The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress by Val Walker

“Qualities like gentleness, patience, warmth, and empathy can be so undervalued in this day and age that when we need to sit down with someone devastated by a loss or turbulent change in their lives, we often feel unsure about what to say or do.” pg 7, ebook.

Author Val Walker discovered first-hand that there is a lack of knowledge about offering comfort in the modern age. She was going through a divorce and relocation, and had no one to confide in. She said her friends and family members were either too busy to give her some of their time or they gave her a type of attention she didn’t desire- like mouthing platitudes or giving unwelcome advice.

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Walker realized that society has lost its ability to do something as simple as listen and be present. She wrote this book to help others offer this gift to those around them.

“Presence. Unshakable, steady, tender, and empathic presence. Soft strength. That was comfort.” pg 10, ebook

She dispels many myths about what comforting may look like, including my concern that I never know what to say when someone shares their inner turmoil with me.

“Myth: Comforters always know what to say. We don’t have to know the right thing to say. Sometimes there is really nothing that can be said.” pg 21, ebook

After that, Walker interviews mental health professionals from many different modalities, offering different ways that these comforters approach and soothe those around them. From creating art to writing to simply watching television together, there are so many opportunities to spend time and connect with someone in need.

“The language of comforting is a language like any other- it can be learned but, once mastered, can become as effortless as breathing. And if our words and gestures are warm, empathic, and respectful, they will help to create a safe space for the comforter and the one being comforted to inhabit.” pg 81

The past year has been devastating for so many. I picked up this book because I never know what to say when someone comes to me with pain or disappointment or heartbreak.

Walker has reassured me that sometimes the best help anyone can give another is to say nothing at all but to offer the gift of your presence and attention. Because at the end of the day, another word for ‘comfort’ is ‘love’. And we all know how to do that already, right?

Thanks for reading!

The Yoga Tradition: Its History, Literature, Philosophy and Practice by Georg Feuerstein

The Yoga Tradition is a reference book for the history and practical methods of yoga in its myriad forms throughout time and different religious traditions.

“In its oldest known form, Yoga appears to have been the practice of disciplined introspection, or meditative focusing, in conjunction with sacrificial rituals.” pg 27

From these ancient beginnings, author Georg Feuerstein takes readers on a fantastical and spiritual journey through the various branches of yoga including Raja, Hatha, Bhakti, Jnana and more. He’s printed original texts, along with analysis of them, throughout the book to provide context and origin materials for each tradition.

What emerges in The Yoga Tradition is stunning in its complexity as well as sheer variety of methods, beliefs and practices.

“Long before the word yoga acquired its customary meaning of ‘spirituality’ or ‘spiritual discipline,’ the sages of India had developed a body of knowledge and techniques that aimed at the transformation and transcendence of ordinary consciousness. This stock of ideas and practices formed the matrix out of which grew the complex historical phenomenon that later came to be called Yoga.” pg 65

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Beyond sharing the history, philosophy, and practice of yoga, Feuerstein encourages modern scientists to look closely at the traditions in these pages to see what benefits could be gained from the ancient knowledge.

“Gradually, modern medicine and psychology, aided by advanced scientific concepts, methods, and instrumentation, are rediscovering some of the amazing facts that yogins have talked about and demonstrated for centuries.” pg 400

In my mind, that is one of the most exciting aspects of this book- what humanity could possibly learn about the enduring mystery of consciousness itself through the application of modern methods of study to ancient techniques.

Highly recommended for anyone interested in yoga and looking for a scholar’s thorough dissection of its history and forms. Your search can begin and end with this title.

Thanks for reading!

The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World by Ted Zeff

“Approximately 15 to 20 percent of the population have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds, and time pressure.” pg 10, ebook

Ted Zeff, a self professed highly sensitive person or HSP, shares coping mechanisms he’s cultivated throughout his life-long struggle with the unique way he responds to every day life. Topics range from improving work environments, personal relationships with non-highly sensitive people, getting a good night’s sleep and more.

While you can’t live your life totally removed from the world’s jolts, you can create an environment that minimizes stimuli. If you can anchor yourself to a ship of tranquility, you won’t be tossed about by the waves of stimulation.” pg 22

I am a highly sensitive person too. Most of the tips and habits Zeff suggests in this book are common sense and were not all that helpful to me. The material also becomes somewhat repetitive as the book goes on. But, if you’ve just discovered this about yourself, I could see this book being eye-opening.

“Since our aggressive society values non-HSP behavior, HSPs must learn to create boundaries and speak up. Unfortunately, many HSPs are shy and feel embarrassed to state what they want.” pg 63

Something I did learn about in this book is the highly sensitive person issue of “time pressure”. I know deadlines and meet up times stress me out, but I didn’t realize that was fairly typical of highly sensitive people.

“Combined with your high sense of responsibility, functioning under time constraints can be one of the most difficult aspects of being a highly sensitive person. In this section you will learn specific techniques to successfully deal with the daily pressures of our fast-paced modern society.” pg 32

If you only have time to read one book about highly sensitive people, the author himself recommends The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You multiple times throughout this text. You may want to pick that one up and give this a pass.

