The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

Author Elaine Aron defines “highly sensitive persons” (HSPs) and gives a plethora of coping mechanisms as well as case studies to support the definition. She also includes tests so you can discover where you are in the HSP world.

“The trait was always there, of course, just called by other names. But its essential elements were not known, so it was described by external behaviors only, such as ‘shy’ or ‘introverted.'” pg 54, ebook

This was only the second book I’ve read about HSPs. Prior to this, I have heard HSPs being described as having sensory processing disorders, which exist on a spectrum like most everything else in the psychology universe, or simple shyness.

“My term for it is sensory processing sensitivity, but the same trait is also called environmental sensitivity or reactivity; biological sensitivity to context; differential susceptibility or vantage sensitivity; or identified by the names of certain genetic variations or as in animals, sometimes termed behavioral plasticity or flexibility.” pg 82, ebook

Despite my lack of background in the topic, there was very little new information in this book. A big take-away was to improve your communication style and keep in touch with the people in your life who love you. So many problems can be cleared up with clear, concise communication.

Also, attempt to address any troubles you may have from a dysfunctional childhood or relationships prior to embarking on a new relationship. Healer, heal thyself.

Another coping mechanism I use regularly, but didn’t realize I did, is handling over arousal. Whenever I find myself being overwhelmed by life, I find a backroom and take a minute or two to myself. Sometimes I just breathe. If I’m not at work, I pick up a book or get a hot drink.

“Anger is a highly stimulating emotion. HSPs are strongly affected by it, even when we just witness it. pg 77, ebook

Aron encourages readers to find their “optimal level of arousal” since it varies from person to person. Know yourself and your limits, and tell your loved ones. Also, give yourself permission to turn off your sensitivity. It may seem silly- but that never occurred to me.

“All HSPs, men or women, are more aware of what other people are feeling, what they want and need. Thanks to your spontaneous deep processing, you also can sense what will happen if others don’t receive what they need- they may suffer, fail at what they want to do, become angry with you, feel disappointed with you. And being more sensitive, when they feel bad, you will be bothered too… pg 56, ebook

I tried to treat everyone the same and it led to some serious problems in my personal as well as professional life.

One of the most helpful parts of this book was Aron’s invitation to reframe my past in light of my new self knowledge. Prior to learning about HSPs, I was barely functioning in a world that didn’t necessary make room for me. Now I know I’m not alone in this- and have more tools in my metaphorical belt to help me get through the day.

I’m not entirely convinced by the final section of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love that discusses HSPs being more spiritual or falling harder in love than non-HSPs. It’s a romantic sentiment perhaps, but I was unconvinced by the evidence. I think we’re all in this love game together.

Recommended for readers who are or have a loved one who is a highly sensitive person. I’m curious to know what others in the community think about this book. If you do have a chance to pick it up, please write a review and let me know. 🙂

Eckhart Tolle’s “The Everyday and the Transcendent”: a Podcast Review

While I was on my daily walk, I listened to “The Everyday and the Transcendent” a podcast on Spotify in Eckhart Tolle’s “Essential Teachings” series.

Was it worth the listen? I say yes.

I enjoy learning from Eckhart occasionally but not all the time. He has a soothing voice and his stream-of-consciousness delivery style is hypnotizing.

However, after a couple hours of his teachings, they all begin to sound exactly the same. And that’s because his core message never changes- which isn’t a bad thing.

Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

Beware self help or spiritual gurus who hold up a carrot of further secrets. As my hairstylist said after visiting an aura cleanser for the first time, “You can overdo stuff like that.” By which she meant, pouring piles of money into someone’s hands to “fix” something you can’t even perceive.

The cool thing about Eckhart’s teachings is you can begin practicing and perceiving what he’s talking about right this second, no matter your situation or state-of-mind.

For example, in this podcast, a practical tool he offers for spiritual insight is to simply observe what he calls your “inner body”. His focus, which he says he’s used over the years to great success, is to monitor what the energy of his hands are doing.

How do you do that? Simple- feel your hands. Act like you’re going to pick up a pencil, but don’t move. There! You can feel that can’t you.

Do this multiple times a day or just once in awhile and you’ll begin taking your focus away from what Eckhart calls “thought forms” and enter the state of “the now”.

This particular podcast deals with “the everyday” which Eckhart describes as your job, your family, your home, all of the trappings of the physical life. He says most people never move beyond the everyday. We can get lost in the world around us, which he reminds us, are simply projections that we create through our perceptions.

He describes the everyday as a horizontal line- a visualization that I found very helpful.

