I Hate Everyone, Except You by Clinton Kelly

I Hate Everyone, Except You entered my life at the perfect time. I listened to a David Sedaris book last week and was unimpressed with some of his more edgy material. Clinton Kelly has the snark and sass of Sedaris, but, in my opinion, more heart and empathy.

Let’s just say, if Sedaris’ book was a hard drug, the Kelly book equivalent would be “a little fresca on a panty shield” loc 1784, ebook. Perhaps uncensored, he’s more honest and vulgar than what his fans usually see, but he’s real.

I really enjoyed this one, but don’t go into it expecting Kelly to parade himself around as the fashionista from What Not to Wear the whole time. It is definitely not that.

Kelly’s dialogue (inner and outer) is hilarious. Take this moment, he’s psyched himself up and gone on an interview for an editorial position at a fashion mag and he’s asked to wait: “I’ll hang out here in the lobby,” I said. Yep, I’ll just sit in that plastic chair facing the door, watching my dreams rot like a bowl of fruit on time-lapse video. Thanks so much. Employees began to arrive, coffees in hand, and quite frankly, I had expected them to be better looking. … Sure, some of them were so skinny you could see through them, but they didn’t look happy about it. I had been expecting to work among anorexic women who radiated inner strength, not soul-crushing hunger. And what was with all the joyless denim? loc 375, ebook.

It makes me wonder what he would say if he saw my office crowd. Maybe I wouldn’t want to know.

Kelly isn’t religious but he seems to be spiritual in that he believes people should live authentically every moment for as long as they can.

Here’s what he has to say about it: “… the older I get…, the less Destiny and Fate-and their cousin, Faith, for that matter-concern me. For some, the opposite is true. Men and women on their deathbeds, old as the Appalachaians, wondering what it was “all about”. So foolish. I must admit, perhaps to the detriment of your esteem for me, that my sympathy for such wonderers is minimal. Imagine being given a life and not understanding until its ugly end that the point was to live it.” loc 494, ebook.

I can see how that attitude could offend some people, so, here’s your warning. He’s not anti-religion necessarily. He’s pro- figuring out what works for you.

How he found his way onto “What Not to Wear” was New Age in the extreme and I’m so glad he recorded it here for us.

He didn’t like his current job and wasn’t sure what to do, so he talked to his friend: “She suggested that I ask the Universe for guidance. I wasn’t quite sure how to do that until I read a couple of books by Caroline Myss, in which she explained that if you ask the Universe for help, it will provide help.” loc 512.

Not to spoil the story, but guess what he did? I’ve read a bunch of New Age stuff and, honestly, Caroline Myss is hard core, sometimes angry even, and unapologetic about it. If I was asked to recommend a Law of Attraction author to a complete new comer to the topic, I’d pick Abraham Hicks, but whatever works.

Kelly found what he needed when he needed it and he didn’t even know it was missing- the very essence of New Age teachings.

My favorite part of the whole book: “When What Not to Wear ended a few years ago, many reporters asked me about my favorite and least favorite makeovers and the worst fashion faux pas I had ever witnessed. But not a single one asked me what I had learned about women over ten years of listening to their concerns about their bodies and their clothes. … Women want to feel beautiful. I’ve never met one who said she didn’t, and believe me, I’ve asked around.” loc 602, ebook.

Yes! And why would women want to feel beautiful? Because they would think they were worthy of love then. So, at the end of the day, what does every woman, man, child on earth want? Love.

Kelly talks about his failed and successful relationships in an honest manner, never denying that his own foibles could be why things tanked:“What probably kept us together was Rick’s ability to produce a level of rage in me so profound it actually inspired out-of-body experiences.” loc 2097, ebook. Funny, no?

Highly recommended for people who liked, but didn’t love David Sedaris or readers who enjoy humorous/tell-all memoirs. Some similar books: I’m Just a Person, The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year, or Life of the Party: Stories of a Perpetual Man-Child.

Thank you to NetGalley and Gallery books for a free digital advance reader’s copy of this book. And, thank you for reading.

Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

David Sedaris is a unique American humorist. Sometimes I love his essays and other times I hate them, so ranking a collection of his work fairly is difficult.

I listened to the audiobook of Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls on my daily commute and he’s a wonderful narrator.

Actually, having read a handful of his other books, I’d recommend listening to him read his essays. His timing and inflections are perfection. He’s one of the few humorists who has literally made me laugh out loud.

The high points of this collection are Understanding Understanding Owls, Laugh Kookaburra, and A Guy Walks into a Bar Car. They’re unbelievably funny and have a lot of heart.

The low points were: Health-Care Freedoms and Why I want my Country Back, If I Ruled the World, and Dog Days. It’s as if he ran out of material and tacked the worst of it on the end.

