Bloodsucking Fiends (A Love Story, #1) by Christopher Moore

Jody was attacked by a man who bit her neck and left her for dead in an alleyway. She woke up a vampire. What is she going to do now?

“(Jody) was twenty-six and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room; cute but not beautiful.”

C. Thomas Flood wants to be an author, but where he comes from (Indiana) that’s not an acceptable trade for a man. He flees to San Francisco to “starve in the city.” After some misadventures with too many roommates and turkey bowling at the Safeway, he meets Jody and his life is never the same.

“Turkey bowing is not recognized by the NCAA or the Olympic Committee. There are no professional tournaments sponsored by the Poultry Farmers of America, and the footwear companies do not manufacture turkey bowling shoes. … Despite this lack of official recognition, the fine and noble tradition of ‘skidding the buzzard’ is practiced nightly by supermarket night crews all over the nation.”

Christopher Moore takes on the “vampire genre” and it’s not his best effort. If you’re going to read one of his books, I recommend Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.

It’s still ridiculous fictional literature, but I enjoyed the characters in Lamb more. In Blocksucking Fiends, everybody reads like one cliché after another.

“In another time she would have called a girlfriend and spent the evening on the phone being comforted. She would have eaten a half gallon of ice cream and stayed up all night thinking about what she was going to do with her life. .. But that was another time, when she had been a person.”

And perhaps that was Moore’s point. It was as if he was mocking the sub-genre of vampire novels by his one-dimensional characters and thin plot.

Or maybe it is just a sub-par effort.

I don’t think I’ll be picking up the other books in this series.

Thanks for reading!

The Motion of Puppets by Keith Donohue

The Motion of Puppets is a clever play on an ancient Roman myth.

Orpheus was a musician who was so talented he could charm the birds from the sky and make the forest spirits weep. He madly loved a woman named Eurydice.

One day, she stepped on a serpent and died. Orpheus nearly lost his mind out of grief for her. So, he made his way to the underworld to beg Lord Hades for his bride.

Orpheus plays such sweet music that Persephone weeps and Hades allows the bard to take the shade of his dead wife back to the living world. There’s one condition, he can’t look back to see if she’s following.

I think we all know what happened then. This book takes that tragedy and places it in the modern world.

Everything is fine until Theo’s wife, Kay, goes missing. “She should be more responsible, should know that he would worry, but he could hear her laughing it off when she came home. You’ll give yourself ulcers, she’d say. You fret too much. I just went out for croissants.” pg 18

He assumes she stumbled into the bed of one of her coworkers and is sleeping off a hangover. But the truth is much worse.

Kay has been transformed into something else, something magical and monstrous. “We lucky few can move about as long as the people are not watching. Midnight to first light, we are free.”pg 41

She is trapped in a metaphorical “underworld,” ruled over by an ancient power and his minions. “You cannot go home,” he said. “You cannot ever leave the Back Room.” pg 76

Even if Theo can figure out where she’s gone, how on earth will Kay go back to the shape she had before?

Keith Donohue has crafted a clever and haunting novel, putting a horror-tinged lens on the myth.

“And, besides, let me tell you a secret: all art needs a little sadness in it, a small tragedy to balance the human comedy.” pg 111

Like Moulin Rouge, Baz Luhrmann’s musical take on Orpheus and Eurydice, the elements of the original story are in both works of art. I think The Motion of Puppets is more weird and other-worldly.

To truly enjoy this tale, you have to be willing to believe in magic.

Highly recommended for readers who like twists on mythology or not-too-terrifying horror stories.

If you like mythological re-tellings, you may also enjoy The Snow Child or Circe.

Thanks for reading!

Rooms by Lauren Oliver

The patriarch of a family has recently died. The home he leaves behind is haunted and his family comes to divide up the remains of his earthly possessions.

Secrets are about to be revealed that concern both the living and the dead.

Rooms is part-mystery and part-family drama. My favorite characters were the ghosts and their interactions with each other.