When you are lost in anxiety or fear, you’re moving either forwards or backwards on this line and not staying in the present moment, which is where the second part of his visualization comes in.

Eckhart describes “the transcendent” as a vertical line that intersects the horizontal line of daily living. He says we travel upwards and downwards on this line through our thoughts as we go about our lives.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

The thing is: most of humanity isn’t aware that we’re doing this. We unconsciously move about our day, responding in a kneejerk way to things we perceive as “happening to” us. And, Eckhart says, they actually are “happening to” us because we aren’t aware we are doing it.

If only we could realize our own internal processes, then, he says, we would realize that nothing really “happens to” you. It is all movement along the metaphorical everyday and the transcendent lines of our lives.

We break the power that thoughts have over us and enter into the timeless state of the Now. The holy grail, so to speak, of spiritual experiences.

Highly recommended for spiritual seekers who are looking for practical ways to practice being present. Thanks for reading!

If you’re interested in Eckhart Tolle’s further teachings, here my book review of his “Stillness Speaks”:

Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

And you can listen to the podcast yourself here:

The Art of True Healing: The Unlimited Power of Prayer and Visualization by Israel Regardie, Marc Allen (Editor)

Israel Regardie is a little-known thought leader of western occultism. In this book, “The Art of Healing,” Dr. Regardie explains a few meditation techniques in a way that anyone from beginners to advanced practitioners can understand.

I remember reading somewhere (not this book) about Dr. Regardie’s internship with Aleister Crowley and how he realized Crowley wasn’t teaching him anything beyond the superficial when it came to occult matters.

He ended up breaking away and being one of the leaders of a new approach to occultism-
which brings me back to this book.

The meditation techniques will feel quite familiar to anyone who has practiced chakra meditations or color visualizations on the body.

“By these means, the healing force is distributed to every part of the body. No single atom or cell in any organ or limb is omitted from the influence of its healing, regenerative power.”

The curious part of this book is that Dr. Regardie uses five centers of energy down the center of the body instead of the more standard seven of eastern occultism.

Of course, as Dr. Regardie states, these exercises are in no way a substitution for competent medical care or therapy when necessary – but they are a wonderful addition to it, for they are able to aid the healing process in a great many mysterious, profound, and positive ways. intro

I’m not entirely sure why he does this though I am familiar with the Middle Pillar exercise (which is what the technique is called). Perhaps he’s basing the whole practice off of a teaching Crowley created for his occult studies.

Dr. Israel Regardie and the Middle Pillar exercise.

Whatever the reason, I think it is a noteworthy and definite change from other meditations I’ve practiced.

Highly recommended for readers looking for new meditation techniques and who are interested in western occultism. Another book you may want to pick up if you are into these topics is High Magick: A Guide to the Spiritual Practices That Saved My Life on Death Row.

Damien Echols‘s style of writing reminds me of Dr. Regardie in both its refreshing simplicity and honest assessment of the Great Work.

Thanks for reading!

O’s Little Book of Happiness by O, The Oprah Magazine (Editor), Thelma Adams (Contributor)

This collection of essays from the pages of O are wonderful. Through memories and insights, the writers of each chapter have something uplifting and inspiring to share.

My favorite was the chapter entitled “My Unplanned Adventure” by Catherine Price, pgs 88-99. It’s about an uptight traveler who planned every aspect of her trips around the world until she came to the conclusion that she was overthinking it.

Once she figured this out, she walked up to a person, asked them where they would travel if they could go anywhere, and went there. I won’t ruin the essay by relating all of it here, but it resonated with me. I also have to remind myself that going with the flow is always more desirable than white-knuckling intricate plans and time tables.

I have to confess: I am not a reader of magazines. I find them to be filled to the brim with advertisements for things I neither want nor need and, after I’ve dug through the pages of stuff for sale, I find the writing to be insipid. “Six new sex positions!” “Keep your romance alive!” blah, blah, blah…

That being said, O’s Little Book of Happiness was totally different from my expectations of what a magazine is and introduced to me the idea of what a magazine could be. (And there were no advertisements!)

A couple of the essays felt too short- one page or one paragraph in some instances- but for the most part I enjoyed their length and the order they are arranged in.

There’s something very powerful in reading back-to-back essays about happiness and accounts of people finding their path in life. I read this through in almost one sitting but it could also be savored slowly like a-chapter-a-day devotional guide.

I enjoyed this very much. And I hope you will too.

If you like O’s Little Book of Happiness, I would also recommend Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill by Matthieu Ricard and Living Oprah: My One-Year Experiment to Live as TV’s Most Influential Guru Advises by Robyn Okrant.

