Rust: A Memoir of Steel and Grit by Eliese Colette Goldbach

Eliese Goldbach pulls back the curtain to reveal the unseen struggles and contributions to society by steelworkers in Cleveland, Ohio, her hometown. Along the way, she delves into complex issues of mental health, politics, socioeconomic status, gender equality, and religion in her own life. It is, ultimately, a memoir about hope, but there was great suffering on Goldbach’s path to this realization.

When Goldbach was young, she viewed the stink of the steel mills as a type of pollution she needed to keep out of her body. But, when her plans to become a nun don’t materialize and she faces hurdles to completing the paperwork for her masters degree, Goldbach applies at the steel mill for the paycheck, accepting it as a step backwards in order to move forward into self sufficiency.

“In a Rust Belt town, that flame isn’t just a harbinger of weird smells and pollution. It isn’t an anachronism, and it doesn’t prove a lack of innovation. … The flame is very much a part of our history and our identity. It’s a steady reminder that some things can stand the test of time, even in a world where nothing is built to last.”

A large part of Goldbach’s failure to thrive is caused by her mental health struggles. It affects her ability to hold down a full time job, maintain her relationships, and makes her dread the future. Yes, she might be doing well now, she tells herself, but in another couple of weeks that might not be true any longer.

“Doctors would tell me that mixed-state bipolar disorder is one of the most dangerous forms of the disease. Depression brings suicidal thoughts, and mania adds impulsivity. When people with mixed-state bipolar disorder have the will for death, they are more likely to have the energy to follow through.”

Raised in a conservative and religious household, Goldbach is trained from an early age to see feminism as a dirty word. Through her own life experience, she discovers that some of her assumptions about feminism are untrue and begins to speak up for those who are unable or unwilling to speak for themselves.

“While there were other women who worked in the mill, we were definitely a minority. … There was a good deal of mansplaining, and there were offhanded comments that came straight out of the 1950s.”

Goldbach’s memoir shines in its examination and dissection of her personal beliefs and how those change through experience. It feeds into my own belief that only the person living a life has the true insight into its meaning and direction.

“I’m just disappointed in myself, I guess. I feel like I should have done more by now, and I’m worried that I’ll get stuck in the mill.”

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Some readers may find Goldbach’s politics off-putting. But I think the difficult conversations she describes at the dinner table with her parents are going on at other dinner tables all across the country. An open dialogue and willingness to look at our differences can be painful, but that doesn’t mean we should never have those conversations.

Recommended for readers who enjoy memoirs and as a possible book club pick. Trigger warnings for mental health issues, especially those with bipolar disorder, and rape.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy of this book. The brief quotations cited in this review may change or be omitted in the final print version.

For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World by Sasha Sagan

My parents taught me that the universe is enormous and we humans are tiny beings who get to live on an out-of-the-way planet for the blink of an eye. And they taught me that, as they once wrote, “for small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.” pg 12, ebook.

Sasha Sagan, the daughter of celebrated scientist Carl Sagan, was raised to believe only what could be proven. Her father told her: “It’s dangerous to believe things just because you want them to be true.” pg 11, ebook.

But they also instilled a sense of wonder in Sasha about existence and humanity’s place in it. For Small Creatures Such as We is an examination of religious and secular celebrations and rituals from around the world. I learned a great deal about the similarities of humanity’s need to celebrate and recognize the seasons, rites of passage, and other universal milestones in life.

I wouldn’t describe myself as religious, rather I’m very spiritual. In my opinion, Sagan’s book could appeal to even those who may describe themselves as religious. She has a welcoming voice for every kind of reader.

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“If you are devoutly religious, firstly, I’m delighted you’re reading this. Thank you. … This book is not intended to dissuade you, only to increase what there is to be joyful about.” pg 14

I think she succeeds in drawing a clear picture of what rituals mean to humanity. And that brought me so much hope for the future.

Some live lives of little meaning and less depth because there is no framework in place to support the creation of personal rituals outside of certain groups who may not share your vision of reality.

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This book could be helpful for spiritual people who want to use rituals to instill a sense of wonder into their daily existence.

It is also fascinating to learn about so many different cultures from around the world. Highly recommended.

Fresh Off the Boat: A Memoir by Eddie Huang

Fresh Off the Boat is the life story of Eddie Huang.

