The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer

Amanda Palmer is an extremely talented artist who has done it all- from performing in a punk rock band to posing as a statue on the streets.

I can see why readers are passionate about this book and the author. She just didn’t strike a spark for me.

Memoirs can drag on and become self-indulgent and ridiculous. I feel like that was a problem with The Art of Asking.

The tipping point for me was when she formed The Dresden Dolls with her friend and said (I’m quoting from memory here since I was listening to the audiobook): “I finally had the strongly emoting band I’d always dreamed of” or something like that.

I realized, I was strongly emoting on this book, but not in a good way.

I understand her internal struggles in forming a relationship with Neil Gaiman must have been difficult for her, but her “should I date him, he’s older and richer and more famous than me” just came off as silly and very first-world problems.

I get that she loves her fans, her art, her lifestyle- but it just come together to make a read that I enjoyed.

My apologies to her fans. If it helps, my favorite parts of the audiobook were the songs she put between some of the tracks. Those were actually pretty awesome.

Photo by Inga Seliverstova on Pexels.com

And the over-arching theme of The Art of Asking was good too.

Society isn’t comfortable with asking. We don’t know how to do it, don’t feel comfortable with it and it prevents people from making the art that they were born to make.

You can get that part of this book by watching Palmer’s TED talk. Maybe you should do that instead of reading this.

Here ’tis:

https://www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking

Thanks for reading.

Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks: An Epic Quest for Reality Among Role Players, Online Gamers, and Other Dwellers of Imaginary Realms by Ethan Gilsdorf

Ethan Gilsdorf carried angst about his gaming habits for various reasons for years. This book could have been a healing for him, but he doesn’t seem to take that leap.

It made me sad. Yes, perhaps the start of his DnD experience coincided with his mother’s illness, but I think that was not the only reason why he entered the world of fantasy.

Some people are born wanting to see worlds beyond this one. Why that is, I don’t know. I just know that it is so. Ethan suggests, in Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks, that it takes trauma to send a person in that direction, I disagree. I think some of us were born that way. 🙂

The content of the book is excellent. He travels from the UK to New Zealand and everywhere inbetween to find people who are engaging in LARPS, SCA, Tolkien, gamer conventions, Worlds of Warcraft, EverQuest, and more.

I loved his interviews with the man/woman on the street. He’d ask why they were doing whatever it was they were doing and they’d answer with conviction. There’s something very satisfying in reading personal statements by passionate people.

The enthusiasm nearly drips from the pages. I loved that.

I was hoping that Ethan would learn from all of these people who absolutely loved what they were doing with no regrets. But, he seemed to go to his default mode of judging and self-pity rather than expansion.

Ethan made some steps towards self realization at the end of the book, but I wish he had gone further.

If you enjoy this book or topic, may I suggest Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Play It. It’s a non-fiction read about Dungeons and Dragons. It lacks the comprehensive nature of Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks, but David Ewalt carries none of the emotional baggage of Ethan Gilsdorf so it feels more light-hearted.

Thanks for reading!

Amish Confidential by “Lebanon” Levi Stoltzfus and Ellis Henican

I wasn’t expecting much from Amish Confidential, a tell-all memoir, by Amish mafia reality television star, Lebanon Levi Stoltzfus. Despite my expectations, it was quite good.

I picked it up because watching The Amish Mafia is one of my guilty pleasures. It is a reality, cultural, crime-syndicate show with horses.

The Amish, like other insular communities, have plenty to teach the outside world about they live their lives. Levi definitely has the inside scoop, having been raised Old Order Amish, a more conservative branch of the culture.

I loved learning about how the Amish were formed and the historical background of his people. I ate up the bits about Amish marriage ceremonies and the social customs surrounding the party afterwards. Celery, apparently, is huge. Who knew, right?

I wish he had talked more how he fell into the world of “Amish mafia” itself. It’s clear from his narrative that he feels the Amish are taken advantage of because of their religious pacifism. He believes that they desire to deal with potentially criminal matters among themselves rather than going to the authorities. That is the basis of the mafia. For legal reasons, he probably couldn’t be that transparent. But it would have been excellent if he had.

