How to Slay a Dragon: A Fantasy Hero’s Guide to the Real Middle Ages by Cait Stevenson

How to Slay a Dragon is a humorous look at medieval history with a running, stand up-esque commentary by a nameless narrator.

“…this is still a book to guide heroes who are setting off to slay a dragon, steal the throne, and defeat a few hordes of supernaturally evil creatures along the way.” pg xv, capitulum infodumpium. (Not real Latin, but amusing all the same.)

Cait Stevenson divides the history into broad categories like: preparing for your quest, hazards along the way and winning the war. Then there are subcategories like: how to not marry the prince, how to win the bar fight, and how to outwit a genie.

My favorite was “How to Put Up with the Bard” because I tend to play that class of character in role-playing games. 🙂

“When William Porland recorded the names of fifty taverns in the fifteenth century, six of them were called the Swan. … There was no reason to distinguish an inn by a written-out name when literacy rates maxed out in the 30 to 40 percent range, which meant a 60 to 70 percent chance that the clientele couldn’t read… pg 27 How to Find the Inn

Cait uses actual events and historical figures to make the past come alive. I found the whole book very entertaining and I learned so much- a hallmark of a successful history book.

She even includes fantastical beliefs and superstitions like: “The most important thing to know is that medieval dragons usually kill with venom, not fire. They breathe thick clouds of deadly smoke in all directions at once.” pg 93

In the modern era, I think we dismiss historical figures as unapproachably different from us because technology wasn’t as developed as it is now. This book makes readers realize that there is very little difference between a historical figure and a modern one. People are people- with their flaws and strengths.

Photo by Dariusz Staniszewski on Pexels.com

Now, they just happen to walk around with iPhones.

“Snowball fights in fifteenth-century Germany were apparently so common that priests classified them as a sin. Or perhaps the real problem was that priests were getting smacked in the face with snowballs.” pg 117

Highly recommended for readers who love history and humor in one convenient package. This book might fit the bill for reluctant readers as well.

Thanks for reading!

Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches #4) by Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwax set about finding out what had been happening around the stones in her own distinctive way.” pg 46

Headology, humor and elves are the focus of Lords and Ladies, the fourth entry in The Witches series of Discworld books.

A ring of ancient stones sits in the mountains above Lancre. They were erected so many years ago that no one remembers why they were put up in the first place. No one, that is, except the witches.

Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat have returned from their long journey to install Magrat as a short-term fairy godmother and to free a distant city from the tyranny of stories- a far more dangerous trip than any of them realized it would be.

Upon their return, Verence, the recently crowned king of Lancre, announces his intention to wed Magrat. While the preparations are taking place, something dangerous and cold is pushing its way into Discworld through the stones upon the hill.

“You know,” she said. “The Fair Folk. The Gentry. The Shining Ones. The Star People. You know.” pg 53

Too bad the elves are nothing like what people remember in the fairy tales.

Terry Pratchett takes a completely different view of the elves than any other fantasy author I’ve ever read. Their beauty and glamor hides a viciousness that makes them terrifying rather than enchanting.

The three witches face the danger in their own unique way- a charming combination of psychology and common sense.

Unlike the last book where I felt that Magrat was disparaged and bullied, I feel like she comes into her own in Lords and Ladies.

“If you fought an elf and lost… then, if you were lucky, you would die.” pg 169

We get to learn more about Granny Weatherwax’s mysterious past as well as Nanny Ogg’s capacity to fascinate a certain amorous dwarf.

Overall, I think it is one of Pratchett’s best. At least, that’s what I believe so far. We’ve reached the end of the Discworld books that I read eight years ago, so perhaps there are some gems waiting in my future.

I’ll let you all know. 🙂

Highly recommended for fans of fantasy and British humor.

Thanks for reading!

Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches #3) by Terry Pratchett

When Magrat is designated as the next Fairy Godmother (a legacy from her mentor), Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg feel compelled to help her straighten out the troubles of her new fairy goddaughter.