After learning about his various exploits, some of which were extremely dangerous, I was amazed that he’s still around to recount them.

I picked up this memoir because I’ve seen almost every episode of the network family comedy, “Fresh Off the Boat,” and wanted to read the source material behind it.

As sweet as the show is, I think it does Huang a disservice.

I guess because it’s on network television, writers have essentially edited Huang’s life story. In the television show, the character of Eddie loves rap music, basketball and eating, (like he did in real life) but it leaves out the more real portions of Huang’s history.

His classmates called him racial slurs on an almost daily basis. He was subjected to physical abuse from his parents. He got mixed up in drugs and selling name brand shoes. He was arrested for fighting.

The reason why his grandmother is in a wheelchair, which is depicted on the show though the reason is never given, is because her feet were bound as a child.

All of that realness is completely missing from the television show. But it is so important to creating the man Huang is today.

The differences between the book and the tv series aside, Huang has a fascinating voice. He’s, at turns, funny and real. He explains his more obscure slang references at the end of each chapter in footnotes.

“I think my mom is manic, but Chinese people don’t believe in psychologists. We just drink more tea when things go bad.” pg 12, ebook

The window Huang opens into his culture is an enlightening one. He’s the first generation of his family to be born in the United States, but he doesn’t ever really embrace being American. He exists in a realm in between because he is never truly accepted by his European peers.

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels.com

“Since kindergarten my parents had been sending me to Christian schools, where the teachers would feed me soap and made me use my right hand even though I’m a lefty, because we supposedly got a better education at parochial schools even if we weren’t actually Christians.” pg 26, ebook

In an effort to get along better with his teachers, Huang even acts as if he embraces Christianity when in reality he was just trying to survive. I felt sad that he had to pretend to be something other than who he was to make his way in the world.

“They’ll never let someone with a face like you on television.” To this day, I wake up at times, look in the mirror, and just stare, obsessed with the idea that the person I am in my head is something entirely different than what everyone else sees. pg 41

I highly recommend this memoir for readers who want to learn about another person’s life experience. Huang has penned an engrossing memoir about someone who took some unexpected turns on the way to his destiny — creating a wildly popular eatery in New York City. I enjoyed every story and learned so much.

My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper

Ellie Kemper, the hilarious actress from the Netflix show “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” shares a few essays highlighting moments from her life. I laughed out loud a few times, both in amusement and embarrassment for Kemper. She’s not afraid to make fun of herself.

The best part of the memoir is, as I read it, I could hear each word being read in Kemper’s distinctive voice. She definitely has a style of expressing herself that stays true for the whole book.

“As a reasonably talented person who is also part fraud, I cannot praise highly enough the virtues of enthusiasm and tenacity as substitutes for finely honed skills or intensive training. And in this book, Reader, I will tell you about the numerous times that I have made up in pluck what I have lacked in natural ability.” pg 4

Unlike other readers, I didn’t fault this book for its mundane subject matter. I think, no matter our age or experience, people have valid things to say. Maybe it didn’t make for a gripping read, but I was able to relate to many of Kemper’s childhood experiences.

I too grew up near St. Louis, Missouri. I also went on an elementary school age field trip to Hannibal, Missouri, to learn about Mark Twain.

I also get scatter-brained when meeting authors I admire, like this moment between Kemper and Doris Kearns Goodwin:

“Doris Kearns Goodwin smiled brightly, and I leaned in, enthusiastically, to hug her. Unfortunately, she had begun to turn away by then, and — arms still outstretched — I lost my balance, stumbling forward and accidentally pushing the legendary biographer to the ground.” pg 24-25

My experience: It was near Thanksgiving in 2005. George R.R. Martin was coming to Denver to do a book signing at the Tattered Cover because he had recently published A Feast for Crows. (And I’m still super pissed that he didn’t finish writing his series before the television show ended, but that’s neither here nor there.)

But this was long before the television show. The only people showing up for a signed copy of Martin’s new book were the nerdy bookworms like me and my then-boyfriend now-husband, Lance, who I dragged along because I didn’t want to drive downtown by myself.

