Author Sarah Wilson shares anecdotes and anxiety-busting methods from her life experience.
“One of the dear, dear things about getting older, is that it does eventually dawn on you that there is no guidebook. One day it suddenly emerges: No one bloody gets it! None of us knows what we’re doing. pg 5, ebook
Through her research and personal experiences, Wilson shares the best, and the worst, of the treatments and latest scientific advances. Even though we don’t have the treatments for anxiety nailed down yet, it helps to know that sufferers are not alone in their struggles.
“We’re told that globally one in thirteen people suffer an anxiety-related illness. Some studies tell us that one in six of us in the West will be afflicted with an anxiety disorder at some stage in our lives, making it the most common officially classified mental illness.” pg 14, ebook
I liked Wilson’s definition of anxiety: she sees it as a separation of self from something larger and more meaningful. The anxiety makes us reach for this something, but we don’t know what we’re reaching for and it hurts.
“Anxiety is a disconnection with this Something Else. As I say, the doctors and scientists can call it all kinds of things, but I believe it all comes down to this disconnect.” pg 44, ebook
Wilson excels at the physical descriptions of anxiety and bipolar disorder. She captures the raw edges of the experience and how life can feel painful because all the stimulation coming in when you’re having a panic attack or a manic episode.
She includes a couple exercises to help bring yourself down when you’re experiencing anxiety. But not too many, because: “I don’t plan on filling this book with too many exercises that people like me skim over to get to the meaty theory. I’ll just include the ones that suit people like you and me.” pg 57, ebook
Highly recommended for anxiety sufferers or their loved ones who want to know what it’s like to be inside the experience.
The Heretic’s Guide to Homecoming is a fantasy journey in which Ronoah, an introverted and anxious main character, discovers a strength inside himself that he didn’t know he had and, along the way, learns about the world outside of the regimented and ill-fitting expectations of his hometown.
It is not a simple adventure because Ronoah, with all of his hang ups, is a very unlikely hero.
“… Ronoah was not one tenth the rebel she needed him to be. Inertia had him by the throat, and its consequence was a keen pain squatting ugly at the bottom of his soul, rotting it from the roots up.” pg 9
Like other readers, I found author Sienne Tristen‘s depiction of Ronoah’s crippling anxiety and panic attacks to be one of the most insightful and sensitive pieces of writing I’ve ever had the privilege to read. Unlike most works of fantasy in which the action takes place in an external world, Ronoah’s greatest battles are in his own mind.
The anxiety speaks with its own voice and becomes a main character throughout the story.
“What were you thinking, it sneered, acting like you’re so important, so worldly, making it out like you’re some big intellectual champion when all you really are is a petulant runaway with a few bits of trivia stuck in your useless head? Talking and talking like you’re an authority on anything- who do you think you are?” pg 53
Ronoah’s interactions with the other characters from the book take on a secondary importance to the all-encompassing relationship that he has with his inner world. But they are still beautiful connections.
“… He had this way of grabbing life by the horns and refusing to let go, no matter how it tried to shake him off. You know those people you sometimes find, the ones who…” “Who shine.” pg 154
Sienna Tristen’s writing brings to light foibles of anxious people that might otherwise remain shrouded in the sufferer’s inability to vocalize their feelings. Anybody who has ever spent a sleepless night stuck in the agony of fear and indecision will understand exactly what Tristen is spelling out in this story.
On the other hand, I found the first two-thirds of the book to be extremely triggering because of this gigantic magnifying glass that is held up to anxiety. The pacing didn’t do me any favors either. As Ronoah slowly twisted in the unending spirals of panic in his own head, I hung on the hook right along with him.
It was helpful to see Ronoah’s thinking process which Tristen writes so beautifully. Almost every time, readers can feel the moment he tips from functional person with some worries to frozen anxious mess. In my own life, I’ve started to watch for those tipping points- the moments I go from concerned about the future to paralyzed by anxiety. It has actually been quite illuminating.
But all of that new found self knowledge doesn’t make for a fun read. Fiction is one of my escapes from reality. In this book, I found quite a lot of reality and it wasn’t an escape after all.