“I don’t trust that wand,” said Granny. “I looks wizardly to me.” “Oh, come on,” said Magrat, “generations of fairy godmothers have used it.” pg 47

Unfortunately, the city where this young woman resides is quite far away. That means a roadtrip- something that some of the witches tolerate better than others.

Complicating matters is the fact that Fairy Godmothers always come in pairs, a good one and a bad one. We all know that Magrat is good so…

The other Godmother works her magic through the power of stories. She may have some unique ideas about what constitutes a happy ending.

“People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it’s the other way around. Stories exist independently of their players. If you know that, the knowledge is power.” pg 8

Terry Pratchett has crafted three unforgettable characters in the witches. Their traveling, as well as evil-fighting, hijinks are amusing, like in the previous entries in this series.

But let’s talk about Magrat for a minute.

“Magrat would be the first to admit that she had an open mind. It was as open as a field, as open as the sky. No mind could be more open without special surgical implements.” pg 28

Though he’s writing it humorously, the elder witches constantly bully Magrat not only for her youth but also for her progressive ideas about what witchcraft should be. In addition, her open-mindedness makes her a target for derision.

Despite her efforts to look mysterious through the use of various pieces of “occult” jewelry, Magrat is teased by other characters (and the narrator) for her funny hair and ridiculous appearance.

It makes me want to reach through the pages and say, just lay off her already, people. She’s trying to do the best she can with what she has, where she’s at. Can’t say the same for everyone else here.

“There’s nothing wrong with happy endings,” said Magrat hotly. “Listen, happy endings is fine if they turn out happy,” said Granny, glaring at the sky. “But you can’t make ’em for other people…” pg 103

The denigration of Magrat makes me view the other characters negatively. Because, even though Granny and Nanny are considered experts in witchcraft as well as wise (in their respective spheres), I don’t think they’re worthy of respect from others when they treat their young colleague like garbage.

I’m not sure why this dynamic between the witches is bothering me more on the second read-through than it did the first, which was eight or so years ago. But it does.

I still consider Witches Abroad an excellent read when I look past the treatment-of-Magrat issues. Highly recommended for readers who enjoy humorous fantasy.

Thanks for reading!

Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches #2) by Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, and Magrat are not witches who meddle in the affairs of a kingdom- there’s rules against that, after all. But then one stormy night, when they’re having a simple coven meeting, a desperate and pursued royal courier hands Granny a baby.

Now, some of the rules might have to be broken.

“The child gurgled in its sleep. Granny Weatherwax didn’t hold with looking at the future, but now she could feel the future looking at her. She didn’t like its expression at all.” pg 13

I first read Wyrd Sisters in April 2014 as part of a general read-through of the Discworld series (which I didn’t finish, but that is neither here nor there.) Now, I’m going back and reading the Witches series on its own which sits comfortably within the larger collection.

They’re quite good, of course.

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: “When shall we three meet again?” There was a pause. Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: “Well, I can do next Tuesday.” pg 1

The three witches, as well as the ancillary cast of humorous and villainous characters, are a delight to read and really make the story. Terry Pratchett’s tone goes deftly from playful to quite serious and back again as Granny Weatherwax practices her ‘headology’ or Magrat, the youngest witch of the three, accidentally finds romance.

“Extremely worrying developments of magical tendency are even now afoot,” she said loudly. pg 62

Something that I didn’t mention in the last review, but struck me again on the re-read, was the excellent development of the mad Duke and his evil Queen. These are not simple, two-dimensional villains. These are complex characters with neuroses and nightmares and nefarious histories.

The reason why I was so surprised by the ending of the story on the first read-through was the fate of the villains. Which they entirely deserve, I think, but was creative enough that I didn’t see it coming.

Highly recommended for readers who love light-hearted fantasy and humor.

First review: April 2014
This was a fun read. Pratchett takes the witch stereotype and bends it. We are reintroduced to Granny Weatherwax, the wise witch from Equal Rites. I liked her in that tale and I enjoyed seeing her again. Her character had time to be fleshed out even more and it’s a delight.