Dog Days was awful and reminded me of Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary which I couldn’t stand. Vulgar prose just isn’t my thing, I guess.

Recommended for adult readers who are looking for a laugh and don’t mind some profanity and general silliness. More humorous books that I’ve enjoyed: Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, Dad Is Fat, and It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays, and 50 Boxes of Wine.

I’m Just a Person by Tig Notaro

Tig Notaro is a survivor. Her dry humor shines through these pages as she tells her life story: multiple brushes with death, romantic relationships, and snapshots of her childhood, parents, and thought processes.

She shows us that she’s “just a person”, yes, but also how extraordinary an ordinary person can be when presented with nearly insurmountable difficulties like dropping out of school at an early age, having a biological father who was never present and a stepfather who was never available emotionally, a mother who was so immature that Tig practically raised herself, not to mention all of the health problems that came later.

I picked up this book because I was enamored of Tig’s stand-up routines. This book has their flavor but far more detail than her act- if you’ve enjoyed her comedy, you’ll probably like this too.

I loved reading about how Tig found her calling and her people: “I began to refer to the comedy scene as “the land of misfit toys.” It was comforting to be surrounded by people who didn’t fit into the confines of society, and it was the first time in my life that I wasn’t met with the boring conversation stopper: “Oh my God, you’re so weird.” pg 47

This part cracked me up- Tig’s discovered lumps in her breasts but she doesn’t think they’re anything to be concerned about. Her girlfriend disagreed: “Instead of making a doctor’s appointment, I spent the next couple months teasing Brooke by removing my shirt and saying, “Hey, wanna touch my cancer?” It was really fun to walk past her holding my chest and blurting out, “Ow! My cancer!” pg 109-110.

I thought that the chapter in which Tig talks about her biological father, Pat, was particularly well-written. She takes complex emotional pain and makes it into something beautiful: “He was obviously still in pain over the loss of my mother and the news of my health, but I knew that this grief could not kindle any real kind of familial bond between us. I guess I believed there was something inherently broken in Pat’s relationship with me and my brother. Maybe we had all missed some ambiguous window of time when we could have salvaged some hope for a real connection. I am certain, however, that we have the same feelings: I want everything to be okay for him and he wants everything to be okay for me.” pg 205

That is Tig’s strength- her ability to take the worst in life and wring not just humor but meaning out of it. Some similar reads: Sleepwalk With Me and Other Painfully True Stories, Shrinkage: Manhood, Marriage, and the Tumor That Tried to Kill Me, or A Girl Named Zippy.

Thanks for reading!

Texts from Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg

Though the premise was clever, Texts from Jane Eyre reads a lot like text message conversations in real life- shallow and repetitive after the first few lines.

Also, there wasn’t a synopsis included in these pages, so if you hadn’t read a classic or, if you’d read it so long ago that you’d forgotten most of it, you were out of luck.

The best of the lot was the Samuel Taylor Coleridge chapter that starts on pg 43 in which he’s on a ramble about the golden palace of Kubla Khan and then a delivery guy comes to the door and ruins his flow.

The worst was the Harry Potter chapter in which Ron and Hermione have a ‘conversation’ but Ron is written as a complete moron and she is confounded by his idiocy. Very mediocre and unworthy of either of those characters.

If you feel the need to read this one, check it out from the library. A related read if you enjoyed it: When Parents Text: So Much Said…So Little Understood.

Thanks for reading!

Get Your Sht Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight

Knight is an acquired taste, but I generally enjoyed Get Your Sh*t Together. Her self help books are full of useful tips, profanity, and irreverent humor so don’t pick this title up if you’re easily offended.

If you know someone who seriously needs to get their you-know-what together, this could be the title you’ve been waiting for!

Knight keeps it real from the first page: “(This book) is more of a let-me-help-you-help-yourself-help book, with “me” here to “help” when your “self” gets in the way. Let’s face it- if you could help yourself, you’d have done it by now, right? Also, unlike many traditional self-help authors, I am going to use the word sh*t 332 times (including several sh*tmanteaus of my own invention), so please do not go on Amazon saying you were expecting sunshine and kittens and got sh*tstorms and sh*ttens.” loc 31, ebook. And so on, and so forth.

I’ve also enjoyed The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do and I felt as if Knight shared more of herself in this offering than that one.

We learn that she had/has anxiety attacks and had to pull her life together because it was falling apart. Not many self help authors display their humanity and imperfections like that and I really appreciated her honesty.

Plus, readers get to reap the benefits of her hard won wisdom and we know it works because she got her stuff together enough to write the book.

I really like Knight’s various life philosophies, which she sprinkles throughout.

Here’s one of my favorites: “In my book- and in the Game of Life- you’re competing exclusively against yourself. Not other players, not even the computer. … Winning is getting what you want out of your time on planet Earth, whatever that entails. It could be the house, job, car, partner, or hairstyle of your dreams.” loc 502, ebook.

