The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

Author Elaine Aron defines “highly sensitive persons” (HSPs) and gives a plethora of coping mechanisms as well as case studies to support the definition. She also includes tests so you can discover where you are in the HSP world.

“The trait was always there, of course, just called by other names. But its essential elements were not known, so it was described by external behaviors only, such as ‘shy’ or ‘introverted.'” pg 54, ebook

This was only the second book I’ve read about HSPs. Prior to this, I have heard HSPs being described as having sensory processing disorders, which exist on a spectrum like most everything else in the psychology universe, or simple shyness.

“My term for it is sensory processing sensitivity, but the same trait is also called environmental sensitivity or reactivity; biological sensitivity to context; differential susceptibility or vantage sensitivity; or identified by the names of certain genetic variations or as in animals, sometimes termed behavioral plasticity or flexibility.” pg 82, ebook

Despite my lack of background in the topic, there was very little new information in this book. A big take-away was to improve your communication style and keep in touch with the people in your life who love you. So many problems can be cleared up with clear, concise communication.

Also, attempt to address any troubles you may have from a dysfunctional childhood or relationships prior to embarking on a new relationship. Healer, heal thyself.

Another coping mechanism I use regularly, but didn’t realize I did, is handling over arousal. Whenever I find myself being overwhelmed by life, I find a backroom and take a minute or two to myself. Sometimes I just breathe. If I’m not at work, I pick up a book or get a hot drink.

“Anger is a highly stimulating emotion. HSPs are strongly affected by it, even when we just witness it. pg 77, ebook

Aron encourages readers to find their “optimal level of arousal” since it varies from person to person. Know yourself and your limits, and tell your loved ones. Also, give yourself permission to turn off your sensitivity. It may seem silly- but that never occurred to me.

“All HSPs, men or women, are more aware of what other people are feeling, what they want and need. Thanks to your spontaneous deep processing, you also can sense what will happen if others don’t receive what they need- they may suffer, fail at what they want to do, become angry with you, feel disappointed with you. And being more sensitive, when they feel bad, you will be bothered too… pg 56, ebook

I tried to treat everyone the same and it led to some serious problems in my personal as well as professional life.

One of the most helpful parts of this book was Aron’s invitation to reframe my past in light of my new self knowledge. Prior to learning about HSPs, I was barely functioning in a world that didn’t necessary make room for me. Now I know I’m not alone in this- and have more tools in my metaphorical belt to help me get through the day.

I’m not entirely convinced by the final section of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love that discusses HSPs being more spiritual or falling harder in love than non-HSPs. It’s a romantic sentiment perhaps, but I was unconvinced by the evidence. I think we’re all in this love game together.

Recommended for readers who are or have a loved one who is a highly sensitive person. I’m curious to know what others in the community think about this book. If you do have a chance to pick it up, please write a review and let me know. 🙂

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

“I have begun a Catalogue in which I intend to record the Position, Size and Subject of each Statue, and any other points of interest.” pg 6, ebook.

Piranesi is an explorer of a strange world in which water runs through the ruins of Grecian-esque temples filled with statues both beautiful and grotesque. He calls this place: the House.

“Outside the House there are only the Celestial Objects: Sun, Moon and Stars.” pg 6, ebook

He doesn’t remember how he got there or a life prior to entering the House. The reader gets to discover his forgotten past along with him in this mystery/fantasy novel.

His only point of contact with a living, breathing person is a man Piranesi has nicknamed, ‘the Other’. He meets with the Other about twice a week. Despite this lack of community, Piranesi manages to survive and soldier forward with his explorations.

Photo by George Shervashidze on Pexels.com

“Perhaps even people you like and admire immensely can make you see the World in ways you would rather not.” pg 227, ebook

In that way, Piranesi is somewhat like an ode to introverts- a whole world to explore by yourself. In other ways, it feels like a nod to a lost world of crowded museums and libraries.