The ending to this novel really managed to surprise me. I was expecting a completely different ending but I loved Pratchett’s invention even more.

My favorite part of this story was Granny’s introduction to theater performance. The whole scene is incredibly funny but also integral to the plot so it wasn’t just tacked on like an after thought.

Overall, it’s an excellent fantasy. No one can write quite like Terry Pratchett.

Thanks for reading!

Equal Rites (Discworld, #3; Witches, #1) by Terry Pratchett

In Discworld, there are unwritten rules that govern magic. One of these is- guys are wizards and girls are witches. Wizards have staffs. Witches have pointy hats and work with nature.

When the eighth son of an eighth son has a daughter who is mistaken for a boy at her birth, a wizard leaving his legacy to someone who is destined to be incredibly powerful becomes somewhat of a problem. Untrained wizards are dangerous. But who is going to take responsibility for Esk, a girl who wants to be a wizard?

“They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.” pg 37, ebook

Granny Weatherwax, that’s who, the local witch and an all-around no-nonsense kind of person.

What follows is a rollicking adventure through Discworld but also an examination of assumptions from our ordinary world.

“Esk, of course, had not been trained, and it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you’re attempting can’t be done.” pg 61, ebook.

It is also a delightful skewering of gender roles and what society expects from each.

“Granny had counted the temples with a thoughtful look in her eyes; gods were always demanding that their followers acted other than according to their true natures, and the human fallout this caused made plenty of work for witches.” pg 76, ebook

Highly recommended for fantasy readers who enjoy heaping helpings of humor with their stories.

This was my second read-through for Equal Rites. I first enjoyed this book several years ago. And here is my review from the first go-round:
I was afraid that I wouldn’t like this, the third book in the Discworld series, as much as the previous books since it wasn’t starring Rincewind and Twoflower, but I shouldn’t have worried. Granny Weatherwax and Esk were excellent heroines and just as fun to read about as the boys.

Photo by Gantas Vaiu010diulu0117nas on Pexels.com

Pratchett’s Discworld is such a fantastic and surprising place, so different from structured reality, that it was really interesting to explore native prejudices and expectations among the inhabitants. Girls are witches and boys are wizards until Esk is born and turns those expectations on their head. Her struggles to find her place in the magical world and Granny’s attempts to teach her are slightly reminiscent of The Once and Future King, but with a feminine twist.

This is a fun read that fans of fantasy will certainly enjoy.

Thanks for reading!

Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin

Tales of the City is a snappy, humorous and heart-felt look at the intersecting lives of several people living in San Francisco in the 1970’s. As they struggle for love, money and happiness, they establish friendships and create a new kind of family- one of their choosing rather than one they were born into.

“Mary Ann Singleton was twenty-five years old when she saw San Francisco for the first time.” pg 9, ebook

One of the main characters is Mary Ann from Ohio. She came on a vacation to San Francisco and decided to stay because she loved the people and the general vibe.

But her mid-western upbringing didn’t prepare her for the work and dating scene of San Francisco.

His smile was approaching a leer. Mary Ann chose not to deal with it. “She’s a little strange, but I think she means well.” pg 47

On a hunt for the perfect apartment, Mary Ann meets Mrs. Madrigal, the unconventional and slightly mysterious owner of a large place on Barbary Lane.

Once the other residents of the apartment are introduced, the story really takes off. The breakneck pace is probably due to the fact that Tales of the City was originally written as a serial with cliffhanger endings each week to bring readers back to the publication.

It works incredibly well in a novel format. The chapters are short and punchy. Although most of the tension of the story is created through the dialogue rather than action, it is gripping stuff.

In some ways, this book is rather like life. Everybody is mixing together, trying to find their own way and lifestyle that feels right to them.

From day to day, it doesn’t seem like much happens. But taken altogether, it encompasses the growing pains accumulated through weeks, months and years of a lifetime.