We arrived late and had to sit at the back. But that was cool, because I was there! We got to listen to him chat about his vision for the series and then a couple people from the audience asked him questions. Someone asked who his favorite character was, and he said, Tyrion, which hit me as a total surprise. But I guess if I had thought about it and the extraordinary luck Tyrion enjoys in a world where every other person gets slaughtered in ever more inventive and disgusting ways, I could have guessed.

Then, we all queued up to have our new book signed! Because of my position in the nook-area, I was the second-to-last in line. I was hopping up and down in excitement for almost an hour as everyone filed past the bespectacled and hat-sporting author. We finally got to the front, I handed my book to his assistant, who pushed it in front of him.

“Hi!” I exclaimed and then just stood there, grinning like Hodor and equally as eloquent. Martin turns to Lance and says, “What’s her name?”, which Lance gamely told him and then gave him the correct spelling. Meanwhile, I’m talking a blue-streak in my head.

“Say something,” I told myself. “Now’s your chance.” And nothing came out. “This man has provided you with hours of entertainment and you’ve got nothing!” My book was signed. He handed it to me. We were walking away from the table… and I frantically turned back and blurted out, “Happy Thanksgiving!”

George R.R. Martin smiled and said, “Happy Thanksgiving to you too.” And that was that.

Here’s to people like Ellie Kemper, who lose their minds when they meet rock-star authors, get stuck in Japanese temples, and amuse themselves perhaps more than they entertain others. It may not make for the most exciting book, but it’s real and that matters. Recommended for readers who are a fan of Kemper’s work and enjoy humorous memoirs.

Thanks for reading!

Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence by Ross Mathews

Ross Mathews is perhaps best known for how he got started in the entertainment business — as “Ross the Intern” on “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. If you’ve never seen any of his segments, I think you can catch some of them on YouTube. I think they’re worth a few minutes of your time as I found him funny.

This book is a little slice of Mathews’ personality. Nothing deep or earth-shattering, but bit after bit of light and amusing self deprecation.

Sometimes after reading a bunch of serious books, I need a bit of fluff. I’d venture to say that there are very few books as fluffy as this one. 🙂 It’s one silly thing after another and could be just what you need to make you smile.

Mathews skates across deeper issues a couple of times. For example, he mentions that he lost his father at a young age but he doesn’t go into depth about his feelings of loss. Instead, he talks about overdosing on THC while his father was dying in the hospital.

Though there are no great introspective moments in Man Up!, it could be perfect for reading next to a pool, on a plane, or while you’re sitting in a doctor’s office.

Between the laughs, he does have a good message about self acceptance and living your dreams. It’s not a subtle delivery, but that’s not who Mathews is. And, I think he’s just fine with that.

If you enjoyed this book, you might want to try Sleepwalk With Me and Other Painfully True Stories or It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays, and 50 Boxes of Wine.

Thanks for reading!

Sounds Like Titanic by Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman

Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman is a violinist and Eastern Studies major who is struggling to pay her way through Columbia gets a job that seems to be more than she ever hoped for. She is going to be playing professionally for audiences across the U.S. It turns out to be fake — the music is played through speakers, never live.

“While this is a memoir about being a fake, this is not a fake memoir. This is a memoir in earnest, written by a person striving to get at the truth of things that happened in her past.” From the introduction.

Jessica Hindman grew up in Appalachia among some of the most impoverished residents in the country. It’s interesting though, the gripping poverty seemed normal to her until she considered it later, through more mature eyes. Children are so flexible. Almost anything can be made to seem “normal”.

“And as you listen to the other kids talk about their life goals, you realize something else: You are someone whose upbringing was upper class enough to make you believe you could make music for a living, but lower class enough to provide no knowledge of how to do it.” pg 10

After some serious struggles through puberty with her body and self image, Jessica ends up following her boyfriend to Columbia University, where they almost immediately break up. But her troubles to pay the astronomical tuition bills are just beginning.

“The Composer,” the man behind the music and the tours Jessica eventually goes on, seems to know very little about music himself.

“And then, The Composer asks me a question that — had it come from any other musician, let alone a Billboard-topping classical composer who has performed with the New York Philharmonic — I would have taken as a joke. … “I like this music,” he says of the opening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. “What is it?” pg 20

Despite any concerns she may have, Jessica perseveres in the job anyway, because her tuition requirements leave her little choice. It nearly ruins her mind and body before she finds a way out of her predicament. Along the way, you can’t help but hope for her to succeed.