The recent pandemic has twisted the ideas of community and togetherness- sometimes I feel like Piranesi as I wander through stacks of books that people aren’t perusing as much anymore. Or hosting library events where no one shows.

Author Susanna Clarke has put her finger on a sore spot in the zeitgeist and the result is a compulsively readable book.

I was also pleased to observe she wrote a slightly shorter novel. After the brick that is Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, I was expecting this to be another 1000 page tale. Clarke tells her story, and tells it well.

Recommended for readers who love portal fantasies or any reader who dreams about worlds beyond the day-to-day. Thanks for reading!

O’s Little Book of Happiness by O, The Oprah Magazine (Editor), Thelma Adams (Contributor)

This collection of essays from the pages of O are wonderful. Through memories and insights, the writers of each chapter have something uplifting and inspiring to share.

My favorite was the chapter entitled “My Unplanned Adventure” by Catherine Price, pgs 88-99. It’s about an uptight traveler who planned every aspect of her trips around the world until she came to the conclusion that she was overthinking it.

Once she figured this out, she walked up to a person, asked them where they would travel if they could go anywhere, and went there. I won’t ruin the essay by relating all of it here, but it resonated with me. I also have to remind myself that going with the flow is always more desirable than white-knuckling intricate plans and time tables.

I have to confess: I am not a reader of magazines. I find them to be filled to the brim with advertisements for things I neither want nor need and, after I’ve dug through the pages of stuff for sale, I find the writing to be insipid. “Six new sex positions!” “Keep your romance alive!” blah, blah, blah…

That being said, O’s Little Book of Happiness was totally different from my expectations of what a magazine is and introduced to me the idea of what a magazine could be. (And there were no advertisements!)

A couple of the essays felt too short- one page or one paragraph in some instances- but for the most part I enjoyed their length and the order they are arranged in.

There’s something very powerful in reading back-to-back essays about happiness and accounts of people finding their path in life. I read this through in almost one sitting but it could also be savored slowly like a-chapter-a-day devotional guide.

I enjoyed this very much. And I hope you will too.

If you like O’s Little Book of Happiness, I would also recommend Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill by Matthieu Ricard and Living Oprah: My One-Year Experiment to Live as TV’s Most Influential Guru Advises by Robyn Okrant.

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading.

Tree of Ages (Tree of Ages #1) by Sara C. Roethle

Tree of Ages is a fantasy novel about a tree who becomes a girl… or is it a girl who becomes a tree and then reverts back into a girl?

Finn is trying to figure out who she is and so is the rest of the world- which itself is on the verge of something big, something having to do with the magical creatures. Author Sara Roethle calls these creatures, ‘Faie,’ who disappeared years ago and now are reappearing all over the place.

The group’s trip into the fairy forest was my favorite part. That whole section had me flying through the pages, I just had to know what was going to happen next!

Sadly, this is only the first installment and I was left with so many questions: will Finn ever figure out who she is? Will Aed come to terms with his shadowy past? Will Iseult clear his family name?

Guess I’ll have to read the next novel to find out…

This book, the first in a series, reminded me of Katharine Kerr’s Deverry saga. We have an old, wizard type person in Aed (Nevyn in Deverry), who is trying to help a young female, Finn (Jill in Deverry), come into her powers. Then there’s the confused, tormented, perhaps love interest, Iseult (Rhodry in Deverry) and a whole cast of other characters who are along for the ride.

And, like Kerr’s creation, the world that Roethle has crafted is very large and unexpected with, sometimes terrifying, creatures.

I’d recommend Tree of Ages for anyone who loves high fantasy.

If you like this, I’d also suggest Katharine Kerr’s Deverry (start with Daggerspell) and Kage Baker’s The Company series (start with In the Garden of Iden).

Baker’s world is more of a steam punk/historical fiction/low fantasy type place, but I think that the relationships that she has knit together were quite like what Roethle has made in Tree of Ages.