“How far do you have to push your boundaries before you can feel them stretch? How high do you have to climb before your horizon expands? Is it possible to notice your own growing, or is improvement like an eyeball- visible to everything but itself?” pg 193
Recommended for readers who don’t mind very slow pacing in exchange for gorgeous writing about anxiety. Mind the triggers.
Crystal Dwyer, a new age instructor, has developed a set of guided meditations to enable listeners to improve their lives in a variety of ways. These tracks address issues from insomnia to anxiety. She has a pleasant voice and the meditations are enjoyable.
If you’re not into new age themes, you may want to try another hypnosis program. At the beginning of the audiobook, Dwyer is straight forward with her beliefs about God being within each of us and our individual power as creators. I could see that being problematic with those who don’t connect with those teachings.
I feel that the title of this work is a bit misleading. There are going to be ups and downs in any life. To suggest that you can eliminate anything seems suspect and sort of pie-in-the-sky. It reminds me of books that tout “read this and lose ten pounds in three weeks” and things of that nature. These meditations are valuable enough without the publisher (or author) making promises that perhaps they can’t keep.
That being said, I don’t think many people know what hypnosis is. In my experience, hypnosis, similar to a trance-state, just feels like deep relaxation. Everyone is different, but when I’m under, my body feels heavy but light, which seems impossible. My limbs sort of disappear and I feel as if I’m floating.
Once I’m there, in that relaxed state, then I let the meditation I’m listening to just wash over me. It feels really good actually. Generally, at the end, the hypnotist will say something like, “You’re coming back and you’ll feel entirely refreshed.” And, wouldn’t you know it, I do.
I think popular culture hasn’t done hypnosis any favors with people’s expectations about how it works. (The film “Office Space” comes to mind.) You don’t turn into some suggest-able zombie person when you’re under. Like most things, hypnosis and relaxation are a choice. Worry is a choice. It’s all about controlling that inner narrative and changing your inner thought processes to ones that are pleasing to you.
A child once asked me to teach her about hypnosis so she could “control her brother”, which cracked me up. But then I explained to her that hypnosis isn’t a tool for controlling other people. The name of the game is improving and controlling yourself.
It’s like Marcus Aurelius said: “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Recommended for seekers looking for another tool to help them on their path to self knowledge.
Andrew Weil presents pranayama, Eastern breathing techniques for health and well being, for a Western audience. If you have never tried meditation or deep breathing before, this would be a good place to start.
Weil talks about how breathing is one of the only bodily functions that can be performed both consciously and automatically. That unique control allows for a bridge to be made between the conscious and subconscious minds. Ever notice how people who are upset breathe faster? There’s reasons for that.
The first disc of this audiobook is almost unbelievable in Weil’s claims of healing mental and physical disorders through simple breathing, but I don’t think he’d lie about it. I guess our culture has always put so much belief in Western healing through the use of medicines and concrete therapies, that we haven’t always entertained other types of healing.
Of particular interest to me was Weil’s testimony about a patient of his with anxiety disorders that were so severe that they were causing heart palpitations. His patient was given medications to suppress the anxiety, but after awhile they stopped working and Weil’s patient was forced to find something else. He approached all manner of doctors and psychologists, but didn’t see any movement forward on his problems until he began to practice Weil’s breathing techniques.
I know a few people in my own life who might find that story interesting too. Couldn’t we all use tools to increase our inner peace and decrease those pesky anxieties?
The second disc is half a dozen or so different breathing exercises. They’re all fairly simple and you can do them in minutes.
I listened to this audiobook years ago and, honestly, forgot everything I learned. But I explored it again last week and realized that it was never too late to get back on track. Recommended self help book for anybody who breathes. 🙂
Pico Iyer approaches stillness from a Buddhist perspective in “The Art of Stillness.”
“And it’s only by going nowhere- by sitting still or letting my mind relax- that I find that the thoughts that come to me unbidden are far fresher and more imaginative than the ones I consciously seek out.” pg 62.
It’s not a world that most people are accustomed to experiencing, a space of being rather than an active doing. But, as Iyer so succinctly illustrates, it’s a realm that our fast-paced and technology addicted world desperately needs.
To venture into this emptiness is a restful and required experience for the health of the mind as much as inspired action is necessary for the experience of a fulfilling life.