“After several more customers mention ‘Titanic,’ you begin to realize that most of The Composer’s compositions sound very ‘Titanic-esque’. And you notice that the more the songs sound like ‘Titanic,’ the more customers want to buy them.” pg 47

I enjoyed this memoir so much not just because of Jessica’s life, which is fascinating, but also because we have so many things in common. I am the same age she is, lived through the events of 9/11 in a collegiate setting (as she did), started out as a music major but changed to something else, and the similarities go on. I’ve also experienced crushing anxiety with the same physical symptoms she describes. It was eerie, really.

“A million times more than any other emotion or experience, fear has the strength and ability to mangle her into something different from what she truly is, something phony and fake and cowardly. And now, surprised and twisted and disoriented and broken as she is by fear’s sudden arrival, she realizes that she needs to fight it, fight for her life.” pg 223

But you don’t need to be anything like Jessica to appreciate what it means to be made to feel like an impostor in your own life. To know that you can be doing better, but you’re just inching along. To dream big but live small.

Recommended for readers who enjoy memoirs about a life filled with difficulties, but also hope. If you have a background in music, you may like this book even more, but it’s not required to understand it.

Thanks for reading!

This Is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today by Chrissy Metz

Chrissy Metz relates her abusive and underprivileged childhood and how hard work and perseverance made her into the inspirational figure and television superstar she is today.

“Honeybees are meaningful to me because technically they’re not supposed to be able to fly. We know they do, but in the 1930s French scientists ‘proved’ they couldn’t. Their reasoning was that it was aerodynamically impossible because honeybees’ wings are too small to support the weight of their bodies. … I get that. I’m not supposed to be able to fly either.” pg 6, ebook

Chrissy’s parents divorced when she was young and her mother worked multiple jobs to support her children. They lived in a trailer park for a time in Florida.

“I know now that when families are in crisis, kids blame themselves, and kids also take on adult burdens. Which is why it is important that I say something else: Arredondo Farms is still there and I won’t say a single bad thing about it. People look down on people who grow up in trailer parks.” pg 25

Things became a bit easier when her mother married Chrissy’s stepfather (she calls him ‘Trigger’), but then he began systematically abusing Chrissy.

“I don’t remember why Trigger hit me the first time. I know he thought I’d had it coming for a while. I bet I was too loud putting away the dishes. Or I didn’t put his Coca-Cola in the fridge and he wanted a cold Coke. That would usually do it.” pg 28, ebook

Somehow, she survives to not only succeed in the business of her dreams, but to thrive. It wasn’t easy. She honestly documents her struggles, both mentally and physically. She continues to have relationship troubles. But Chrissy never lets it dim her optimism that things can get better and that she can improve, no matter where she finds herself.

Throughout the memoir, she gives tips and life advice that she calls “Bee Mindful” lessons — referring back to her metaphor of how the honeybee can fly even though it seems aerodynamically impossible.

“So many people, including myself, talk at each other but don’t listen. To ourselves or to other people. Believe in actively listening to yourself. Take time to have a conversation with yourself every now and again. … So often we’re on autopilot and we slip into addictive behaviors to avoid listening to ourselves. We eat, or drink, or, yes, check our phones — anything to avoid hearing what we truly need to say.” pg 57, ebook

The astonishing part of this memoir, to me, is simply how often Chrissy is judged and found wanting because of her appearance. How long are we, as a society, going to accept the objectification of women’s bodies and believe that it’s ok? I thought we addressed that issue in the last century, but, from the way this beautiful and strong woman has been treated her entire life, it is obvious that we haven’t gotten very far.

I found Chrissy Metz to be inspiring before I read her memoir. Now, I feel like she’s a literal hero for anyone who simply wants to live life as they are and not accept anyone else’s standards for what beautiful, strong and successful is. And she manages to be kind and humble while doing it.

Highly recommended for any readers who like inspiring memoirs — this one gets all the stars.

Thanks for reading!

You’re Married to Her? by Ira Wood

A surprising and amusing collection of essays by Ira Wood about his childhood, early relationships and, eventual marriage, to author Marge Piercy.

“Readers seeking insight into the creativity of a prolific American artist had best look at my wife’s own memoir, for these are my stories, those of the very lucky young man she chose not merely to put up with but to love, and for slim rewards except being fiercely loved in return.” pg 10, ebook.