Here’s a short book trailer for “Tree of Ages” by Sara C Roethle. Available on all digital platforms for only 99 cents: https://books2read.com/u/bw8XAe

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading.

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock is a behind the scenes glimpse into the “People Operations” of Google, the mammoth internet company.

Laszlo explains Google wasn’t always a global leader. It started out like every other company- with a couple of dedicated people and a big dream.

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After some background, Laszlo gives step-by-step ways to improve your own business, whatever that may be, from the inside-out while remaining true to the mission that led to the creation of your company in the first place.

It’s clear from this book that Google is an engineer-dominated workplace. Every decision from hiring to employee perks is tested and the numbers are crunched to justify the expense, time spent, etc.

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To be honest, psychology tests, graphs, and in-depth analysis isn’t really my thing. I enjoy a more artsy approach to the world and so the nitty-gritty of Laszlo’s work wasn’t that interesting to me.

In <i>Work Rules</i>, I was hoping for more insider stories than engineering problems, but that’s not how the book was written.

That’s not to say that there isn’t value to be had in this read. My take-away chapters were “It’s Not All Rainbows and Unicorns” and “What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow.”

In ‘It’s Not All Rainbows and Unicorns,’ Laszlo gives the reader moments in Google’s history when their policies didn’t really work and how they got through the crisis. It was heavy on dramatic stories and I enjoyed it quite a lot.

In ‘What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow,’ Laszlo boils down his previous chapters into ten steps for businesses to take right now. If you don’t have time to dig through the entire book, ‘What You Can Do Starting Tomorrow’ gives you a pretty thorough overview.

If you enjoyed <i>Work Rules!</i>, you may enjoy The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. Shawn explains, in an engaging manner, many of the principles that Google has adopted to improve their employees’ quality of life.

I received a free advanced reader’s copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thank you for reading.

Terms of Service: Social Media and the Price of Constant Connection by Jacob Silverman

Author Jacob Silverman digs deeply into various social media platforms and uncovers not only privacy violations but also underlying attitudes adopted by the platform owners that point towards a future that is completely controlled by digital government watchdogs and technological elites.

Terms of Service is a terrifying book to me in many ways.

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I knew some of the pitfalls of the big networks like Facebook, but I didn’t know all of them. This book changed the way that I view the portable devices that everyone carries around with them. Instead of helpful tools, I now see that they can be a chilling and impersonal form of control and surveillance, if we let them.

Terms of Service isn’t all doom and gloom though. Silverman gives the reader innovative ways to buck the bland, over-sharing majority and examples of creative hackers and programmers who are doing just that.

He also suggests some sweeping societal changes within the government like a twenty-first century Bill of Rights to address the troubles and privacy challenges of technology and a universal minimum wage to unlock the chains of digital serfdom.

It’s an exciting possible vision for the future. I wonder if we will ever manage to do any of that.

This is the part of the review where I try to list read-alikes or books with a similar theme, but I think that Terms of Service is in a class all of its own. I think parents, educators, politicians, and anyone who uses the internet should read and discuss this book.

It is only through knowing the dangers of constant connection that we can begin to address them. Terms of Service provides an eye-opening and disturbing view of how far we have let the situation go.

But, never fear, with proper education- like reading this book- anything is possible.

I received a free advanced reader’s copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check! And thanks for reading.

A Wrinkle in Time (Time Quintet, #1) by Madeleine L’Engle

**Spoiler alert: for those who haven’t had the chance to read this classic tale. Please read before you enjoy this review!**

A Wrinkle in Time begins in a deceptively normal way: on a night with wind-tossed trees and a howling rain storm. From there, award-winning author Madeleine L’Engle takes readers literally to the stars and beyond in this extraordinary coming-of-age fantasy novel.

I first read about the adventures of Meg, Charles Wallace and Calvin when I was eleven or twelve years old. It was during my early bookworm phase, when I was still learning there were genres that I enjoyed more than others.