“We expand into all five bedrooms. We hover in the light coming through the windows, with the dust; we spin, dizzy in the silence. We slide across empty dining room chairs, skate across the well-polished table, rub ourselves against the oriental carpets, curl up in the impressions of old footprints.” pg 12, ebook.

Though they are stuck together in the same house, the two ghosts couldn’t be more different. It makes for some amusing dialogue.

“I’ve never been one to sugarcoat the truth, and at least I’ve still got a sense of humor, even if I’m all splinters and dust everywhere else. That’s another thing that drives me crazy about Alice: no sense of humor at all.” pg 34, ebook.

The living characters of this story have some serious problems.

There’s Minna, a nymphomaniac with a young daughter. Her brother, Trenton, a perpetually insecure teen with suicidal tendencies. And their mother, Caroline, an aging alcoholic.

To make matters worse, Trenton’s starting to hear disembodied voices in the house.

“In the quiet, Trenton heard it again. A voice. Not quite a voice, though. More like a shape: a solidity and pattern to the normal creakings and stirrings of the house. It was the way he’d felt as a kid listening to the wind through the trees, thinking he could make sense out of it.” pg 52, ebook.

As if they didn’t have enough problems.

“That’s what a broken heart looks like,” she said, and stood up. “Like a haunting.” pg 64, ebook.

Strangely enough, I recently read another book with a ghost’s point of view. The Last To See Me by M. Dressler is about a ghost trying to stay alive and solve the mystery of her previous life, before the person hunting her could discover it and use it to destroy her.

I compared The Last To See Me to this book and, I confess, I liked Dressler’s book more. Dressler has fewer characters, but she gives those few more depth.

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I felt like Lauren Oliver, though she did develop her characters, struggled a bit to fit all of the different story lines together. I did like the ending of Rooms.

Recommended for readers who like their mystery with a touch of the paranormal. Age appropriate for mature teens and up because of the sexual content, hints of abuse and suicide themes.

Thanks for reading!

The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman

The Museum of Extraordinary Things is a beautifully written book about belonging, love and beauty, among other things.

It is the story of Coralie, a girl with webbing between her fingers who lives with her father and his collection of extraordinary things and people.

“My father was both a scientist and magician, but he declared that it was in literature wherein we discovered our truest natures.” pg 2

It is also the story of Eddie, a Jewish boy who flees with his father from a village in Russia after his mother is murdered.

Eddie is a photographer and Coralie is one of her father’s “extraordinary things.”

“Eddie had come to understand that what a man saw and what actually existed in the natural world were often contradictory.” pg 57

Both Eddie and Coralie have known hard times, poverty and hunger. They have been beaten down, overworked and abused.

“People will disappoint you with their cruelty every time.” pg 5

They both carry secrets. Coralie has discovered a diary in a locked drawer in the basement. Eddie has a stolen watch in his pocket.

“The Museum of Extraordinary Things was a true museum, a place of edification, wherein natural curiosities were displayed along with human marvels. Now, however, they needed more, and, when more could not be found, it must be invented.” pg 28

Beyond the personal lives of the two protagonists, this is also a story about New York and how it was developing outwards, consuming the woods and running pavement over grass.

It is also about the development of labor laws, the rights of the worker and unions.

Two actual catastrophic fires are recorded in this historical fiction. They highlight the horrific losses humanity has sometimes endured in the name of progress and, especially in the case of the factory fire, greed.

Those pages are hard to read. But Hoffman has written them beautifully and they feel true, as if the reader is standing there, watching the disasters unfold, and questioning what horrific things sometimes happen.

“It’s dangerous to look into things you don’t understand,” Coralie advised. “You haven’t seen the half of what there is in this world.” “Perhaps you’re one of the extraordinary things I don’t understand.” pg 241

Recommended for adult readers because of disturbing content and abuse, both physical and emotional. The Museum of Extraordinary Things is haunting, but beautiful; dark with moments of light in the shadow; and truly, filled with extraordinary people and things.

Thanks for reading!

