The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us by Sheril Kirshenbaum

What do we know about the “science” of kissing? Researcher and author Sheril Kirshenbaum shows we know surprisingly little in The Science of Kissing.

“Kissing is a type of universal language, best interpreted by those involved in the exchange.” pg 209

To start, I didn’t know that humankind wasn’t the only species to demonstrate “kissing” behavior.

“Moose and ground squirrels brush noses. Manatees nibble at their partners. Moles rub snouts and turtles tap heads. Porcupines nuzzle noses – one of the few regions of their bodies that lack quills.” pg 29

I also didn’t know, seems obvious in hindsight, that kissing wasn’t always a common behavior. It has spread throughout cultures and countries because of the way we’re interconnected with technology.

But that wasn’t always the case. Historians and anthropologists have recorded different attitudes towards kissing among various cultures for hundreds of years.

“… he noted that some Finnish tribes were not very interested in kissing, and observed that while the sexes would bathe together completely nude, a kiss on the lips was considered indecent.” pg 57

Kirshenbaum briefly covers a few different scientific studies into sexual behavior or kissing.

“In Alfred Kinsey’s 1948 report ‘Sexuality in the Human Male,’ for instance, kissing style was found to correlate with a person’s level of education. Seventy percent of well-educated men admitted to French kissing, while only 40 percent of those who dropped out of high school did.”

However, I felt that the majority of this book was written anecdotally because there are so few rigorous studies that have been conducted. In fact, one of the chapters of this book consists of suggestions of studies that could be done with some of the information that Kirshenbaum compiled.

… only one in seven women answered that she would consider sex with someone she had not first kissed. Conversely, the majority of men reported that they would not be deterred.” pg 92

Despite what I perceived as a lack of hard science in here, I found the book amusing. Recommended for readers who are looking to be entertained, rather than enlightened, about kissing.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong by Bill Douglas

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong is a useful reference guide that I’ve been using in conjunction with online courses to dip my toes into the practice of both.

The first part of the book is the history of the martial and meditative arts as well as best practices. The second part is the movements.

I liked that links to demonstrative videos are sprinkled throughout the text, somewhere over a hundred of them! It really helped the materials to come alive for me.

The way the author writes might be a little far out for readers who are looking for more scientific approaches to the practices. He touches on scientific studies that demonstrate health benefits, but doesn’t go too deeply into the science behind them. Readers who are looking for something like that may want to find a different book.

I’ve begun to incorporate both t’ai chi and qigong into my daily routine. It is a nice, restive break from the stressful day-to-day grind. As I move my body through the practices, my mind follows.

It is difficult to describe, but easy to experience if you attempt some of the movements yourself.

One of the most helpful online resources I discovered for qigong is “Qi Gong for Better Health and Wellness” by Lee Holden on Wondrium.

Highly recommended for readers at all levels of fitness. Namaste!

The Hollow Places by T. Kingfisher

Kara is going through a hard time and is grateful for a chance to help out at her Uncle Earl’s museum. She has always loved it there.

“Nobody ever believes me when I tell them my uncle Earl owns a museum. They start to come around when I explain that it’s a little tiny museum in a storefront in Hog Chapel, North Carolina, although there’s so much stuff jumbled together that it looks bigger than it is.”

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But when Kara and Simon, the barista next door, attempt to repair a hole in the wall of the museum, they discover a hallway that shouldn’t be there.

“Frankly, I wasn’t even sure what you were supposed to do when you had an impossible hallway in the walls. Did you call the police to report that the laws of time and space were getting broken?”

What lies beyond the hallway? Kara and Simon are going to find out, and their lives are never going to be the same.

First, I am not a big fan of the horror genre. But, The Hollow Places, is horror done the way I like it best.

There’s an unknown world with as-yet unknown dangers. The story is one of exploration and carefully-crafted reveals so you feel as if you’re on an adventure.

The characters are fantastic. Kara and Simon are people I would walk down a mysterious and magical hallway with, no question.

The author slowly builds the tension of the story so, for the most part, the main emotion the reader feels is a growing sense of dread. It’s an emotion a reader with an anxiety disorder (like me) is familiar with and there’s something very satisfying about having that feeling validated and then resolved.

I believe life rarely gives the same kind of closure.