I was swept up in the adventure part of this story- facing down the shadows and ‘It’ in my subconscious mind and heart. I remember thinking the Aunt Beast portion of the story was boring and being disappointed Meg’s father was a real man with flaws rather than a superhero who could solve all of her problems.

Looking back on that interpretation now, I see my own burgeoning psychological development and the belief that my parents were some kind of godlike beings- something that most if not all children pass through at some point or another. When did you discover that your parents were real and fallible, just like you?

However, listening to the audiobook as a fully grown adult with a daughter of my own, I was struck by Meg’s strength and bravery. It takes a great deal of inner resolve to face down society’s expectations and the numbing experience of living soullessly every day, following someone else’s school or work schedule and agenda. (A real life version of the pulsing, all-encompassing brain of L’Engle’s fantasy world.)

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How many days have I awoken only to race off to the hamster wheel of the work week- toiling away so the highly-paid minds of the CEOs could rest easy, knowing that the company was producing product (whatever industry that may be) and providing value for the shareholders? More than I’d care to admit, before I discovered the safe haven of the librarian’s world.

In my own effort to find my calling, I was reminded of Meg’s struggles to survive her encounter with It, not just survive but decide how her body and mind should function. In some ways, the modern work experience feels like someone else dictates how many breaths you should take per minute or what rhythm your heart should beat.

I had the good fortune of listening to an audiobook that has L’Engle speaking a brief introduction and then an afterword read by one of L’Engle’s granddaughters.

The granddaughter (I’m embarrassed I don’t remember her name) shared the details and struggles of L’Engle’s life- including the rejection of her manuscript by numerous publishing houses and the shade some readers threw her way for their own interpretations of her story. Some claimed the book was too overly Christian while others thought it promoted witchcraft. Her granddaughter said L’Engle was baffled by the hate mail.

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Curious how a reader’s lens of perception shapes the experience you have with a book. As I mentioned earlier, as a child I thought this book was a grand adventure. As an adult, I see it as a metaphor for living in the modern world.

I’m keen to have my own reluctant reader try this book and share what she thinks about it.

Recommended for everyone but especially those who find themselves a beat or two out of step with the proverbial Its of the modern world. This book reminds you that you’re not alone.

I enjoyed the book more than the movie- but here’s the trailer for those who like movies more than books.

Thanks for reading!

The Master Guide to Impactful Thank You Notes by Jay D. Burgmann

“An effective follow-up with a prospect, client, boss, work associate, friend, or even relative accomplishes two things; first, it gives you the occasion to recap your event, and second, provides the opportunity to celebrate actions or accomplishments from it.”

Thank You notes are a big deal for me during the month of December. At the beginning of the month, I have my birthday and at the end there’s Christmas- the mother of all holidays that require thank you notes.

For full transparency, I received a free copy of this book from the author Jay D. Burgmann after his brother conducted a lovely and gratis ‘understanding Medicare’ event at my local library. Afterwards, Jay suggested I schedule an event based off his book and I just may.

The book itself is clearly self published. The author didn’t chose a font that appeals, at least to me. Occasionally, when he wants the reader to know the text is important, he goes into the faux pas of all caps.

I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t like being shouted at- even in literature form.

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Like this: “KEY POINT- IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. SAYING THANKS IS MOST IMPORTANT. A WELL WORDED MESSAGES MAKES IT EVEN MORE POWERFUL. BEAUTIFYING IT WITH GOOD STATIONARY IS A NICE TOUCH”

Beyond the superficial, this self-described “workbook journal” is very helpful, especially for younger readers who have either never been educated about the importance of saying thank you, or don’t care.

Burgmann highlights the note as an important networking tool. He recalls a visit to the office of someone he wrote a thank you note to and says the client framed his handwritten note and had it on the wall of her office.

It was that impactful. And it’s easy to understand why.

Beyond the emotional appeal which Jay focuses on, expressing gratitude is one of the great strategies in the New Age law of attraction. What you think and speak about, so the teachers say, you bring about- perhaps in ways and means you never could imagine.