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading.

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock is a behind the scenes glimpse into the “People Operations” of Google, the mammoth internet company.

Laszlo explains Google wasn’t always a global leader. It started out like every other company- with a couple of dedicated people and a big dream.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

After some background, Laszlo gives step-by-step ways to improve your own business, whatever that may be, from the inside-out while remaining true to the mission that led to the creation of your company in the first place.

It’s clear from this book that Google is an engineer-dominated workplace. Every decision from hiring to employee perks is tested and the numbers are crunched to justify the expense, time spent, etc.

Photo by Anna Nekrashevich on Pexels.com

To be honest, psychology tests, graphs, and in-depth analysis isn’t really my thing. I enjoy a more artsy approach to the world and so the nitty-gritty of Laszlo’s work wasn’t that interesting to me.

In <i>Work Rules</i>, I was hoping for more insider stories than engineering problems, but that’s not how the book was written.

That’s not to say that there isn’t value to be had in this read. My take-away chapters were “It’s Not All Rainbows and Unicorns” and “What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow.”

In ‘It’s Not All Rainbows and Unicorns,’ Laszlo gives the reader moments in Google’s history when their policies didn’t really work and how they got through the crisis. It was heavy on dramatic stories and I enjoyed it quite a lot.

In ‘What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow,’ Laszlo boils down his previous chapters into ten steps for businesses to take right now. If you don’t have time to dig through the entire book, ‘What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow’ gives you a pretty thorough overview.

If you enjoyed <i>Work Rules!</i>, you may enjoy The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. Shawn explains, in an engaging manner, many of the principles that Google has adopted to improve their employees’ quality of life.

I received a free advanced reader’s copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading.

Terms of Service: Social Media and the Price of Constant Connection by Jacob Silverman

Author Jacob Silverman digs deeply into various social media platforms and uncovers not only privacy violations but also underlying attitudes adopted by the platform owners that point towards a future that is completely controlled by digital government watchdogs and technological elites.

Terms of Service is a terrifying book to me in many ways.

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I knew some of the pitfalls of the big networks like Facebook, but I didn’t know all of them. This book changed the way that I view the portable devices that everyone carries around with them. Instead of helpful tools, I now see that they can be a chilling and impersonal form of control and surveillance, if we let them.

Terms of Service isn’t all doom and gloom though. Silverman gives the reader innovative ways to buck the bland, over-sharing majority and examples of creative hackers and programmers who are doing just that.

He also suggests some sweeping societal changes within the government like a twenty-first century Bill of Rights to address the troubles and privacy challenges of technology and a universal minimum wage to unlock the chains of digital serfdom.

It’s an exciting possible vision for the future. I wonder if we will ever manage to do any of that.

This is the part of the review where I try to list read-alikes or books with a similar theme, but I think that Terms of Service is in a class all of its own. I think parents, educators, politicians, and anyone who uses the internet should read and discuss this book.

It is only through knowing the dangers of constant connection that we can begin to address them. Terms of Service provides an eye-opening and disturbing view of how far we have let the situation go.

But, never fear, with proper education- like reading this book- anything is possible.

I received a free advanced reader’s copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thanks for reading.

The Master Guide to Impactful Thank You Notes by Jay D. Burgmann

“An effective follow-up with a prospect, client, boss, work associate, friend, or even relative accomplishes two things; first, it gives you the occasion to recap your event, and second, provides the opportunity to celebrate actions or accomplishments from it.”

Thank You notes are a big deal for me during the month of December. At the beginning of the month, I have my birthday and at the end there’s Christmas- the mother of all holidays that require thank you notes.

For full transparency, I received a free copy of this book from the author Jay D. Burgmann after his brother conducted a lovely and gratis ‘understanding Medicare’ event at my local library. Afterwards, Jay suggested I schedule an event based off his book and I just may.

The book itself is clearly self published. The author didn’t chose a font that appeals, at least to me. Occasionally, when he wants the reader to know the text is important, he goes into the faux pas of all caps.

I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t like being shouted at- even in literature form.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Like this: “KEY POINT- IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. SAYING THANKS IS MOST IMPORTANT. A WELL WORDED MESSAGES MAKES IT EVEN MORE POWERFUL. BEAUTIFYING IT WITH GOOD STATIONARY IS A NICE TOUCH”

Beyond the superficial, this self-described “workbook journal” is very helpful, especially for younger readers who have either never been educated about the importance of saying thank you, or don’t care.

Burgmann highlights the note as an important networking tool. He recalls a visit to the office of someone he wrote a thank you note to and says the client framed his handwritten note and had it on the wall of her office.