I think that our culture has forgotten the power of stillness and the beauty of balancing our male and female energies. This book is an excellent reminder to appreciate both.
For those folks out there who haven’t heard Pico Iyer’s TED talk on this topic, I would recommend that you watch it first, then read this.
I read this and then I listened to the talk. Almost all 18 minutes of it were taken verbatim from The Art of Stillness. So, you’ll enjoy it more, I believe, if you do the opposite of what I did.
My big takeaway from this was the idea of air travel as “a retreat in the sky” pg 56. I dislike flying to the point where I tend to reach my destination exhausted and ready to return home the moment I land.
I think if I could successfully adopt the process that Iyer describes of treating the flight as a “meditative retreat” that I could change my experience of air travel from a nightmare into a restful pause.
There are many large ideas like that contained within this small book.
For the right person at the right time, The Art of Stillness could change her life. As Iyer says, The Art of Stillness doesn’t contain any “new” ideas but they are powerful and much needed ones.
Readers who are short on time, but big on stress may really love this book.
I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. FTC guidelines: check!
Shonda Rhimes’ heartfelt memoir about the power of embracing who you are and having the courage to set aside what you are not.
Though outwardly successful, Shonda was miserable. Between over-working and her introverted tendencies, she turned down every invitation and social event. The ones that she was forced to accept were anxiety inducing trials or complete blanks because of panic attacks.
Shonda didn’t even realize she was unhappy until, one Thanksgiving, her sister tells her that she doesn’t say yes to anything. Something clicks and Shonda embarks on a Year of Yes. Her results are astonishing and so is this memoir.
I have never watched a single episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I didn’t even realize that that was her show. You don’t need to be an aficionado to appreciate this book.
Shonda begins with some crushingly honest passages about her discomfort at sharing her life and her passion for writing. “Making stuff up is responsible for everything-everything I’ve done, everything I am, everything i have. Without the tales, the fiction, the stories I’ve spun, it is highly likely that right now, today, I’d be a very quiet librarian in Ohio.” pg 6, ebook. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 🙂
The first part of this book was actually hard for me to get through because she was so obviously uncomfortable at creating a window into her heart and mind. She gets over it and so did I. “When it was first suggested to me that I write about this year, my first instinct was to say no. Writing about myself feels a lot like I have just decided to stand up on a table in a very proper restaurant, raise my dress and show everyone that I’m not wearing panties. That is to say, it feels shocking.” pg 12, ebook.
Shonda is just so relatable. Take this confession about motherhood: “I don’t know about you, but the mistakes and missteps I have made since becoming a mother… before kids, my confidence could not be dented. Now it’s shattered on a daily basis. I don’t know what I am doing.” pg 63, ebook. I know, right! Nobody knows what they’re doing. I take comfort in that.
Throughout her year of challenging herself, Shonda discovers that she’s uncomfortable in her own skin because of her weight. This next passage is for anyone out there who has body image issues: “I believe everyone’s body is theirs and everyone has a right to love their body in whatever size and shape and package it comes in. I will fight for anyone’s right to do so. I will kick ass and take names if I have to. Your body is yours. My body is mine. No one’s body is up for comment. No matter how small, how large, how curvy, how flat. If you love you, then I love you.” pg 85, ebook. End of story.
I also liked how she came to a new understanding about how life works: “I’ve started to think we are like mirrors. What you are gets reflected back to you. What you see in yourself, you may see in others, and what others see in you, they may see in themselves.” pg 120, ebook. I’ve started to think that too.
The Year of Yes is recommended for readers who enjoy memoirs or for those folks out there whose lives are in need of an awakening- a shaking of the snow globe of your reality, if you will. Shonda said yes to things that scared her and discovered, on the other side of fear, a life truly worth living. I hope that we can all be as fortunate and as brave on our journeys.
“You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost)” is an excruciatingly honest memoir from Felicia Day about her quirky childhood, gaming addiction, cultural attitudes online, and life long struggle with anxiety and other mental health issues.
She reminded me a great deal of Jenny Lawson in her straight forward presentation of difficult topics and also in her exuberant storytelling style. And, in many other ways, she reminded me of myself.
Being a female gamer is hard. There, I’ve said it. Not only do your female friends not want to play video games with you, but your male friends never really accept you as a legitimate gamer. You’re kind of stuck in this twilight space of “this is what I love to do” but society doesn’t agree that it is appropriate for you to do.