Be the best you that you can be and forget about the rest. Good advice.

Knight also gives a ‘nod’ to Marie Kondo’s internationally best selling title and Knight’s thoughts about it may appeal to more readers than the original material: “At this point, we’re living in a post-tidying society. … People get their tidying groove on for a few months, or even just a few weeks, and then… kinda lose the thread. … Why is that? Well, I submit that if they had their sh*t together in the first place, the tidying bug would have stuck.” loc 2547, ebook. Sound familiar to anyone?

Among the many life issues that Knight tackles, her thoughts on perfectionism struck particularly close to home for me: “When you accept that failure is an option, you move it from the realm of anxiety-inducing anticipation into a reality that you’ll deal with when (and more importantly, IF) that ever happens. Your energy is better spent on accomplishing goals in the here and now than on worrying about failure in the abstract.” loc 3049, ebook.

Recommended for people who need self help but don’t like reading self help, probably 18+ because of the language.

Sarah Knight will give you some life changing tips and along the way, you may learn some unique new uses for the word: sh*t. Some further reading: The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do, The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy, and How to Be Dull: Standing Out Next to Genius.

Thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for a free ARC of this book! And, thank you for reading.

F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers by Richard Benson

Necessity is the mother of invention. When these students didn’t know the answers, they pulled out all the stops to come up with something- sometimes with hilarious results.

At other times though, I despaired for the future…

I think that F in Exams would be enjoyed the most by current or former educators.

I read some of these aloud to my husband who used to be a college professor and he laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes. Then, it led to a conversation about not knowing the answers on tests and making stuff up to fill in the blanks.

He admitted that he had done so once in a marketing class and the prof had given him points for his creativity.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever attempted joking my way into a better grade. This book makes me wish that I had, just once.

His favorite: Question: “What was Sir Francis Drake known for? Answer: Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.”

My favorite: Question: “Clair was well prepared for her interview. Explain how Claire may have prepared herself for the interview. Answer: Had a bath and put on her lucky pants.” There’s a lot to be said for a pair of lucky pants.

F in Exams would make excellent reading material for a doctor’s office or any other place where you need to spend a few moments relaxing (ahem, powder room?), in which case, you should buy your own copy. Otherwise, I’d recommend borrowing this short little book from your local library as I’m sure that I’m not going to feel the need to pick it up again.

Thanks for reading!

The Taco Cleanse: The Tortilla-Based Diet Proven to Change Your Life by Wes Allison

Deciding what to eat for dinner was becoming a drag, but luckily for me, the library has an enormous foodie section. I dug through the cookbook collection and discovered this gem- The Taco Cleanse.

Part satire, part traditional recipes, The Taco Cleanse makes you laugh while you prepare delicious, vegan eats.

From the copyright page: “This book contains the opinions and ideas of its authors, plus large quantities of total BS. Although the recipes are intended to be accurate and tasty, all other content is solely intended to be hilarious.” And it is.

This book isn’t just about the food: “Now, we want to be clear that supplementing- that is, drinking beverages that traditionally accompany tacos- is acceptable as long as you are getting all of your tacos in. Margaritas should be added on an as-needed basis for the top levels of the cleanse, but at Fuego (the highest cleanse level) you should be adding them at least a couple of times a week, working up to every day.” pg 4.

To your health. 🙂

My favorite part was the author’s insistence on Taco Journaling: “One of the most powerful things you can do in your taco journey is taco journaling. Writing down your thoughts during your Taco Cleanse now will be like having a time machine for your future. Future You can go back and see how you’ve changed over time, where you had taco successes and taco failures. … Every time you open your journal, you will feel peace in your heart.” pg 26.

They really nailed the self help tone that is prevalent in most “dietary” cookbooks. It is really very clever and worth the read, even if you’re not planning on trying the recipes.

Speaking of which, I personally plan on trying Minimalist Nacho Cheese pg 128, Infinite Fish Tacos pg 145, Smoked Brisket and Jalapeno Mac and Cheese Tacos pg 149, and the Frito Pie Tacos pg 152. Decadent.

Recommended for people who are experiencing a dinner idea slump or anybody looking for an excuse to drink a margarita (or two).

Thanks for reading and happy taco eating!

How to Be Dull: Standing Out Next to Genius by Basil Morley, Esq.

How to Be Dull: Standing Out Next to Genius is one of the funniest books I’ve read this year.

I read a lot of self help, self improvement, self actualization books and How to Be Dull shines a hilariously dark spotlight on the myriad benefits of staying just as you are. The humor is dry and the delivery is completely serious and matter-of-fact, rather like a Monty Python classroom sketch.

It is also surprisingly educational.