Sleepless Knights by Mark H. Williams

Arthur and his knights have lived on in a real, not metaphorical, way and are continuing the quest Arthur began when he founded Camelot. Sir Lucas, Arthur’s butler, is still performing the services he gave in ages past. Cooking food, cleaning clothes, sharpening swords, hiding bodies… you know, usual butler stuff.

“Get rid of the body. Like you did last time.” “Last time, Sir Kay, was just over a hundred years ago.” “So?” “Such matters are not as… straightforward as they once were.” pg 10

And, as time passes, his life has gotten much more complicated. However, Lucas, and the others, continue on, because they have bound their eternal lives to the quest.

“I, Knight of the Round Table, swear loyalty to my fellow Knights, and to uphold the code of our glorious and Eternal Quest. An eye for unrest. A sword to the tyrant. A shield for the weak. To never lack in courage, mercy, generosity and grace. In the name of Almighty God and the King.” pg 44

This tale, a twist on the Arthurian legends, has humor and heart. I enjoyed it a lot.

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“Behold – Excalibur,” she said. As she did not immediately offer it to me, I beheld it for what I hoped was an appropriate interval. pg 103

Sleepless Knights would probably be most appreciated by readers who know, at least a bit, of the mythology of King Arthur and his knights. But I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to enjoy the story.

I think this book is appropriate for ages spanning from young adults to the young in spirit.

Thanks for reading!

The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman

Tim Hunter is destined to become a great magician… isn’t he? Four magical beings take him on realms other than his own, to educate and warn Tim about the path he is about to embark upon.

It is up to Tim to choose his destiny. Great power comes at great cost and it may be more than he is willing to pay.

“Child, magic exists. There are powers, and forces, and realms beyond the fields you know.”

The worlds Neil Gaiman has created in The Books of Magic are haunting and layered and will stick with you after you’ve finished the story and closed the book.

So… typical Gaiman then.

“The true Atlantis is inside you, just as it’s inside all of us. The sunken land is lost beneath the dark sea, lost beneath the waves of wet, black stories and myths that break upon the shores of our minds.”

Beyond the story, the artwork is beautiful in each volume, but different from artist to artist. Not in a jarring way, just noticeably different.

“It’s like there’s a whole other world, that I never knew existed, side by side with the old one.”

Recommended for adults or mature teenagers. There are some scares and thrills on this fantasy journey through other worlds.

Thanks for reading!

Kings of the Wyld (The Band #1) by Nicholas Eames

An incandescent debut novel about an aging group of warriors who have to come out of retirement to save the child of one of their members.

It is reminiscent of a dungeons and dragons campaign: you have the tanks (or front men), cleric (or shield), thief and wizard.

The band also featured a rotating series of bards because they kept losing them in various, horrific ways. It’s a continuing gag throughout the tale.

The humor is my favorite part of the story. Some of it is juvenile, but most of it is incredibly funny.

“Tell us a tale, will ya, Clay? About when you did for that necromancer up in Oddsford. Or when you rescued that princess from… that place… remember?” Which one? Clay wondered. They’d rescued several princesses, in fact, and if he’d killed one necromancer he’d killed a dozen.” pg 4

The warriors are past their prime. They were glorious monster killers once, now they’ve got bad backs, tricky knees and families who depend on them.

“But life, Clay knew, didn’t work that way. It wasn’t a circle; you didn’t go round and round again. It was an arc, its course as inexorable as the sun’s trek across the sky, destined at its highest, brightest moment to begin its fall.”pg 8.

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In many ways, the group in this story reminded me of my own group of gaming friends. Yes, maybe we’re all getting on in years, but oh the glorious adventures we have had and perhaps will still have… if we can just manage to get out the door.

“If there was anything scarier than a Heartwyld Horde, the wrath of a vengeful ex-wife might just be it.” pg 36

The humor in this story was only matched by the clever analogy of a “band of warriors” compared to a “band of musicians”.