These are not tame remembrances. Wood is cheerfully self-deprecating as he relates heavy drug use, promiscuous sexual behavior, and smashing disappointments as both an author and a publisher. He remembers the cut-throat politics during his time on the board of a small New England town. He talks gardening, sex at other people’s houses, and how he ruined one of his girlfriend’s big nights out.

Each essay, as outrageous as it may be, ties itself up in a surprisingly tender conclusion. Usually.

“The motivation that would always drive me in the face of overwhelming odds, the internal fire that no amount of personal failure, or success, would put out; as powerful as the force of life itself, my father’s everlasting gift to me: the burning envy of other people’s lives.” pg 26, ebook.

I loved Wood’s humor. I loved his insights. Really, I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I found it in my library’s digital lending library and the cover drew my eye.

He reads a lot like David Sedaris but with more sex. I mean, he talks about sex more than the Sedaris books that I have read so far. Small disclaimer: I haven’t read them all.

“One night I left Boston so blindly drunk that I arrived in Wellfleet with a sandwich in my lap that I had neglected to eat and could not remember buying.” pg 38

Highly recommended for readers who like humorous non-fiction and aren’t put off by some scandalous situations.

Thanks for reading!

High Magick: A Guide to the Spiritual Practices That Saved My Life on Death Row by Damien Echols

“Magick was out there in the world, and I could learn and practice it! That realization was like a bomb going off inside me. From that moment on, I pursued magick as if my life depended on it (and, in fact, later it did).” pg 11, ebook.

Damien Echols has penned a part-memoir/part-magic primer and, I believe, established himself as a new major voice in the Western Golden Dawn tradition. Many are familiar with Echols’ life. He was sentenced to die for a crime he didn’t commit. In High Magick, Echols shares the meditations and practices he used to keep his sanity and advance his spiritual development while behind bars.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

It is a powerful book, not just because it is written in simple language and easy to understand, but because Echols is living proof that these techniques worked for him.

“Magick was the only thing in prison that gave my life purpose and kept me sane. Magick was the only thing I had to protect myself with. And that’s what this book is about — the practices that kept me alive for nearly two decades on death row.” pg 12

He shares some of the most basic practices like the Middle Pillar and Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram and, beyond the simple instructions of it, he gives the theory behind them. That’s helpful. Most of these kinds of books I’ve read don’t bother to go into the why’s. They’re too obsessed with the “how”.

“Every person on this earth is born with an entire universe of potential in them. Most people never cultivate the seeds of that potential, so the seeds go to waste and the people go through life wondering what went wrong, or blaming the world for everything that did go wrong. Magick waters those seeds to make that potential stir, grow, and flower.” pg 16, ebook.

Echols avoids most “loaded” terms with an eye on appealing to every manner of reader. For example, he uses the term “energy” to describe the force behind the rituals he’s describing. I’ve heard it called many things and that particular word is a good one, I think.

He makes no unfounded promises. He simply offers a way to experience something that worked for him.

“Magick is both an art and a science. Some techniques are known for providing specific effects, but results vary, as they say.” pg 21, ebook.

An interesting side story: One of the librarians at my local library said “these types of books” (spiritual, nature-based, or “magic”) have been in high demand lately. She said there’s something of a renaissance going on in those who come to the library. They’re looking for something. It’s unique to each person, but she said libraries are purchasing more and more of this type of book in an effort to fill that need.

“My grandfather used to say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” I think most of you are familiar with the phrase, or at least an axiom with a similar message. It’s a curious way to remind ourselves that there’s more than one path to a particular destination…” pg 112, ebook

If you’re a reader looking for “this type of book”, I hope you find the right fit for you. Echols’ book should appeal to those looking for an introduction to the western occult tradition or simply the curious.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: Memoir

Rust: A Memoir of Steel and Grit by Eliese Colette Goldbach

For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World by Sasha Sagan

Fresh Off the Boat: A Memoir by Eddie Huang

My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper

Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence by Ross Mathews

Sounds Like Titanic by Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman

This Is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today by Chrissy Metz

You’re Married to Her? by Ira Wood

High Magick: A Guide to the Spiritual Practices That Saved My Life on Death Row by Damien Echols

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