If you enjoy the television show, you may not like this as much because it lacks some of the moment to moment tension and drama that one gets from watching the show. But, if you go into it with an open mind to learn more about the Amish in general, it certainly accomplishes that.

If you enjoyed Amish Confidential, I’d recommend The Terrorist’s Son: A Story of Choice (a Muslim boy is raised one way but chooses to live another) or License to Pawn: Deals, Steals, and My Life at the Gold & Silver (a memoir by a pawn shop owner who has his own reality television show).

Thanks for reading!

Judge This by Chip Kidd

The beauty of TED talks books are that they’re done by experts in whatever field is being discussed. You, the reader, can trust that they know their stuff- I find it comforting. The books, based on the 18 minute presentations, are not so long so that you feel overwhelmed or bored. I find myself branching out and exploring topics that I wouldn’t normally be interested in because of their brevity. I’d never put too much thought into product design or labeling and Chip Kidd was just the guy to introduce it to me.

Take the billing on movie posters for example. I never knew that, by union contract, the names had to a certain size on the poster. Or, that there’s a clearer font that could be used for improving the clarity of the names so that they can be read from further away, but it’s never used. Who knew!

His dissection of the Diet Coke can and ad campaign was another of my favorite moments. Kidd comes off as funny as well as highly knowledgeable- one of the best combinations in my opinion.

The last, but not least, of my favorite moments was when we got to hear Kidd’s thoughts behind why and how he designed the covers for some really impressive titles like Fraud: Essays, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal, or The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite. Out of those three, Gulp drew my eye the most. When it first came into the library, I remember re-shelving it a couple of times, looking at its cover, and thinking “Wow, this is really different.” And not different in a bad way. It was different in a way that made me want to pick it up and add it to my mammoth to-read pile. And, apparently, that was exactly what Kidd was going for.

If you enjoy Judge This, I’d recommend Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead (Google reveals its elegant methods of internal organization) and The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere (another TED talks book but about meditation instead of art design).

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. Thanks for reading!

Inspired!: True Stories Behind Famous Art, Literature, Music, and Film by Maria Bukhonina

Artists are so interesting. Inspired! is a compilation of anecdotes about famous artists, writers, singers, actors, and a few of their muses. From scandals to ménage à trois, drug addictions, and kangaroo consumption (really!), this book has so many interesting little tidbits covering a variety of topics. I may be biased in that I love reading books that teach trivia, but seriously, this was excellent.

For example, did you know that the artist Suzanne Valadon was ground-breaking in the scandalous content of her paintings? She also fell passionately in love with a guy who was twenty years younger than her: “The relationship inspired Valadon to create Adam and Eve (1909), one of her best-known works. The painting was the first publicly exhibited depiction of a nude man and woman together by a female artist. The concept was daring- Adam and Eve unabashedly nude and running toward the viewer. The figure of Eve was a self-portrait, with Utter (her young lover) as Adam.” loc 317, ebook. Yay, Valadon!

Or did you know that Mata Hari was eventually executed as a traitor? I didn’t! “She refused to make her last confession to a priest, saying that the only thing she ever did was love men. “Harlot, yes, but traitor, never!” she said.” loc 458, ebook. Hard core.

How about the fact that Arthur Conan Doyle made even his mom mad when he killed off Sherlock Holmes? It didn’t sit well with the public. Doyle’s mother was furious with him. An avalanche of hate letters came in the mail. Rabid fans hounded Doyle on the streets of London, and an angry woman attacked him with an umbrella in broad daylight.” loc 507.

Reminds me of what happened to George Lucas when he messed with the sequences in Episodes IV, V, and VI. People get mad when you do things to beloved characters of the page and screen. Still true.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

The chapters are short so Bukhonina doesn’t get bogged down in the details of each story. I suppose a criticism of this book could be that she covers so many different artists, but I love short and sweet.

I highly recommend this one for trivia hounds and non-fiction devotees. Inspired! is a treat.

Thank you to NetGalley and Museyon Publishing for a free digital copy of this book. And thank you for reading!

Kathy Griffin’s Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index by Kathy Griffin

Here’s The Help Desk’s first ever video review!

I hope you enjoy it and here are the links to the books I mentioned at the end of the video.

The Andy Cohen Diaries

Tip It

Thanks for reading.