Do you know why we remember Chaucer’s name but so very few of his contemporaries? : “…Chaucer succeeded by adapting Italian masters, appropriating a wide range of old folk tales, mixing them with Greek myth, writing in the vernacular rather than hoity-toity Latin or snooty French, and adding a wide range of characters to represent the whole of modern 14th century life from the top to the bottom… He was a true original, though one must admit his originality was made of things familiar mixed up, changed, innovated and slapped together in wholly unexpected ways.” loc 68, ebook.

It’s so true! People don’t want new stuff- they want old stuff repackaged to look new. How dull is that. Chaucer knew what was up.

This whole dull thing is very appealing to introverts: “Be dull. Be boring. Make no splash. Make no waves. Put your head down and do the work you wish to do and present such a bland face to the world that they leave you in peace to get on with it. Do not make the mistake of seeing this as some kind of capitulation. You are not defeated if you are dull. You merely refuse, wisely, to spend your precious time convincing others of your originality.” loc 105.

Being left in peace to do what I want to do- now there’s a philosophy I can get behind.

If you were curious as to the enduring popularity of socialites who don’t seem to contribute in any meaningful way to society, Morley suggests that it is because of dull people just like you and me.

Imagine our importance! : “Be below notice. For you will find it easy to make your way unseen into important places, for the truth is the appeal of these ‘personalities’ is their true blandness. They are screens upon which we project our home movies of illusion. And they need dull people to make them sparkle.” loc 168, ebook.

I do enjoy an author who isn’t afraid to put in a good word for themselves: “How to explain this conundrum without falling into dullness myself and losing your attention? I do wish to teach you to be dull, but you must attend to my brief lesson long enough to say, ‘Yes I read that book and I rather liked it’ so you can recommend it on ReadGood or whatever those places are before you go back to sipping your own martini and forget all about my delicious tome.” loc 796, ebook.

Ah, self promotion, the height of dullness. Now, back to my martini…

Let’s end with Morley’s exhortation to be a “shining example” to those who try to stand out from the crowd: “It helps one to know that whilst one appears to be useless and idle, one can congratulate him or herself on being a shining example to those who would wish to be extraordinary. It is the normal thing, or should I say the usual thing.” loc 923, ebook.

Know anybody who forgets to laugh about the silliness that is the self improvement rat-race? I have just found the perfect Christmas present for them. You’re welcome. 🙂

Some more humorous books about popular culture: The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy or The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do. But, How to Be Dull is superior to either of those books because the author never wavers from his/her beautifully worded, high brow observations or resorts to vulgarity to make a point.

Thank you to NetGalley and Women’s League of Ale Drinkers Publishing for a free digital copy of this book. (What a great name for a publishing firm, by the way.) And, thank you for reading!

The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy by Jennifer McCartney

I laughed, but I’m not proud of myself. This satire for fans or non-fans of the book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondō, takes no prisoners in its scathing examination of the minimalist movement. As it clearly states in the intro, this is not a self help book. As a librarian, I’d add that it is under the Dewey Decimal classification 818s (humor) rather than the 130s (self help), so that claim would be true.

First, let’s make one thing clear, I’ve loved ‘de-cluttering’ various rooms in my house and finding those objects that ‘spark joy.’ But, I couldn’t help but laugh at the process of it through the lens Jennifer McCartney provides.

Here’s what she has to say about ‘life changing magic’: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your station in life or making changes to things you’re unhappy with. I guess. But be wary of neat slogans and books that promise life-changing magic. The only real magic in the world is from unicorns and the high you get from poppers. pg 19

I’ve never felt like a failure at the ‘tidying process’ but Jennifer’s book should appeal to those who do. Here’s her advice for how to ‘Be Free’: “Let go of caring, let go of guilt and feelings of failure. Breathe in good messy, breathe out boring tidy.” pg 28

In her book, Marie Kondo writes about thanking her small purse for its service at the end of every day. Jennifer has different ideas about the care and functionality of your handbag: “…you should always purchase the biggest purse you can carry. Here’s a good purse test: Can it fit a bottle of wine? No? Move on. Yes? Buy it.” pg 75

At times, Jennifer is downright dismissive of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing‘s teachings about every object having a “spirit” and she’s particularly vitriolic about the way Kondo rolls her socks. If that is going to bother you, you may want to skip this one.

A humorous read alike: The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do by Sarah Knight. Warning: contains approximately a billion f-words.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: humor

I Hate Everyone, Except You by Clinton Kelly

Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

I’m Just a Person by Tig Notaro

Texts from Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg

Get Your Sht Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do (A No Fcks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight

F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers by Richard Benson

How to Be Dull: Standing Out Next to Genius by Basil Morley, Esq.

The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy by Jennifer McCartney

Menu

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Share this Blog:

Menu