“No wonder you’re miserable. You sit around on your butt all day expecting life to be one great Hallmark card. … You’ve got to make things work for you, Mary Ann.” pg 111

Recommended for readers who enjoy their fiction with a big helping of soul-searching and humor, delivered at the speed of life.

This book has been made into a show at least twice now. Both versions can be viewed on Netflix.

Thanks for reading!

My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper

Ellie Kemper, the hilarious actress from the Netflix show “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” shares a few essays highlighting moments from her life. I laughed out loud a few times, both in amusement and embarrassment for Kemper. She’s not afraid to make fun of herself.

The best part of the memoir is, as I read it, I could hear each word being read in Kemper’s distinctive voice. She definitely has a style of expressing herself that stays true for the whole book.

“As a reasonably talented person who is also part fraud, I cannot praise highly enough the virtues of enthusiasm and tenacity as substitutes for finely honed skills or intensive training. And in this book, Reader, I will tell you about the numerous times that I have made up in pluck what I have lacked in natural ability.” pg 4

Unlike other readers, I didn’t fault this book for its mundane subject matter. I think, no matter our age or experience, people have valid things to say. Maybe it didn’t make for a gripping read, but I was able to relate to many of Kemper’s childhood experiences.

I too grew up near St. Louis, Missouri. I also went on an elementary school age field trip to Hannibal, Missouri, to learn about Mark Twain.

I also get scatter-brained when meeting authors I admire, like this moment between Kemper and Doris Kearns Goodwin:

“Doris Kearns Goodwin smiled brightly, and I leaned in, enthusiastically, to hug her. Unfortunately, she had begun to turn away by then, and — arms still outstretched — I lost my balance, stumbling forward and accidentally pushing the legendary biographer to the ground.” pg 24-25

My experience: It was near Thanksgiving in 2005. George R.R. Martin was coming to Denver to do a book signing at the Tattered Cover because he had recently published A Feast for Crows. (And I’m still super pissed that he didn’t finish writing his series before the television show ended, but that’s neither here nor there.)

But this was long before the television show. The only people showing up for a signed copy of Martin’s new book were the nerdy bookworms like me and my then-boyfriend now-husband, Lance, who I dragged along because I didn’t want to drive downtown by myself.

We arrived late and had to sit at the back. But that was cool, because I was there! We got to listen to him chat about his vision for the series and then a couple people from the audience asked him questions. Someone asked who his favorite character was, and he said, Tyrion, which hit me as a total surprise. But I guess if I had thought about it and the extraordinary luck Tyrion enjoys in a world where every other person gets slaughtered in ever more inventive and disgusting ways, I could have guessed.

Then, we all queued up to have our new book signed! Because of my position in the nook-area, I was the second-to-last in line. I was hopping up and down in excitement for almost an hour as everyone filed past the bespectacled and hat-sporting author. We finally got to the front, I handed my book to his assistant, who pushed it in front of him.

“Hi!” I exclaimed and then just stood there, grinning like Hodor and equally as eloquent. Martin turns to Lance and says, “What’s her name?”, which Lance gamely told him and then gave him the correct spelling. Meanwhile, I’m talking a blue-streak in my head.

“Say something,” I told myself. “Now’s your chance.” And nothing came out. “This man has provided you with hours of entertainment and you’ve got nothing!” My book was signed. He handed it to me. We were walking away from the table… and I frantically turned back and blurted out, “Happy Thanksgiving!”

George R.R. Martin smiled and said, “Happy Thanksgiving to you too.” And that was that.

Here’s to people like Ellie Kemper, who lose their minds when they meet rock-star authors, get stuck in Japanese temples, and amuse themselves perhaps more than they entertain others. It may not make for the most exciting book, but it’s real and that matters. Recommended for readers who are a fan of Kemper’s work and enjoy humorous memoirs.

Thanks for reading!

Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence by Ross Mathews

Ross Mathews is perhaps best known for how he got started in the entertainment business — as “Ross the Intern” on “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. If you’ve never seen any of his segments, I think you can catch some of them on YouTube. I think they’re worth a few minutes of your time as I found him funny.