Thanks for reading!

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer

Michael Singer reminds readers that we are not the thoughts that we habitually think or the bodies that we walk around in. He gives multiple tips on how to access the spiritual strength inside ourselves and how to view life through the wide lens of this non-attached perspective.

Singer writes that it is through this new way of looking at life that one can find enlightenment.

The ideas that are shared in Untethered Soul can be found in countless other books on spiritual studies. This isn’t new information. But, I think, there is always room on my bookshelf for a book that reminds me of spiritual truths.

It is all too easy to get caught up in the day-to-day trivialities of life with its stresses and constant demands on our attention. If you take a breath and a step back, it’s surprising what you can see.

Perhaps the mammoth success of The Untethered Soul over other books in its genre is the exposure it received on The Oprah Winfrey show. Whatever the case, it is quite accessible to readers who haven’t considered these concepts before.

Recommended for spiritual seekers both seasoned and not.

Spirit Hacking: Shamanic Keys to Reclaim Your Personal Power, Transform Yourself, and Light Up the World by Shaman Durek

Shaman Durek offers practices to spiritual seekers who are looking for ways to improve their lives through the use of shamanistic techniques. Like most new age or spiritual books, not everything in here resonated with me. But I will take a few key concepts and jettison the rest.

For starters, I took issue with the title of this book, “Spirit Hacking”. It implies that there are some sort of tested and proven short cuts to bringing spiritual dimensions into one’s life. I think most readers are wise enough to know that such a thing doesn’t exist. To put that sort of label on a work is false advertising to delusional, depending, I suppose, on how much one believes one’s own hype.

On the other hand, if “Spirit Hacking” was simply an effort to connect with readers who sincerely want to believe in such spiritual short cuts then this book will probably fill some sort of gap in his or her journey to a desired “goal”.

Personally, I took the title as a type of warning flag before I read it. Tread softly here, Heidi, I said to myself. And question everything.

Shamanism, like other semi-organized movements, varies greatly depending upon who is imparting the wisdom and from what tradition. Shaman Durek touches upon topics I’ve studied from other sources such as there are different types of spirits, various rituals or practices to interact with these spirits and time isn’t as fixed as some imagine it may be. But he puts his own unique spin on the information.

I like the empowering side to shamanism. If you have lingering physical or emotional pain, these practices suggest that you can do something about it, today if you’d like. If you’d like to change the world, go within and change yourself, then the rest will follow.

I also like the idea that everything on the planet from plants to animals to places has a guiding spirit or intelligence. If only one knew the way to interact with these intelligences, life itself could become a guide into the mysteries of the spirit. That part of shamanism is pretty cool.

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On the other hand, I don’t like how some shamanistic movements act like established religions, insisting that their ways or traditions are the only way to go. In addition to the snobbery, I take issue with the manner in which some shaman teach their methods. They fail to distinguish between the real world and visionary space, leading adherents to confuse one with the other or worse, not draw any dividing lines at all.

Shaman Durek’s tone can be somewhat abrasive, but if readers are looking for basic shamanistic ideas, they can be found here. Recommended with reservations for new age spiritual seekers.

Other titles about shamanism that you may want to explore if you’ve read this: This Trip Will Change Your Life: A Shaman’s Story of Spirit Evolution, The Way of the Shaman, Active Dreaming: Journeying Beyond Self-Limitation to a Life of Wild Freedom or The Flying Witches of Veracruz: A Shaman’s True Story of Indigenous Witchcraft, Devil’s Weed, and Trance Healing in Aztec Brujeria.

The Wild Woman’s Way: Unlock Your Full Potential for Pleasure, Power, and Fulfillment by Michaela Boehm

“This book is a call to come back to our wild, undomesticated ‘original nature,’ which, combined with an untamed heart, knows what is true for each of us. It is a call to return to the inborn genius that guides our passion, whispers in our ear with longing, and reveals itself abundantly when we allow our bodies to show us the way.” pg 8, ebook

Michaela Boehm utilizes her years of therapeutic practice and tantric training in this self help book designed for the modern woman.

There are so many choices and life paths from high-powered careers to motherhood, that many women try to do it all.

“The good news: amidst such a multitude of options we are free to choose what resonates with us. The bad news: it’s confusing, overwhelming, time-consuming, fraught with many pitfalls, and requires constant discernment.” pg 9, ebook

It’s not possible to do and have it all, Boehm writes, and while they attempt it, women cut themselves off from their sensual natures. She has written this book to give women practices and rituals to bring them back from this disconnection into the power and knowledge of their bodies.

“Relaxing the body; engaging with life, beauty, and nature; and gentle, nonlinear movement and dance are some of those physical practices we’ll be engaging in throughout this book.” pg 34, ebook

I didn’t connect with all of Boehm’s writing, but I have begun to practice a version of her “formless dancing” every day. The practice itself is simple. Turn on music with no words and a beat, and move your body however it feels like moving. It’s designed to release tension and unconscious clenching that happens when one becomes disconnected from their physical form.

