living using seven different areas of focus: stuff, truth, self, values, money, creativity and people. Readers are invited to use the lessons they have learned to enact positive change in their own lives.

I, like many, had preconceived notions about what minimalism is. I thought it was about creating a living space that has like one chair, one table, and a cup with a single sharpened pencil in it. You can see the room, can’t you. In my mind, that was minimalism- bare to the point of ridiculousness.

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Millburn addresses this misconception early on in the book.

“Minimalists don’t focus on having less, less, less; they focus on making room for more: more time, more passion, more creativity, more experiences, more contribution, more contentment, more freedom.” pgs 35-36

Sounds pretty good to me, Josh. So how do we get there?

“Minimalism is a practice of intentional living. While it starts with the stuff, it’s ultimately a stewardship program for one’s life.” pg 124-125

I’ve recently experienced some major changes in my life, which include relocating to a new home and moving almost a decade’s worth of stuff. During the process, I took the time to try on every piece of clothing in my wardrobe and, to my not-unexpected dismay, about three-quarters of the clothing no longer fit.

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It was simply a matter of donating the old clothes then. But I found myself hesitating to do so. I’ve lived a lot of life in those clothes and just holding them brought back so many memories.

I realize the memories aren’t in the items, they’re in me. Millburn points out that it’s easy to make that mistake.

“While it’s true that our memories are not in our things, it is also true that sometimes our things can trigger memories inside us.” pg 20

He recommends taking pictures of these treasured items so you can continue to access the memories at will while still making room for growth.

Because that’s what all of this minimalism stuff is geared towards: Living an intentional life so you can grow with the values that you’ve chosen for yourself. What you’re aiming for is growing like a cultivated flower about to bloom rather than a tumor that spills out uncontrolled in all directions.

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“Growth is a critical component of a meaningful life- as long as it’s responsible growth- because continual improvement makes us feel alive and brings purpose to our actions.” pg 170

To do so, we must first confront the reasons why we’re holding on to all these items in the first place.

Fear is a common theme with people who are starting to confront their stuff. We’re afraid to pull back the curtain because we’re afraid not of the stuff itself, but of the work that must be done to live a more rewarding life after getting rid of it.” pg 102

And for me that’s the crux of the issue- fear. What am I afraid of? I’m afraid of living a life that doesn’t match up with my values. I fear change, not because it might be negative but because it pulls me out of my little routines into a place of uncomfortable uncertainty.

Your fears are probably quite different from mine, but the point is that you have them. Do you know what yours are?

Highly recommended for readers interested in self improvement, self help or the minimalist movement. Thank you to the publisher for a free advance reader’s copy of this book.

And thanks for reading!

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Sheryl Sandberg stresses the need for collaborative approaches and teamwork because both strategies lead to greater success and gender equality in business. She then takes that idea a step further and ventures to say that if this collaborative model could be applied both on the job, in relationships, and at home that this could change the world.

It probably could. I’m certainly willing to give it a try.

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The part of Lean In that I was most receptive to was the discussion about the Queen Bee syndrome of females in upper management and how, sometimes, women keep other women down because of the attitude that “there can only be one”.

Probably because of my background, I’ve always approached friendships with other women with the mind set of a “world family” and do my best to help others with their needs in whatever capacity I can. I have rarely found a friend or business associate who responds with the same level of support. I suspect that this tendency in life to look out for number one is caused by the lack of unconditional love that a supportive family unit provides first developmentally as a child and then into adulthood.

It is no wonder that women, if made to feel inferior to other family members at home, react in an aggressive way when “competing” with other females on the job rather than reaching out a hand in welcome.

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I was fortunate to grow up in an all female household (plus Dad) so gender equality wasn’t an issue that I ever had to consider until I had a child of my own and had to make decisions about work and childcare. My sisters and I weren’t compared to brothers or ever told that we couldn’t have something that we wanted or be successful simply because we were female.

In fact, my mother’s father was on the forefront of the integration of females into the Air Force. He gave his daughter a male name (Allyn) because his thinking was that gender equality was going to shift to a more equal stance during her lifetime. But, it was going to take some time for attitudes to change. In the meantime, he wanted her resume and career to be judged and advanced on its merits, which, he figured, would be smoother and avoid all the pitfalls of sexism if recruiters thought she was a man.

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Clever Grandpa and hooray for me that my mother had a positive, feminist role model for a father.

I’m also lucky in that, because of my many female siblings, I have a ready-made “sisterhood” of support. Many of the issues that Sandberg discusses in Lean In, I’ve encountered, but I was lucky enough to have solutions for in the embodiment of my family. I know that not everyone has that type of support in their career and personal life, and I fully appreciate that I’m spoiled in my lifestyle.

If you enjoyed Lean In, I’d suggest Spinster: Making a Life of One’s Own (a discussion of feminist issues in relationships and marriage) and Artemis: The Indomitable Spirit in Everywoman (a feminist dissection of a few mythological archetypes to empower women through the exploration of the subconscious mind).

Thanks for reading!