Now, unlike the early days of MMORPGs, many more women play video games, and I’m sure that I’d make more female friends if I tried. But, back then in the fall of 2000, when I first got into EverQuest (one of the predecessors of WoW, the game that Felicia played), many more men played female avatars than actual women played. That’s just how it went.
I loved that Felicia addressed this female gamer white elephant, so to speak. There are few people who really talk about it, but it’s something that I’ve been dealing with for a long time.
I loved her cheerful attitude, even when things got tough: “My story demonstrates that there’s no better time in history to have a dream and be able to reach an audience with your art. Or just be as weird as you want to be and not have to be ashamed.” pg 19 ebook. That’s a pretty powerful lesson and one which artists and dreamers everywhere should know.
Felicia admits that she has very few hands-on skills, something which I also have in common with her. In this passage, she’s joking about ordering coffee: “…I’m determined to enjoy the liquid indulgences of modern life. Might as well take advantage of it all before the zombie apocalypse. I have no practical skills; I’m fully aware that I’ll be one of the first ones “turned.” Instead of learning motorcycle repair or something else disaster-scenario useful, I’ll order the drink I want until I become a shambling corpse.” pg 17 ebook.
I’ve thought about my librarianship skills and book reviewing abilities in that same light. If something catastrophic happens, I’m kind of screwed.
I mean, yes, there have been favorable depictions of librarians after the apocalypse (Station Eleven comes to mind) but really, what good could I do for people struggling to survive or myself? While we’re on the topic of librarians, I also enjoyed that Felicia’s first “job” was working for her aunt, a librarian. She said about it: “No job since has left me feeling so well rewarded.” pg 67 ebook. Aww….
Chapter Five: Quirky Addiction = Still an Addiction (How my obsessive personality steered me into a twelve-hour-a-day gaming addiction and an alt-life as a level 60 warlock named Codex) pg 85 ebook, was my favorite.
Gaming addiction is an actual thing. I’ve known multiple people who dropped out of college or lost their jobs because they couldn’t stop playing video games. I’ve also known people whose relationships started or ended because of it too. It seems silly for people who don’t have any interest in video games, but it can be as destructive an addiction and as real as anything else- drugs, sex, whatever.
Felicia nails the siren call of video games in this passage: “When we graduate from childhood into adulthood, we’re thrown into this confusing, Cthulhu-like miasma of life, filled with social and career problems, all with branching choices and no correct answers. Sometimes gaming feels like going back to that simple kid world. pg 93 ebook.
That’s it, really. Do the quest, get the reward, and repeat. Real life is never that simple or straight forward.
Though she felt like she wasted a lot of time, Felicia managed to break free of her addiction and channel her passion into the hugely successfully series: The Guild. I had never watched it, but after reading this book, I binge-watched every episode. She managed to take the culture, friendships, and craziness that is online gaming and turned it into a compulsively view-able series. I loved it.
If you haven’t had a chance to watch it yourself, I highly recommend it. One of the overarching points of this book, and the television show, is that not only can you overcome hurdles that held you back from the life of your dreams, but you can use the very thing that was the stumbling block to move onwards. Well done, Felicia, very well done.
One last little bit that I wanted to include in this review, because it rang so true for me, was Felicia’s thoughts about her struggles with mental illness. She says: “I couldn’t trust my own mind anymore, which was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. pg 170 ebook.
When your own internal filter, your brain, is compromised, you feel like you can’t trust yourself ever again. It’s as simple and as terrifying as that and, unless you go through it yourself, there’s not really any good way to explain what’s happened to you or why you’re so afraid.
If you’ve ever had any struggles with anxiety or mental health issues, you may really enjoy this memoir. Also, if you enjoy online gaming or want to understand one of your loved ones who does, you may like this book. Some read-alikes: Nerd Do Well by Simon Pegg, Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks: An Epic Quest for Reality Among Role Players, Online Gamers, and Other Dwellers of Imaginary Realms by Ethan Gilsdorf, or Just a Geek: Unflinchingly honest tales of the search for life, love, and fulfillment beyond the Starship Enterprise by Wil Wheaton.
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