The voice of the main character, Kara, is down-to-earth and, occasionally, quite funny. I liked how the author gave her all sorts of relatable, every-day type problems and then, once the story started rolling, she re-evaluated the importance of issues that would have caused her major headaches prior to her life-changing experience.

I could see myself doing the same sort of thing if I was in her shoes.

The Hollow Places contains some nightmare-inducing moments but nothing I considered gratuitously violent. There’s some mild sexual references in the banter between the two main characters. This book might work for older teens who are looking for a spooky October read.

Highly recommended for readers of horror or who like their fantasies to have some thrills and chills.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy of this book.

The Buddhist on Death Row by David Sheff

David Sheff examines the life and spiritual transformation of Jarvis Jay Masters, a man who has spent years on death row and in solitary confinement for a crime he says he didn’t commit.

“Even if Masters was innocent, I didn’t know what to think about the claims that he was, as his supporters described him, an enlightened Buddhist practitioner who had changed and saved lives.”

It is a powerful non-fiction account not only because Masters is honest and open about how he came to be where he is today, but because the spiritual lessons he has discovered throughout his experience are applicable for all of us. You don’t have to be sitting in a literal prison to feel like you’re locked in a cell and can’t get out.

The mind and heart can create suffering wherever in the world you are.

“Set in a place of unremitting violence, insanity, confusion, and rage, Masters’s story traverses the haunted caverns and tributaries of loneliness, despair, trauma, and other suffering- terrain we all know too well- and arrives at healing, meaning, and wisdom.”

I don’t think you need to be a practitioner of Buddhism to appreciate the wisdom in this book. Spiritual lessons like the knowledge that can be found in self awareness and how to obtain freedom from suffering can be helpful for all of us.

I enjoyed the book so much that I read it in only a few sittings.

The lama wrote that all people have been sentenced to death- in that way, Jarvis wasn’t unique. … “We all live in a prison, and we all hold the key,” Chagdud Tulku wrote.

Highly recommended for spiritual seekers of all types.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy of this book.

Hush (Hush, #1) by Dylan Farrow

In the world of Hush, ink, the suspected origin of a deadly plague, has been declared the enemy of humankind and outlawed. The keepers of the law, High House and its magical soldiers called bards, roam the world, rooting out those who break the law and rewarding those who bend to their will.

“Our history shows that vigilance and caution are tantamount to survival. Burn the ink from the page. Turn away from forbidden words, toxic tales, and deadly symbols. Cleanse the country of this malignant blight. Join us.”

Shae lost her brother to the mysterious plague early in her life and her family has been outcast from her small village since. When tragedy once again darkens her family’s doorstep, what will Shae do not only to seek justice for her brother but, potentially, the whole world?

The premise of Hush had some interesting ideas, but this debut, young adult novel suffers from wooden characters and predictable plot twists.

“The Bards arrive today.” The Bards. Suddenly I feel as though the house has been encased in ice. The town elders say there’s power in words- that certain phrases can change the world around you.”

Weakness in the character development aside, Shae is a strong protagonist who struggles to create her own reality which differs quite markedly from the reality that her small town has imagined for her. Teens might connect with her more strongly than I did, which is to say, not at all.

I’m not sure what it was. Maybe I’m suffering from YA dystopian reading burnout?

Instead of appreciating Shae for her flaws which include falling in love too quickly, trusting everybody and pushing all her friends away the moment she could really use their help, I found myself annoyed with her.

“I spent countless nights lying awake, staring at the austere wooden beams of the ceiling, trying to figure out if I was mad or cursed- or both.”

Be smarter, I thought. The odds are stacked against you, and you need to pay attention, not fall for the first stranger you meet who has a dreamy pair of eyes.

But as I said, I’m definitely not the intended audience for the book.

Here’s the author, Dylan Farrow, talking about Hush:

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advance reader copy. And thank you for reading!

A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians by H.G. Parry

In a world where magic is real and controlled by government authorities, H.G. Parry re-imagines true historical events and people, inviting readers to add an additional layer of conspiracy to movements that changed the course of history like the French Revolution or the slave rebellion in the Caribbean.

The premise didn’t work for me for a couple reasons.

I felt like this book minimized the atrocities that were committed during the era. The slave trade and the French Revolution’s cost in both human lives and suffering is immeasurable, and it felt somewhat flippant to take those events and say, “Well, magic,” as the main driving force behind the conflicts.

I felt the same could be said for the subtle twisting of the lives of historic figures.