Instrumental: A Memoir of Madness, Medication, and Music by James Rhodes

This is a shocking memoir about the horrific sexual abuse that James suffered as a child and how music saved him. It is raw, ragged and real.

The author is frank about describing what happened, how his life fell apart, and how he was able to finally begin putting it back together.

Not a book for the faint of heart, Instrumental makes the reader wonder why we’re all here and what might the purpose of suffering serve in the grand scheme of things. I don’t pretend to know the answers to these questions, but James has given us a powerhouse of a book and a place to start.

I am also a classically trained pianist but you don’t have to be one to appreciate Instrumental: “… the unassailable fact is that music has, quite literally, saved my life and, I believe, the lives of countless others. It provides company when there is none, understanding where there is confusion, comfort where there is distress, and sheer, unpolluted energy where there is a hollow shell of brokenness and fatigue.” loc 51, ebook.

James gives a poignant warning to readers: “…this book is likely to trigger you hugely if you’ve experienced sexual abuse, self-harm, psychiatric institutionalisation, getting high or suicidal ideation.” loc 112. So, friends, be aware before you pick this one up.

James has a child with his first wife and he adores the boy, only asking him to do what makes him happy.

Though James thinks he’s a poor father, he’s offering the child more than some people are able to manage, even coming from a stable and emotionally healthy place: “I want him to know the secret of happiness. It is so simple that it seems to have eluded many people. The trick is to do whatever you want to do that makes you happy, as long as you’re not hurting those around you. Not to do what you think you should be doing. Nor what you think other people believe you should be doing. But simply to act in a way that brings you immense joy.” loc 986.

How wise is that.

James introduces each chapter with a suggested classical music track to listen to as you read as well as some juicy tidbits about the musicians who wrote the pieces: “Beethoven… was clumsy, badly coordinated, couldn’t dance, cut himself while shaving. … Schubert, nicknamed ‘Little Mushroom’ on account of his being 5 foot nothing and violently ugly, was spectacularly unsuccessful with girls and, on one of the very rare occasions he did manage to score, he caught syphilis. … From Schumann (who died alone and miserable in a mental asylum) to Ravel (whose experiences driving trucks and ambulances in the First World War changed him forever), the great composers were basket-case geniuses…” locs 2040-2058, ebook.

He reminds us that these men we’ve set on a pedestal because of the art they produced were nothing but human with all of the failings that people have today. James makes classical music and musicians interesting to the average person. It’s a gift and one that the genre really needed to bring a new generation into the fold. This book really made me wish that I could see James Rhodes in concert. I think I would love it.

Recommended for the music enthusiast and survivors of childhood abuse, anxiety, addictions, and cutting. Some similar reads: I’m Just a Person, My Booky Wook, or Kasher in the Rye: The True Tale of a White Boy from Oakland Who Became a Drug Addict, Criminal, Mental Patient, and Then Turned 16.

Thank you to NetGalley and Bloomsbury USA for a free digital copy of this book. Thank you for reading.

Set Your Voice Free: How to Get the Singing or Speaking Voice You Want by Roger Love

Set Your Voice Free was page after page of life changing revelations to me. I picked this book up because I was trying to address a specific problem.

When I speak in front of groups, nerves take over and I subconsciously close my throat, cutting off my air, making my voice weak, and losing my message in my process. I didn’t know that was what I was doing until I read this book. I just thought that my voice changed, but I didn’t know how or why.

Roger has changed all that for me and I’m so excited to put his suggestions into practice.

A world class speech and singing coach, Roger has helped many famous and every day people find their voices. “The most profound discovery I’ve made in the past fifteen years is this: If you know how to control the pitch, pace, tone, volume, and melody of your voice- the elements that form the core of this book- you can consciously use them to guide the emotions of your listeners and magnify the impact of every communication you have.” loc 85-109, ebook.

He goes on to list countless exercises and examples of just that. A consummate teacher, Roger includes almost every vocal problem imaginable in Set Your Voice Free as well as situations in which one would need to put her best voice forward.

Like visual impact, Roger tells us that audiences form their opinions about speakers and singers quickly, taking only one second of vocalizing to come to their conclusions. So, he says, you want to utilize that fleeting moment to make the best impression that you can.