“Once you understand your own reasons for any numbness, tension, and strain that you may carry in your body, you can easily undo the related habitual body patterns and restore yourself to a state of pleasurable aliveness and sensual well-being.” pg 50

I find it extremely relaxing. I probably look mad, shimmying and bouncing and swaying around, but it feels really good so who cares. 🙂

Highly recommended for readers looking to reconnect with their body’s innate intelligence or who are interested in different spiritual practices.

Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor

James Nestor takes a deep dive into the fascinating and surprisingly mysterious world of breathing. “How mysterious could it be, Heidi?” I hear you ask. It’s something everyone does without thinking literally a few times every minute every day of their lives.

Well, there’s a lot of mysteriousness, as Nestor discovered through his journey from terrible breathing to consciousness-shifting, bone-building, better breathing.

“I do as instructed, and listen as the rushing wind that was pouring through my lungs suddenly stops and is replaced by pure silence, the kind of jarring quietude a skydiver feels the moment a parachute opens. But this stillness is coming from inside.” pg 143, ebook

He talks to researchers and mystics from around the globe to access both cutting edge research as well as ancient teachings from such exalted texts as The Upanishads.

What he’s discussing here isn’t new, but it feels new, perhaps because of the chronic disconnect between the mind and body that seems to haunt modern humanity.

From breathing slower to exhaling more, the dangerous of mouth breathing and the astonishing connection carbon dioxide inhalation has to panic attacks, there’s a lot to explore.

And, despite all of the observed benefits and ten years of extensive research, Nestor doesn’t forget to mention that breathing isn’t a panacea. I appreciated that part as well.

“… what I’d like to make clear now, is that breathing, like any therapy or medication, can’t do everything. Breathing fast, slow, or not at all can’t make an embolism go away. … No breathing can heal stage IV cancer. These severe problems require urgent medical attention.” pg 184-185, ebook

I bookmarked all of the exercises Nestor gathers together from the text and lists at the end of the book. Each has similar yet slightly different affects according to practitioners of the methods. I may have to try every one to see for myself.

Highly recommended.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong by Bill Douglas

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong is a useful reference guide that I’ve been using in conjunction with online courses to dip my toes into the practice of both.

The first part of the book is the history of the martial and meditative arts as well as best practices. The second part is the movements.

I liked that links to demonstrative videos are sprinkled throughout the text, somewhere over a hundred of them! It really helped the materials to come alive for me.

The way the author writes might be a little far out for readers who are looking for more scientific approaches to the practices. He touches on scientific studies that demonstrate health benefits, but doesn’t go too deeply into the science behind them. Readers who are looking for something like that may want to find a different book.

I’ve begun to incorporate both t’ai chi and qigong into my daily routine. It is a nice, restive break from the stressful day-to-day grind. As I move my body through the practices, my mind follows.

It is difficult to describe, but easy to experience if you attempt some of the movements yourself.

One of the most helpful online resources I discovered for qigong is “Qi Gong for Better Health and Wellness” by Lee Holden on Wondrium.

Highly recommended for readers at all levels of fitness. Namaste!

Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t: Why That Is And What You Can Do About It by Steven Pressfield

Steven Pressfield shares the applicable lessons he’s learned from a lifetime of different writing jobs. The most important one is the title of this non-fiction, self help book.

“Sometimes young writers acquire the idea from their years in school that the world is waiting to read what they’ve written. They get this idea because their teachers had to read their essays or term papers or dissertations. In the real world, no one is waiting to read what you’ve written. pg 16, ebook

Along the way, Pressfield discovered the importance of writing for yourself rather than as a ghost writer, the necessity of structuring each piece whether it is a screen play or a novel, the enduring popularity of the hero’s journey and more.

He also addresses the inner demons that may prevent fledging writers from finishing what they begin, a topic that Pressfield also discusses at length in his other book, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

“I did not know that there existed inside my head an invisible, insidious, intractable, indefatigable force whose sole object was to keep me from doing my work, i.e., finishing the book I had been trying to write for seven years- and ultimately to destroy me, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. All I knew was that I couldn’t finish anything.” pg 49

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I found all of his advice helpful, and the manner in which Pressfield delivers it as both approachable and entertaining.

“The writer must know what genre he is working in and the conventions of that genre, just as the bridge builder must understand the science of foundational integrity and the means of mitigating stress on strung steel.” pg 66, ebook

He closes the book with a humorous anecdote about writing for a pornographic film. Even in that tale, Pressfield managed to teach me something about story construction and storytelling. I only mention it in case any potential reader finds such things offensive. Here’s your warning.

Highly recommended for writers at any level. Pressfield knows his stuff.

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Category: Self Help

The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress by Val Walker

The Yoga Tradition: Its History, Literature, Philosophy and Practice by Georg Feuerstein

The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World by Ted Zeff

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer

Spirit Hacking: Shamanic Keys to Reclaim Your Personal Power, Transform Yourself, and Light Up the World by Shaman Durek

The Wild Woman’s Way: Unlock Your Full Potential for Pleasure, Power, and Fulfillment by Michaela Boehm

Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong by Bill Douglas

Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t: Why That Is And What You Can Do About It by Steven Pressfield

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