“His quiet voice spoke of a country built on Enlightenment principles, whose people were virtuous, where magic was a free resource to be used for the betterment of all, where food was well distributed and plentiful, where courts were in the hands of the people and not the talons of the Aristocracy, where the poorest Commoner was free to vote and grow and be educated.” pg 155

Photo by Dominika Greguu0161ovu00e1 on Pexels.com

That is not to say that history or historic personages couldn’t or shouldn’t be in fantasy novels. It is a hallmark of the genre to take a reality, change the rules of that reality, and then tell the story with the new rules. Though if that was what the author was going for, perhaps she should have staged her story in another world or made the focus of the story characters she invented with the real people living their lives in the backgrounds.

Taking real events, real people and real world locations to drive the story didn’t coalesce into the fantasy novel I believe she was reaching for.

I think fantasy, alternative-historical fiction is something that can be done successfully, but I have yet to see its promise fulfilled. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I had the same issues with this story that I had with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

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Students of history may find themselves frustrated by A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians because of the way the true events are spun. I didn’t have any specialized knowledge of the era, but a friend who is somewhat of an expert told me the complexity of the time period is so dumbed down that he was distracted by it.

“It had seemed so simple after the fall of the Bastille. The National Assembly of Magicians had risen up, exactly as Robespierre had hoped. They had issued a proclamation declaring it the right of all citizens to be free to practice their own magic: a Declaration of the Rights of Magicians.” pg 179

Setting my concerns with fantasy clumsily applied to horrific real life events aside, my biggest issue with this book was the glacial pacing. Readers sit through meeting after meeting, and it’s incredibly dull. But with the time period we were in, it should have been gripping. I told myself that a big payoff for all of this story building was coming, as the book clocks in at over 500 pages, but I felt like it never materialized.

I don’t mind a long book. But please, tell the story.

Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t: Why That Is And What You Can Do About It by Steven Pressfield

Steven Pressfield shares the applicable lessons he’s learned from a lifetime of different writing jobs. The most important one is the title of this non-fiction, self help book.

“Sometimes young writers acquire the idea from their years in school that the world is waiting to read what they’ve written. They get this idea because their teachers had to read their essays or term papers or dissertations. In the real world, no one is waiting to read what you’ve written. pg 16, ebook

Along the way, Pressfield discovered the importance of writing for yourself rather than as a ghost writer, the necessity of structuring each piece whether it is a screen play or a novel, the enduring popularity of the hero’s journey and more.

He also addresses the inner demons that may prevent fledging writers from finishing what they begin, a topic that Pressfield also discusses at length in his other book, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

“I did not know that there existed inside my head an invisible, insidious, intractable, indefatigable force whose sole object was to keep me from doing my work, i.e., finishing the book I had been trying to write for seven years- and ultimately to destroy me, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. All I knew was that I couldn’t finish anything.” pg 49

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I found all of his advice helpful, and the manner in which Pressfield delivers it as both approachable and entertaining.

“The writer must know what genre he is working in and the conventions of that genre, just as the bridge builder must understand the science of foundational integrity and the means of mitigating stress on strung steel.” pg 66, ebook

He closes the book with a humorous anecdote about writing for a pornographic film. Even in that tale, Pressfield managed to teach me something about story construction and storytelling. I only mention it in case any potential reader finds such things offensive. Here’s your warning.

Highly recommended for writers at any level. Pressfield knows his stuff.

Mystical Places by Sarah Baxter, Amy Grimes

Throughout history, humankind has told each other stories. Sometimes these stories center on places that become sacred through their association to the legends that are told.

Sarah Baxter highlights 25 such locations from all over the world. Each brief chapter includes a short description of the site and the stories associated with it.

“In these pages we meet mythical kings, sacred summits, and enchanted architecture, plus a cast of elves, giants, ghosts, golems and sea creatures without which our planet might be a more logical and well-reasoned place but also less colourful and compelling.” pg 6, ebook.

I thoroughly enjoyed armchair traveling from Africa to Canada, China to Portugal, and more. This book gave me so many ideas for places I want to see when I feel comfortable boarding a plane again.

And, in the meantime, there’s always the possibility of travel-filled day dreams.

In the chapter about Cadair Idris in Wales, Baxter writes: “It’s said that on the very crown of the peak there is a long, wide platform of stone slabs that is the Bed of Idris and that whoever sleeps on that bed will suffer one of two fates: they will wake up either as the most profound poet or completely mad.” pg 18, ebook.