It was that impactful. And it’s easy to understand why.

Beyond the emotional appeal which Jay focuses on, expressing gratitude is one of the great strategies in the New Age law of attraction. What you think and speak about, so the teachers say, you bring about- perhaps in ways and means you never could imagine.

Burgmann, with this short book, joins the ranks of these educators and gurus. Saying thank you is important. Knowing how to write it is important.

Highly recommended for everyone. Don’t be put off by the format, focus on his message.

Lauren Berger the ‘Intern Queen’ shares how to write an excellent Thank You note. You can find internships and read her blog at http://Internqueen.com

And thanks for reading!

Random House Word Menu: New and Essential Companion to the Dictionary by Stephen Glazier

Random House Word Menu is a useful reference tool for anyone looking to be precise in her writing or conversation.

The book is divided into subject areas like ‘the sciences,’ ‘social order,’ ‘cognition,’ and much more. After each word, a brief description is given.

In some ways, Random House Word Menu feels quite similar to the ubiquitous Dewey Decimal system used by librarians.

With this book in hand, I could see researchers being able to find specific volumes more easily because the search terms are at his fingertips. He would then be able to give that information to a librarian, or utilize it himself if he knows the library system, in order to find exactly what he needs.

However, I tried to look up the word, ‘librarian,’ in the Word Menu and it wasn’t there! Oversight or purposeful act- you tell me.

I suppose author Stephen Glazier wouldn’t want to give too many tools to those book dragons. Who knows what they would do next…

Highly recommended for reference purposes. The only thing that would make this better would be if the book was digital and could be updated with minimal time, effort and resources. Until then, the physical tome will have to suffice.

Thanks for reading!

The Creator’s Code: The Six Essential Skills of Extraordinary Entrepreneurs

For The Creator’s Code, Amy Wilkinson interviewed over 200 wildly successful entrepreneurs and narrowed down the skills that they used to create their businesses to an “essential” six.

These essentials are the keys to the “creator’s code,” she writes.

My favorite chapter from The Creator’s Code is Chapter 5: Network Minds- Solve Problems Collectively. We’ve recently instituted some collaborative projects where I work and I’m excited to see this creative skill in action.

Also, I enjoyed the portion of the book where Wilkerson explored businesses trying to integrate computer games into the work day in order to encourage co-workers to help each other as well as to instill a sense of play into the creation process.

I wish that my library management system could be tweaked to do something like that. Imagine how fun that would be! Playing computer games in order to boost productivity.

In some ways, this book reminded me of Napoleon Hill‘s Think and Grow Rich. He also interviewed hundreds of wealthy people to understand their mind set. However, unlike the New Age, positive thinking slant of Hill’s work, Wilkinson relies on scientific studies as well as real world results.

Of the two approaches, I personally favor Napoleon Hill’s, but readers of a more scientific mind-set might enjoy this book more.

While we’re on the subject of read-alikes, I also read [book:How to Fly a Horse: The Secret History of Creation, Invention, and Discovery|20342540] by Kevin Ashton and it shared some of the stories from The Creator’s Code.

It felt slightly repetitive because of this. Otherwise, I may have given The Creator’s Code five stars instead of four. It felt like I was covering the same material. Despite this bookish deja vu, The Creator’s Code is very well researched.

So, if you’ve already read the other book, don’t be hesitant to pick this one up too. It was just not ground-breaking reading for me- my reviewer’s bias, I suppose.

There are some differences between the two works: How to Fly a Horse focuses on the history of the creative process and uses that knowledge to encourage the average Joe to be creative today.

The Creator’s Code has distilled the essential nature of creation and lists guidelines that can be used for success in business, art, science, whatever.

Though both encourage creation, Wilkinson gives actionable steps to take at the individual level whereas Ashton focuses more on the big picture.

If you enjoyed The Creator’s Code, I highly recommend How to Fly a Horse by Kevin Ashton and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Both of these works share the themes of success in business through creativity exploration.

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: Non-Fiction

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

Eckhart Tolle’s “The Everyday and the Transcendent”: a Podcast Review

The Art of True Healing: The Unlimited Power of Prayer and Visualization by Israel Regardie, Marc Allen (Editor)

O’s Little Book of Happiness by O, The Oprah Magazine (Editor), Thelma Adams (Contributor)

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock

The Master Guide to Impactful Thank You Notes by Jay D. Burgmann

Random House Word Menu: New and Essential Companion to the Dictionary by Stephen Glazier

The Creator’s Code: The Six Essential Skills of Extraordinary Entrepreneurs

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