Burgmann, with this short book, joins the ranks of these educators and gurus. Saying thank you is important. Knowing how to write it is important.

Highly recommended for everyone. Don’t be put off by the format, focus on his message.

Lauren Berger the ‘Intern Queen’ shares how to write an excellent Thank You note. You can find internships and read her blog at http://Internqueen.com

And thanks for reading!

Deadhouse Gates (Malazan Book of the Fallen, #2) by Steven Erikson

Since the end of August, I’ve been working on reading Deadhouse Gates, the second book of the massive series, Malazan Book of the Fallen.

What took me so long? Personal life issues aside, this book is a beast.

“Icarium turned to him with a faint smile. ‘I am my own curse, Mappo. I have lived centuries, yet what do I know of my own past? Where are my memories?” pg 22, ebook

What is the book about? Here’s a summary from Goodreads: “In the vast dominion of Seven Cities, in the Holy Desert Raraku, the seer Sha’ik and her followers prepare for the long-prophesied uprising known as the Whirlwind. Unprecedented in size and savagery, this maelstrom of fanaticism and bloodlust will embroil the Malazan Empire in one of the bloodiest conflicts it has ever known, shaping destinies and giving birth to legends.”

In addition to a handful of characters from the previous book, readers are introduced to Felisin, Tavore, an entire host (two or three hosts really) of warriors and epic leaders, new magical warrens, monsters (some old, some new) inhabiting these warrens. And more, so much more.

My favorite character in this entry wasn’t even human, it is a house- Azath. It is one of a handful of magical places that connect worlds together and holds secrets that even the bravest among us do not dare to know.

I would get so much reading done in a place like that. :p

My other favorite character is a historian, Duiker. He’s living and remembering the history of a band of soldiers who are working to save refugees from a vengeful desert army.

“The historian stepped outside into the rain, drawing in lungfuls of clean, cool air as he once more wrapped a cloak about him.” pg 45

It is a march with no end in sight. In fact, it takes up much of the 834 pages of the ebook.

Most of this story is occupied with war and it is very grim. For readers who like dark fantasy, this would be a good pick.

It was not a time to be alone, in the heart of slaughter, where every piece of wreckage or burnt and torn flesh seemed to cry out silent outrage. Sites of battle held on to a madness, as if the blood that had soaked into the soil remembered pain and terror and held locked within it the echoes of screams and death cries.” pg 225

I can’t say it was my cup of tea. I’m far too optimistic for dark books. But I made it through this one.

“The unknown pursues the ignorant, the truth assails every scholar wise enough to know his own ignorance, for that is the meaning of unknowable truths.” pg 512

Besides the characters, my other favorite part of this book is the magic system which author Steven Erikson continues to reveal one measly crumb at a time.

“The Wickans know that the gift of power is never free. They know enough not to envy the chosen among them, for power is never a game, nor are glittering standards raised to glory and wealth. They disguise nothing in trappings, and so we all see what we’d rather not, that power is cruel, hard as iron and bone, and it thrives on destruction.” pg 556

I thought I had a map in my head of the warrens from Gardens of the Moon and how they all fit together. But Erikson upended that map in this book. I expect he’ll probably do it again in the next one- if I ever attempt it.

It is easy to see why, despite its difficulties, this series has a serious fan base. It is complex enough that you’re either totally into it, or totally out. I think I fall somewhere in-between.

Only recommended for fans of dark fantasy. Everyone else, steer clear.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Tag: book blog

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

O’s Little Book of Happiness by O, The Oprah Magazine (Editor), Thelma Adams (Contributor)

Tree of Ages (Tree of Ages #1) by Sara C. Roethle

Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead by Laszlo Bock

A Wrinkle in Time (Time Quintet, #1) by Madeleine L’Engle

The Master Guide to Impactful Thank You Notes by Jay D. Burgmann

Deadhouse Gates (Malazan Book of the Fallen, #2) by Steven Erikson

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