This book is a little slice of Mathews’ personality. Nothing deep or earth-shattering, but bit after bit of light and amusing self deprecation.

Sometimes after reading a bunch of serious books, I need a bit of fluff. I’d venture to say that there are very few books as fluffy as this one. 🙂 It’s one silly thing after another and could be just what you need to make you smile.

Mathews skates across deeper issues a couple of times. For example, he mentions that he lost his father at a young age but he doesn’t go into depth about his feelings of loss. Instead, he talks about overdosing on THC while his father was dying in the hospital.

Though there are no great introspective moments in Man Up!, it could be perfect for reading next to a pool, on a plane, or while you’re sitting in a doctor’s office.

Between the laughs, he does have a good message about self acceptance and living your dreams. It’s not a subtle delivery, but that’s not who Mathews is. And, I think he’s just fine with that.

If you enjoyed this book, you might want to try Sleepwalk With Me and Other Painfully True Stories or It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays, and 50 Boxes of Wine.

Thanks for reading!

Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets by Lisa Quinn

“Hello, my name is Lisa Quinn, and I am a recovering Martha Stewart junkie.” pg 7, ebook

Do you have a job, children, spouse, house, or none of those things and just want everything to look perfect all the time? Want to be the consummate host or hostess without working and stressing throughout the event? Are you wondering how they get it to look so perfect in the magazines?

Lisa Quinn, the author of this book, confesses to wanting it all. But she came to the realization that it is an impossible goal and she was losing her mind in the chase. This humorous self-help book is about embracing reality and understanding that it’s ok, really, to not be perfect.

“It’s my assertion that the real key to happiness is getting rid of your inner control freak, redefining what’s real and important in your life, and then lowering your standards for everything else.”

I think that’s solid advice. I, like many, used to demand more of myself than I could give in my housework, from my family, from everybody really. It made me a little bit crazy for a time. But then, I realized, it wasn’t worth it. The effort, the cost — both in time and emotions — and everything else, led to these moments that were forgettable once they were done.

I realized I would much rather dwell in the imperfect moment than forever be chasing the unattainable gem of a perfect moment. Because it never really comes, does it.

This book embraces the idea that no one is perfect. And it’s a lot kinder to realize that your life doesn’t have to look perfect to be incredibly enjoyable.

Quinn gives easy-to-follow tips on how to decorate, host parties, clean, cook and more. My favorite tip being to spray a good smelling cleaner near the door of your home before an event. You may not have hit every surface in the house but it will smell like you have. Genius really.

“House Keeping Myths Debunked… Myth #1: You must fold your fitted sheets. The real definition of insanity is folding a fitted sheet the same way over and over again and expecting it to result in anything other than a migraine and a huge turban. Quit stressing about it. Just wad it up the best you can, and shove it in the closet.pg 39, ebook

She keeps it real with the mega-popular topic of decluttering, pointing out that the easiest way to control the mess is to think about everything you bring into your home.

“Resist the temptation to buy little knickknacks, pillows, throws, and paintings just because you like them. That is not reason enough. Each item you bring into your home should be special. It should have a purpose and a specific place in your home.” pg 64, ebook

I also enjoyed her variations of recipes that can be done with a deli-cooked chicken. Talk about easy…

“Listen, if I’m able to convince just one other mom out there to take herself a little less seriously a little more often, then I’ve succeeded at what I set out to do.” pg 108, ebook

This book isn’t just for moms. It’s for everyone who needs to cut themselves some slack and just shove those dumb sheets in the closet. I won’t tell.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: humor

How to Slay a Dragon: A Fantasy Hero’s Guide to the Real Middle Ages by Cait Stevenson

Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches #4) by Terry Pratchett

Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches #3) by Terry Pratchett

Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches #2) by Terry Pratchett

Equal Rites (Discworld, #3; Witches, #1) by Terry Pratchett

Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin

My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper

Man Up!: Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence by Ross Mathews

Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets by Lisa Quinn

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