It all starts with the breath: “The magic that I work with voices is built on a fundamental rhythm: the movements of the body as you inhale and exhale. Breathing smoothly and deeply works wonders for the body in general. … Once you learn to breathe as calmly and steadily as a child does, you are on your way to fabulous vocal reaches.” loc 808, ebook.

Intellectually, I knew how breathing worked and, demonstrably, I’ve been breathing my whole life, but Roger gave me a complete education about what deep breathing FEELS and SOUNDS like. I can see how this book could be life changing for readers as it has been for me.

In addition to vocal exercises, Roger includes stage and bodily movement, mixing them with the voice to create the total package. “All stage movement can be reduced to a simple pattern, and when you know how to use it, you can simply and effectively maneuver in front of any audience anywhere.” loc 3270, ebook.

Performers and speakers all types will find information worth knowing in this book. “When you begin to put yourself and your ideas clearly and thoughtfully into the world, with all the energy you feel, people will notice. Their new attention and interest may make you feel self-conscious, but keep using the techniques you’ve learned. You’ll be a more active, influential player in your life, instead of being pushed to the sidelines.” loc 4406, ebook. Everyone wants that.

Very highly recommended for anyone who speaks, sings, or wants to more mindfully express their message. Set Your Voice Free will help anyone who reads it turn his or her voice into a finely tuned instrument of communication.

Perfect for beginners to well seasoned artists and speakers- it contains something for everyone. Some similar reads to help you put your best self forward: Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds, or The Art of Exceptional Living.

Thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for a free advance reader’s copy of this book! And, thank you for reading!

I’m Just a Person by Tig Notaro

Tig Notaro is a survivor. Her dry humor shines through these pages as she tells her life story: multiple brushes with death, romantic relationships, and snapshots of her childhood, parents, and thought processes.

She shows us that she’s “just a person”, yes, but also how extraordinary an ordinary person can be when presented with nearly insurmountable difficulties like dropping out of school at an early age, having a biological father who was never present and a stepfather who was never available emotionally, a mother who was so immature that Tig practically raised herself, not to mention all of the health problems that came later.

I picked up this book because I was enamored of Tig’s stand-up routines. This book has their flavor but far more detail than her act- if you’ve enjoyed her comedy, you’ll probably like this too.

I loved reading about how Tig found her calling and her people: “I began to refer to the comedy scene as “the land of misfit toys.” It was comforting to be surrounded by people who didn’t fit into the confines of society, and it was the first time in my life that I wasn’t met with the boring conversation stopper: “Oh my God, you’re so weird.” pg 47

This part cracked me up- Tig’s discovered lumps in her breasts but she doesn’t think they’re anything to be concerned about. Her girlfriend disagreed: “Instead of making a doctor’s appointment, I spent the next couple months teasing Brooke by removing my shirt and saying, “Hey, wanna touch my cancer?” It was really fun to walk past her holding my chest and blurting out, “Ow! My cancer!” pg 109-110.

I thought that the chapter in which Tig talks about her biological father, Pat, was particularly well-written. She takes complex emotional pain and makes it into something beautiful: “He was obviously still in pain over the loss of my mother and the news of my health, but I knew that this grief could not kindle any real kind of familial bond between us. I guess I believed there was something inherently broken in Pat’s relationship with me and my brother. Maybe we had all missed some ambiguous window of time when we could have salvaged some hope for a real connection. I am certain, however, that we have the same feelings: I want everything to be okay for him and he wants everything to be okay for me.” pg 205

That is Tig’s strength- her ability to take the worst in life and wring not just humor but meaning out of it. Some similar reads: Sleepwalk With Me and Other Painfully True Stories, Shrinkage: Manhood, Marriage, and the Tumor That Tried to Kill Me, or A Girl Named Zippy.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Category: Dewey Decimal 700s

The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer

Judge This by Chip Kidd

Inspired!: True Stories Behind Famous Art, Literature, Music, and Film by Maria Bukhonina

Kathy Griffin’s Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index by Kathy Griffin

Instrumental: A Memoir of Madness, Medication, and Music by James Rhodes

Set Your Voice Free: How to Get the Singing or Speaking Voice You Want by Roger Love

I’m Just a Person by Tig Notaro

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