“Fantastic. Clay mused. A spiteful queen and a vengeful booker to watch out for. As if heading into a monster-infested forest on our way to a hopelessly besieged city wasn’t trouble enough. Whoever wants us dead should just sit back and let us kill ourselves.” pg 129

I couldn’t help but cheer them on, every step of the way.

Highly recommended for epic fantasy fans, gamers and anyone who has shared adventures, real or imagined, with a group of friends. This book has heart and I loved it.

Thanks for reading!

Vita Maglia by Brit Malorie

In Vita Maglia, the spiritual realm is just beyond the fabric of the real world.

Within this other world, spiritual entities like souls, angels, and demons are physical realities.

The story begins with a mystery on a dangerous island called Kadera where reality seems “thinned” and visitors experience a strange ability to sense other people’s emotions.

Why is the island so strange? What is the subject of Zander’s father’s unending studies?

Why does that one person, at the start of the book, die screaming with her skin torn to shreds?

The story answers all of these questions in a timely and satisfying manner.

A warning: don’t start reading it unless you have time to finish it. It’s engrossing and addictive.

Brit Malorie has crafted an extraordinary fantasy world.

It absolutely hooked me. I started to read it in the morning and ended up finishing it in one afternoon.

I felt that the characterizations were strong for this genre, particularly the antagonist.

Malorie’s villain, Lynch Katlan, is totally believable, psychotic, and terrifying.

I haven’t been this frightened while reading about a character since Ramsay Bolten in George R.R. Martin’s series. Seriously.

Further on in the tale, I felt that we didn’t spend enough time in Maglia. Yes, we talked about it a lot and the characters were clearly focused on getting there, but we weren’t “there.”

So, if I had any criticism for this story, that’s it.

I wanted to spend more time in this fantastic world experiencing the different creatures and environments.

Strangely enough, I had the same complaint about Jeff Vandermeer’s Authority.

Recommended for readers who long for escape from reality and fantasy fans.

Thank you to Goodreads First Reads and the publisher for a free copy of this book for review purposes.

Thanks for reading!

The Last to See Me by M. Dressler

The Last to See Me is a fascinating story set in a world where ghosts are real and if they’re hanging around, they can bring down property values.

So, if you find you have an unruly poltergeist in your closet, you call a hunter to put them into the “eternal sleep.”

The tale is told from Emma, a ghost’s, point of view.

“My hearing is so much finer than when I walked alive and with a heartbeat. It’s something I’ve had a century to ponder: how much does the beating heart of one creature drown out the heart of another?” pg 6

I found this story to be absolutely captivating.

“At the turn of the millennium, when the hunts began, I was as scared as any ghost could be. But fear, in the end, does a body no good. If you let yourself be afraid of what can kill you, it weakens you. So you can’t let yourself be afraid.” pg 21.

Inbetween Emma’s fight to remain alive, in a manner of speaking, we get to learn about her life before her death. So, there’s a bit of historical fiction thrown in the mix.

I think M. Dressler has written a fantastic ghost story.

“But I can tell you that the reason you felt something was hiding under your bed, all those years ago, is precisely because it was. It just knew better than to show itself to you.” pg 102

I found myself cheering for Emma, even when the story takes a few surprisingly dark turns.

“But understand and hear me, my friend. Nothing dead, no matter how interesting or difficult, is worth keeping.” pg 129.

Also, I was amazed at how Dressler managed to weave various elements of the story into its conclusion.

Take your time and read carefully, I think you’ll be as delighted with this tale as I was.

Highly recommended for those who like not-so-scary stories or slightly spooky historical fiction.

Thanks for reading!

The Help Desk Book Blog

Sharing reviews and deep thoughts about life.

Category: Fantasy

Bloodsucking Fiends (A Love Story, #1) by Christopher Moore

The Motion of Puppets by Keith Donohue

Rooms by Lauren Oliver

The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman

Sleepless Knights by Mark H. Williams

The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman

Kings of the Wyld (The Band #1) by Nicholas Eames

Vita Maglia by Brit Malorie

The Last to See Me by M. Dressler

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