Worth the risk, right?

I was also taken with the descriptions of the Stone Circles of Senegambia, thousands of ancient stone monuments found in Senegal and The Gambia.

“Stories passed down the generations claim that the stones were put in place by the gods at the very dawn of time. Other legends suggest they are the gravestones of an ancient race of giants or chiefs and that a curse will fall on anyone who dares disturb them…” pg 76, ebook.

I had never heard anything about these circles, despite taking a class in ritual and religion in prehistory from Oxford. I am also fairly well-read in world mythologies yet there were surprises on almost every page.

Highly recommended for travelers, armchair or otherwise, who are seeking destinations of mystical significance or anyone who wants to learn about legends from around the world. The only trouble that may be encountered for the mystical tourist is the remoteness of some of the locations.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free advance reader copy of this book. The brief quotations I cited may change or be omitted entirely from the final version, which I believe is slated to be published tomorrow.

The Loop by Jeremy Robert Johnson

“It was so surprisingly calm that it took a few minutes before anyone in the room even noticed the way that Chris Carmichael was twitching at his desk.”

The first hint that something has gone wrong in Lucy Henderson’s town is a horrific event in her high school classroom. The violent-nature of the event triggers trauma from Lucy’s past, an emotional wound that goes so deeply into her psyche that she hasn’t begun to process it- let alone the damage it has left behind.

It doesn’t help that Lucy feels like an outcast and an outsider in her small hometown. Part of this is baggage from Lucy’s past, but the majority of it is the racism and tribalism she faces from the small-minded young adults in the community. They won’t let her forget she looks different from them and torment her with their racial hatred on a near-daily basis.

The only semblance of friendship in her life is with a young man who goes by the name of “Bucket,” for reasons that are explained in the story. (No spoilers.)

When all hell breaks loose in town, Lucy and Bucket only have each other and a few acquaintances to help in a race to save their families. The nightmare that they had been living solely in their minds becomes all too real.

“What the hell is going on in this town? Sometimes it feels like things are f*cked up in every direction, you know?”

The character and world-building of The Loop is well done in that I connected deeply with Lucy and Bucket before the story took off.

My lack of enjoyment of the book stems from the graphic nature of the violence against people and animals, both physical and mental. There are also brief instances of sexual abuse between underage teens as well as the discussions of porn with descriptions vague enough that young adults reading this book will immediately turn to Google to answer any questions they may have. There is bullying, unaddressed by the adults in the young peoples’ lives, as well as the trauma Lucy suffered at the hands of a system that should have protected her.

Which brings me to another discussion point, this is not a book for young adults. If it was television, it would carry a mature rating. The horror genre has a huge following and graphic violence is definitely a part of that. That being said, it is strange to me how cavalierly some treat depictions of absolutely horrific things.

I feel like society has become desensitized to violence in the media we mindlessly consume. Descriptions of fingers popping through eyeballs and knives cutting through flesh is delivered as a matter-of-course, part of what makes the story so scary.

I picked this title out of the myriad being published in the next months because it was compared to Stranger Things, a horror show, true, but one that leans on the psychological and paranormal scares far more than the physically violent ones. I watched that show with my young daughter. I would not let her read this book, at least until she’s 18.

I say that as a former librarian but also a mother.

All that being said, there are beautiful lines in the book that perfectly capture the agony of mental pain.

For example: “She imagined herself tilting her head back and opening her mouth to scream again, only this time her mouth kept opening and her jaw detached like a snake’s and she kept splitting until she was cleaved in two and all that came out of her was white flame.”

But I didn’t feel that the beauty of those fleeting moments made the time I spent reading the title worth it.

Recommended only for adult horror readers who can handle the triggers of violence and everything else described above.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital advance readers copy of this book. The brief quotations I cited may be changed or omitted in the final, printed version.

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: book blog

The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us by Sheril Kirshenbaum

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong by Bill Douglas

The Hollow Places by T. Kingfisher

The Buddhist on Death Row by David Sheff

Hush (Hush, #1) by Dylan Farrow

A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians by H.G. Parry

Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t: Why That Is And What You Can Do About It by Steven Pressfield

Mystical Places by Sarah Baxter, Amy Grimes

The Loop by Jeremy Robert Johnson

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